Happy Birthday little one!

My second baby just turned six.  She is the classic middle child.  She tends to get overlooked and is always striving to catch up to her older sister.  Her birth felt like that as well.  After all the "hoopla" of our first baby I expected more but everyone seemed to have forgotten.  I heard "Oh that's right, you had a baby" more than once.  I didn't have any other friends pregnant this time around and since we had baby girl at Christmas time everyone was busy or out of town.

Being pregnant with a busy toddler is hard so I was really tired by the end of this pregnancy.  I struggled with post partum depression with our first baby and was still dealing with it when baby number two was arriving.  I'm sure those pregnancy hormones didn't help.  I remember being so anxious about leaving our oldest for the hospital stay as I had never left her before.

It all worked out in the end and baby number two was an easy c-section.  A piece of cake after my first one since this time I hadn't been in labor first.  Her arrival was planned, everything went smoothly, and she was precious.  She was born at 38 weeks whereas our oldest was born at 41 weeks.  Those three weeks of growth amazed me and I hadn't expected the difference.  This baby was just younger.  Smaller, thinner, and younger.  She was quiet, content, ate well, and slept well.  All different from our first baby and such a blessing the second time around.

It really was a blessing that she was a good newborn because recovering from a major surgery wasn't easy with a busy toddler and a baby.  AND at the same time we moved into our first house.  Her first year was a hard one for me and I don't remember a lot of it.  I remember being very very tired.  My husband worked a LOT of overtime that year with tax season and audit season and in between those busy seasons he was studying for the CPA exam.  I had one friend I was in email contact with and I know that God put her in my life for a reason that year.  She's not someone I had spent much time in contact with before or after that year.  I needed her and she was there for me every day, giving encouragement and just checking on me.  It's nice looking back on the hard seasons of life and seeing how God helped you through.

I can hardly believe this little girl is turning six now.  She seems so old for her age that I can't believe she's been five all this time.  She's very big for her age and it's often a hard thing.  People treat her differently and expect more of her because she looks older than she is.  And I am very guilty of doing this.  Every year on her birthday I'm sad she's getting older and feel bad that I didn't treat her as young as she really was that previous year.  And then I do it again the next year.  *sigh  At the same time though, she IS mature for her age and expecting more from her has been good in many ways.  She started kindergarten at four and was reading quickly.  She can out-think many kids older than her and has skills and abilities beyond her little years.

When she was a toddler she had the most beautiful curls.  I still think of her that way often.  She loves anything girly - pink, princesses, kitties, getting dressed up.  This girl's middle name is "Joy" and it suits her as she's almost always happy.  She's easy-going and has some wonderful phlegmatic traits.  She is pragmatic, a thinker and is very physical.   She plays well by herself and with others, and is nice to be around because she's undemanding.  She's also our strongest willed child though.  Because she's usually so easy it's harder to remember to train her.  It's easy to get after the kid who yells at you but to just let things go with the kid who is sneaky or who just looks at you and blinks (while not obeying).  Food battles were common when she was a toddler and praise the Lord we all survived that.

Our oldest two kids are sixteen months apart so very close in age.  They have always been together.  This child works SO hard to keep up with her older sister and for the most part she can do it.  It's good for her to be in classes without her older sister though (Awana, co-op, Sunday School).  It's good for her to be the oldest sometimes and not have to deal with that inner stress of "keeping up".  Our oldest two work well together and offset one another perfectly and I'm sure that when they get married they will each choose a spouse like the other.  This child is usually the brave, calm one who holds the older sisters hand and is reassuring.  While she can do her share of emoting, this child internalizes more.  And while a thinker, this child is a busy little doer as well.  If I let her help in the kitchen I have to work hard to stay ahead of her or she'll be using scissors to cut things open and shaking seasonings into the bowl because she thinks she knows what she's doing.    In the kitchen she is usually my "tortilla flipper".  She's also a good shopping partner as she loves going along for the ride.

She can hoola hoop for over two minutes and is good at drawing and singing.  She's competitive and loves to play any kind of sport - swimming, soccer, and gymnastics are her favorites though.  She likes to read and help in the kitchen and school comes very easy to her.  I'm looking forward to seeing this little one grow.  She always surprises me and I can't wait to see what she does this year.

You don't have to be a big meanie about it

Do you ever get the feeling that those in the medical field forget they are dealing with sick people?  I understand how it could happen.  I don't even hear kids cry or fight sometimes because I'm so used to it.  So I understand how it could happen.  But sometimes, it would be really nice to hear a kind word or even tone from the people you are dealing with at the doctors office.

Our kids have been sick.  Our sickest December ever I think.  I've had a sinus infection and have been sick since Thanksgiving.  The kids have had an eye infection, an ear infection, and now three have bronchitis.  I have been to the doctor seven times in the last week, and up with kids in the night.  I'm tired and the kids are tired.  Having to keep going out (to different doctors) when sick and not be able to just stay home and be sick, isn't helping.

Some of these doctors offices have been so frustrating.  I forgot my wallet at home when I went to my appointment.  I have been to this clinic before and yet they still made me drive all the way home (with four kids) to get the insurance card so they could actually see it.  Shouldn't they have that information all ready?  Didn't they make a photo copy of it?  Whatever.  I guess it made the 1 1/2 hour wait go faster as it seems like they kept my place in line.  The kids regular doctor looked at them and said they weren't sick, it was allergies.  No it's not.  I know you're a doctor and you're supposed to know, but it's not.  And I ended up having to take those three all back to the doctor later in the week.  So frustrating.

Yesterday I took two of the kids to an urgent care.  I had to call another doctors office to find their phone number.  I was all geared up to be stressed out and mad but the lady on the phone was so wonderfully pleasant and helpful.  I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her.  Her sweet tone changed my mood.  It gave me the boost I needed to face yet another looong morning with kids at the doctor.

Our words and the tone we use matter.  It changes things and can either inflame or diffuse a situation.  I know that when I sound crabby with my kids it affects how they talk to each other.  It affects how my husband talks and how the kids respond.  That sweet lady on the phone yesterday was such a good reminder of this.

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.

The other day I heard from one of my kids "Fine but you don't have to be a big meanie about it."  No I did not and she was completely right.  Sounding like a big meanie doesn't help anything.  Praying for a day today where I have gentle words with those around me.  Nincompoops at the doctor included.

The perfect holidays don't exist

I had a post this summer about how the perfect Sunday doesn't really exist.  The kind of Sunday where a happy and well groomed little family trots into church after a pleasant morning together.  I have determined that perfect holidays don't exist either.

When you see pictures on facebook of a happy family at Zoolights or cute kids making cookies, that is just a little snapshot of that family's day.  Those nice pictures do hold some good memories.  But they don't include the fighting kids, the crabby husband (not that I've ever had one of those), the fighting kids (did I say that already?), or the sheer exhaustion that comes with the holidays.  When you have kids, no one tells you that they will be sick for the first two years of their life - and part of that will include ALL of December.  When you see those perfectly "put together" looking families who are walking Candy Cane Lane or sending out beautiful Christmas cards, know that they are having rough days too.  You are not alone.

We've been having a rough couple of weeks here.  I mean ROUGH!!  Five of us are sick or on medication, I think I've cried every day this week, my kids are fighting like crazy and the drama has been ridiculous.  The other day one of my kids said  "Mom are you tired?  You only act this way when you're tired".  How very observant of her.  Another of my kids said to me "Fine but you don't have to be a big meanie about it."  And she was totally right.  I was being a big meanie about something.  Uugghh.

I started paying attention and realized that almost all of my friends are having rough weeks as well.  Those friends that I'd been jealous of because of their super cute graham cracker nativity scene or their kids fun Christmas program were just barely hanging in there too.  It takes thinking of others and not just your own junk to realize stuff like that.  And if you're out there just barely hanging on, know that you're not alone.  Mixed in with that stress you might have some very nice memories from this Christmas season, but know that the perfect holidays don't exist for anyone.

I wish I had wonderful advice to give young moms on how to survive the holidays.  I would like it if someone gave me some!  There's not much you can do about getting sick, but there are some things you can do to make things less stressful.  And even though we've had a rough couple of weeks, these things I'm listing have really helped.

The extent of our crafting this year

This year we have worked really hard at cutting back on the cost of Christmas and I think that's helped ease the stress.  We've also cut back on the number of extra things we usually do and our kids haven't even noticed.  All that scurrying around to get to fun places and they are just as happy at home making Santa faces with paper plates.

This year we've worked harder at eating healthy despite all the goodies around and I think it's helped our stress level.  Instead of making the dozens and dozens of cookies that I usually make (and then eat), I've made some healthier treats like cinnamon sugared almonds.  My fitness fanatic husband is on a roll this year and has not missed a work out yet.  Hard for me to sit around eating cookies when he's out there working hard on his health.

Last year I remember eating out a lot in December because we were just so busy.  This year I planned ahead and made some freezer meals to use this month.  It's been so nice to be able to pull out a meal for the crock pot instead of getting fast food or pizza.  Eat a decent breakfast.  If you skip breakfast thinking you're too busy, it's so much easier to eat junk later.

This year we've gotten more sleep.  Instead of rewatching a Christmas movie we've already seen 27 times, we've been going to bed earlier.  I've determined we have too many Christmas movies to get them all watched in December, so next year we'll start in November.  Or will maybe just decide we don't have to watch them all every year.

This year I had wanted to spend more time doing Bible-y Advent type things and we haven't gotten much done there.  I bought "The Truth is in the Tinsel" last year (plan for making Christmas ornaments to go along with scriptures about Christmas) and we just haven't gotten to it.  I did find a reading plan to use with the Jesus Storybook Bible for the month of December.  If I don't get anything else done this season, I think that one was worth it as I really like that Bible. (Do you have it for your kids?  It's so good.)  Every story points to Jesus and reading through it quickly like this is giving such a good overview to the kids and good reminders to me.

While you are feeling the holiday stress know that you're not alone.  Women everywhere are right there with you.  You may have to let go of some things this year.  You may have to compromise with your spouse or give up doing something you had really wanted to do.  That doesn't mean you can't still enjoy parts of this Christmas season.  Look for parts to enjoy.  Is there something from your childhood Christmas's that you loved or have happy memories of?  Try to fit that in somewhere.  Is there something you really just want to do this season?  Push through and do it - even if the kids fight through the whole thing.  Just keep your expectations low and know that you can't do everything.

Tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning.  (As a mom and wife yours should be too.)  God has a plan.  For you.  Even when life on earth is harried and hectic and stressful, God has a plan that is so much bigger than all of this and His ways are not our ways.  I think that's my biggest "take away" from the Christmas story.  God doesn't do things like we would do them.  When you're feeling stressed and mad, pray about it.  God answers prayers in ways you would never think of.

Please don't say that to me

I think one of the most frustrating things I hear is "Your kids grow so fast, enjoy every minute of it."  or "Enjoy your kids now because before you know it they'll be gone."  I do NOT need to enjoy every single second of this.  I love my kids and enjoy them very much most of the time but if I need a break or am tired of being around them, I'm not a bad mom.  I'm normal.

I can see my kids changing before my eyes.  Sometimes they look bigger in the morning than when they went to bed the night before.  I lift them to my lap, hold and hug them, and feel how they have grown.  I teach them daily and can see how fast the time is going.  I know that I have about three more Halloween's with my oldest, maybe one or two  more years of Santa Clause and the tooth fairy, and then these little kid years will be over.  I really don't need to be reminded by random people to pay attention or I might miss something.  Or told by people in passing that I need to enjoy all of it.  Not all of parenting is fun!

As moms we feel guilty and second guess ourselves about so many things.  Should we nurse exclusively or is formula ok?  Should our babies be allowed to sleep with us or not?  Is giving five shots and seven vaccines at once really ok??  What age should we start potty training?  How much tv is too much?  Will our kids have problems if they didn't crawl?  Are we reading to them enough?  And the list goes on.  And for some of us, it goes on, and on, and on!!

I know that most of the people who say those things mean well.  That doesn't mean it's not annoying though.  I hope that when I'm an older person I can say more helpful and encouraging things to the young moms I see.  Saying things like "you're doing a good job" or "how can I pray for you?" would be so much more helpful.  Encouraging them that this phase will end, they don't need to worry so much, or to just do the best they can would be more helpful.  Blessing them with dinner or offering to babysit would be more helpful.

God chose you to be the mom for your children and you can do this.  If you're struggling in an area with one of your kids - ask for help and don't feel guilty about it.  There is nothing new under the sun and I'm positive that someone else before you has also had that struggle.  Pray about it!  Ask God to bring someone into your life who can teach and encourage you.  And then be teachable.  If you're on the other end and are that older woman, pray about God sending a younger woman into your life.  Someone who might need some encouragement.  Then think twice before you give advice.  Do your words sound judgmental?  Does that person want your advice?

If you need a break from your kids don't feel guilty about it.  Everyone does.  If you don't love it that your child just spilled water, that's ok.  If you don't feel like reading twenty-seven bedtime stories, you're not a bad mom.  If your bathtub is dirty, you didn't sew the Halloween costumes yourself, or your kids watched four hours of TV today, it's not the end of the world.

Some of us are worriers by nature.  If you struggle with that, try praying that God would show you what you need to be concerned about and then let the rest go.