I love sibling relationships - in shows, books, real life... whatever. I think it would be so interesting to do a study on siblings in the Bible. My husband and I wanted a large family with kids close in age so they could have siblings for playmates. Neither of us had that but we grew up with parents who came from large families. We both had lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I only had one brother but he was a good one. He was the one who taught me how to turn on the shower, tell time, and tie my shoes. Then when I was older he taught me to change a tire, shoot a gun, and drive. He left home when I was in the fifth grade so most of my memories of him were from early childhood and then later in life. He went to college and then into the Coast Guard. Anytime he was home he made time for me and spent time teaching me. He did the normal amount of pesky brother things and wasn't always the best role model, but overall he did a great job and my life has been much better because of the impact he's had.
Our oldest is a very good oldest child. Sometimes it seems like a "baby" of the family accidentally got stuck there but in our case she's a pretty classic oldest child. Both of our two older girls forget to be good big sisters to their little brother sometimes though. At times like these I remind them that God chose them to be his big sister and it's their job to treat him well and take care of him. Being a big sister is a very important job. The best big sister I can think of from the Bible was Miriam - Moses older sister. When Moses was put in a basket she watched at a distance to see what would happen. Pharaoh's daughter found him and took pity on him and Miriam offered to go find a Hebrew nurse - their mom. What a special way God used Moses sister in his life. If you have more than one child, God not only chose you to be their mom but chose the children He wanted as siblings. It's not all about you. There is no reason your children can't be close, even if they are years apart in age. It's your responsibility to see that they treat each other well. And it's your responsibility to treat them fairly.
Life isn't fair. You know that and your kids will learn that. Not everything has to always be equal for your children. But you do need to treat them fairly and do for one what you would do for the other. How can you expect your children to be friends if you pay for things for one child that you do not pay for with the other? Or spend time doing things with one child that you expect the other to do on their own? There are lots of examples of children in the Bible who's parents played favorites and those stories show how it affects the relationships of the children. Genesis 37:4 But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him. Joseph's brothers hated him so much that they sold him into slavery! Now we know that God used that for good but the brothers were still held accountable for their sin. I do not ever want to cause my children to sin because of how I treat them.
I think it's natural to identify with one child over others. Sometimes you will click with one child more or just have more in common with them and that's ok. Being a mom is a hard job and one of those hard things is working at knowing and loving your children equally. God tells us not to exasperate our children and another way we can do that is by asking our children to do our jobs. Parents sometimes ruin the relationships their kids could have with each other by having one child be the parent. If you allow one child to act like your partner in parenting how can they go on to have a normal sibling relationship with their siblings?
One of my goals as a mom is to see that my children grow up to be good friends. The health of our family tree depends on it and generations of people will be affected. Have you spent much time thinking this far ahead? Your children will have children and they will be cousins. Do you have special memories with your cousins? I do! Your children will be aunts and uncles that have a big impact on their nieces and nephews. Do you have aunts and uncles that impacted your life? I do! It all starts with my kids relationships to each other though. Oh Lord I need your help with this!
Hebrews 12:14
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
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