My kid is smarter than your kid.

Not really.  I just wanted you to read this. :)  My kids are smart though.  My two year old talks very well and we get compliments on her all the time.  She even knows how to use pronouns correctly!  She can count to twenty (almost), knows her ABC's, remembers names and faces, and has critical thinking abilities beyond her little two years.  I would LOVE to take the credit for all that but I can't.  My older girls have a lot to do with it though.  They talk with her, quiz her, and correct her if she says something the wrong way.  They read to her, play with her, and pray for her.  She is a blessed little girl.  She is also exactly who God created her to be.  He gets the credit for all those wonderful things!

When our oldest was little I read to her a lot.  She was very verbal and in my very naive new mom thinking, I thought it was because of me.  (Ha!)  I read to our second child just as much and she wasn't as verbal.  I began to learn one of the early lessons of parenthood - that it's not all about me.  

God created each one of my little people with their own gifts and abilities.  If one of my kids is good at math, it's not because she's the product of two accountants.  It's because God made her that way.  If one of my kids is extremely thoughtful, it's not because I'm such a great mom.  It's because God made her that way.  I can help those things along, (and if I'm doing my job I should be) but it's not all because of me.  It's so easy to want to take the credit for the neat things about our kids.

It's also easy to take the credit for our kids failings.  Some of those we may be responsible for.  As moms (and dads) we're only human and are going to make mistakes.  Just plan on that, because you're gonna.  Not everything is our fault though.  Our precious little people were also created with their own free will.  We can do everything possible to teach and train them but ultimately they will make their own choices.  Pray!  Do you're job - you're the parent.  And pray some more!  The younger they are when you're teaching and training them, the easier it will be on them.  And on you.  A two year old who throws a temper tantrum is a lot easier to deal with than an eleven year old who does it.  Nip that in the bud!  It won't be long before my kids are bigger than me.  Seriously.  It's easy for me to forget that and just go about physically making them mind.  That's not enough though.  They have to learn to obey to voice command.  And why do they need to obey?  Aside from their safety, kids need to learn to obey their parents because that is how we teach them to obey God.  I want my kids to obey God!  The consequences of disobeying Him are no fun!  

Pray that your children will get caught when they're sinning.  This gives you the chance to discipline, teach and train.  The younger they are when paying the consequences for their sins the easier it will be on them.  A sins of a six year old won't affect them for a lifetime like the sins of a twenty year old will.  

Anyways, I lost my train of thought a little but Lysa TerKeurst says it best:

1.   Don’t take too much credit for their good.
2.   Don’t take too much credit for their bad.
3.  Don’t try to raise a good child.  Raise a God-following adult.

Her blog post that goes along with this is wonderful.  Read it!

http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/01/i-dont-want-to-raise-a-good-child/

Hooray for Truck Drivers!!

This is a random post, not about mothery things like most of mine are, but it's something on my mind.

I'm from Montana and one of the first things I noticed when I moved to California was the animosity that most people here have towards truck drivers.  I just don't get it.  Some truck drivers may be jerks but they certainly aren't all that way.  Some store clerks, mail men, or accountants might be jerks too but we don't write off the whole profession like people here do with truck drivers.  So why???

I think that in most other states, the population is much smaller and as a result a higher percentage of people have experience driving heavy equipment.  In all of Montana, the population is about one million people.  Many are farmers and ranchers and so have driven heavy equipment (tractors, combines, loaders, backhoes) and pulled trailers.  The average Californian has done none of those things.

I'm THANKFUL for truck drivers!  It is not an easy job.  It has long hours, the pay isn't usually great, they are at the mercy of many circumstances beyond their control (meaning their paycheck is at the mercy of many circumstances beyond their control) and it takes incredible skill to do what they do.  INCREDIBLE skill!!!  I know many people who can't back into a parking spot, let alone back a huge 18-wheeler into a tiny loading dock.  Show some appreciation for the skill that it takes.

It's because of truck drivers that this country can run the way it does.  America is known for it's "stuff".  Yes we all probably have too much, but I like my stuff.  And all that stuff gets from one end of the country to the other mainly because of truck drivers.  From produce to potato chips, magazines, and make-up, truckers are the ones who get it to the stores where you buy it.  If they didn't get it there, who would??  Trains may be another option but by far the fastest and cheapest way to move product is by truck.  

The typical trucker gets paid by the mile.  That means any time they spend sitting in traffic, loading or unloading, they are getting paid nothing.  Truckers have lots of reasons for doing this job.  It really isn't just because they want to inconvenience you on the freeway.  For some it's a family business.  Some may just like to drive and others may like the alone time.  Whatever the reason, it's an important job and they should be treated that way.

What can you do to make their lives a little easier?  As believers we should constantly be looking around to see what we can do to help.  And not just our friends or people from church, anyone who God sends across our path.  That's what having a servants heart is all about!  Helping people.

Philippians 2:3-5
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus

So what can you do to help?  How can you be more considerate of truck drivers?  For starters stop driving so close.  When you drive too close they can't see you.  If you can't see their side mirrors, you're in their blind spot.  Not smart!  Someone driving that heavy of machinery needs to be able to see the cars around them and they need your help to do that.  If he needs to get into another lane and can't see you in the way, it's your fault, not his if you get hit.  Be aware of his blind spots.

Stop driving so close!  That means in front and in back.  Don't cut him off!  Trucks are huge and heavy.  They can't stop as fast as our little vehicles can.  If they have to stop fast because of something, it just takes longer than if it does for you.  And if he has to stomp on his brakes the truck may jack-knife (truck stops but trailer goes sideways), affecting cars in other lanes.  It takes a truck about twice as much time to stop as a car.  If you're passing him you need to make sure you can see the entire front of the truck in your review mirror before you pull in front of him.

Stop driving so close!  Give Mr. Truckdriver some extra room.  Wide berth is the technical term meaning he requires additional lanes.  He's not being greedy with the road, he really needs that space.  If you are waiting on a street for an ongoing truck to turn in front of you don't crowd him.  You'll get your turn!  He needs the extra room or he might hit you.  And that won't be his fault, it's yours.

And lastly, stop driving so close!  Have you ever gotten a chip in your windshield because of the rocks that a truck kicks up?  That stinks.  But maybe if you hadn't been driving so close you wouldn't have gotten hit.  Not his fault, it's yours!  Did you know that the best driving distance behind trucks is 20-25 car lengths.  Seriously!

People in California drive so fast.  We're all in a huge hurry to enjoy the laid back lifestyle that comes with living here.  Sometimes we drive too close to truckers so that someone else can't get in front of us.  That's a dumb reason.  It's like little kids fighting in line about who gets to go first.  Only on the freeway it's so much more dangerous.  Just relax!  You'll get there!  Stop being so pushy!  You wouldn't stand in line behind a sumo wrestler all figdigty, invading his space.  He might bop you one!  Same goes with acting like that around trucks.  Knock it off!

This is a very good article on how to stay out of a truck's blind spots.  This isn't just for your own safety, it's also just plain considerate.

http://www.wikihow.com/Stay-Out-of-a-Truck's-Blind-Spots

Oh good. Another thing to teach my kids.

We have four kids who are all pretty verbal and I was reminded recently that I need to work with them on their conversation skills.  It is a skill and all skills have elements of learning involved.  Being able to carry on a conversation is a sign of emotional maturity too.  I want emotionally mature kids and that has nothing to do with age.  I've known five year old's who were better at making pleasant conversation than some adults.

To start with,  there is a time and a place for conversation.  In the middle of karate class or while in church isn't it.  That's when you need to be listening, not talking.  The karate teacher does not want to hear about your dream last night or the trip we took last weekend.  Some teachers might but unless they ask specifically, class is not a time to share those things.  Neither is while checking out at the store.

It's not all about you.  Ask questions and remember the answers.  I have a good memory and find it offensive when people don't remember me.  I don't mean for that to sound egotistical at all but if I'm introduced to someone one week, I think they should remember me by the next week.  Maybe not my name but there should be at least some spark of recognition if they were paying attention at all.  If you're the kind of person who struggles with remembering people, work at it.  Woooork at it!  You don't have to remember their name even - just be honest and say "I'm so sorry I know we've met before but I can't remember your name."  Or "Have we met before?  I'm sorry I can't remember."

Wait your turn and listen.  You might have something you want to say, but if your friend is talking you need to listen.  Listening is a HUGE part of conversation because conversation is a two-way thing.  It's different from talking which is just one-way.  Most people have encountered someone who talks at them.  Patient endurance is how you get through those people.  I had a friend in high school and a lot of our time together was spent waiting for the other to stop talking so we could say something.  We knew we were doing it and made a joke of it but genuine conversations aren't just about waiting for your turn to talk.  You need to be paying attention to what the other person is saying.

Don't be afraid of pauses.  Some people need a sec to collect their thoughts before they speak.  I feel this way.  Just because there's a pause doesn't mean you need to fill that.  Take a breath.  Relax.  Not all conversations have to move at warp speed.  Pay attention to the person you're talking to.  I feel run over the top of when with someone who never allows for a pause so I can speak.

Don't be a dominator.  No one likes talking to that person who won't shut up.  And if you're the verbal one, try looking for clues that you're losing your audience.  If their eyes glass over and they start looking around or at their watch, that's a clue.  I would be HORRIFIED if I thought someone was just patiently waiting for me to shut up so they could get away.  Pay attention!

Excessive details are annoying so try to stay on point.  Your listener doesn't need to know that at 7am you did this and then at 7:15 that happened.  It takes some critical thinking to be able to summarize and get to the point.  Work at leaving out the unimportant stuff.

If you're talking to someone you don't know very well, ask questions that aren't too personal and then let the person answer them.  It takes a little while for kids to know what's appropriate and what isn't.  I've met lots of adults who struggle with this too though.  Your child's open house at school probably isn't the time to ask the teacher about her marriage troubles.  Think a little before you pry.  If it's a weighty question that you do feel you have a right to talk about, make sure the time and place is right.  In the car is not it!!!  Do not EVER bring up uncomfortable topics in a car.  If you make a person feel trapped then they probably aren't going to love talking to you.  And they may never ride in a car with you again!  Seriously.  Don't do this.

Show genuine interest in the person's answers.  Sometimes you may not feel like talking and showing interest but if that's the case, then stay home from the party (or wherever).  No one wants the antisocial guy (or girl) at the party.  Is that how you want people to think of you?  "Oh great, so and so is coming".  Don't be that guy (or girl).

Don't interrupt.  That's pretty basic but is still something that needs taught.  I do it all the time! (Dang it.)  I remember things and blurt them out.  I need to stop that.  It's rude!

Practice with your kids.  It's surprising the number of families who don't spend time talking to one another.  Dinner time is the perfect time to practice conversational skills.  If you don't sit down to dinner with your kids, start!  My husband and I inhale our food.  We actually got to know one another because we were always at the front of the food line at college.  This is something we need to work on because the dinner hour shouldn't take ten minutes.  Our kids aren't allowed to leave the table till everyone's done eating (and neither are the husband and I).  They have to stay at the table and make pleasant conversation.  Learning to sit down at a table and eat is a good thing.  There could be a whole blog post about the things kids learn from family style dinners at a table.

Do you have any tips for teaching your kids conversational skills?  I would love to hear them!

Another divorce. What's going on??

I just heard about another couple we know who are getting divorced.  My heart is heavy as I think about the number of people we know who are separated or getting divorced right now.  Or who aren't even to that stage but are just having problems.  So much pain.  The people are young and old,  believers and nonbelievers, some have kids and some don't, they live in different places across the U.S., and they have been married for various lengths of time.  It's everywhere.  What's going on??

It's made me feel a little reflective about my own marriage and what about it makes it work.  My husband and I were young when we got married, 20 and 21.  This year will be 14 years for us. I don't think it's just luck that we're here now.  We're working at it!   And God is helping us!  Years 5-7 are the traditional bumpy ones and we had some bumps too.  Over all it's been pretty great though and I'm so thankful for that.  What advice would you have for someone getting married?  What do you think makes a good marriage?  Here are just a few things I thought of:

Get the order right.  Our priorities should be God first, spouse second, kids third.  Remember that your husband is only human.  Don't look to him to fill the spaces in your heart that God should fill.  

Be equally yoked.  2 Corinthian 6:14  Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What's that verse mean?  Here's another one.  Deuteronomy 22:10 Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.  The picture of that is just silly isn't it?  It wouldn't work.  It also doesn't work well when one of the couple is a believer and one isn't.  Being at very different places in your walk with God also makes things hard.  When you know God, it should affect every single thing about you.  And I would think it'd be awful hard to raise kids with someone who doesn't feel the same way you do about everything.  

Don't marry the idea of someone.  Marry who they are right then.  It's good to see potential in your mate but he should be who you want to be married to right then when you do it.  If you go into marriage planning on changing certain things you might be very disappointed.  They might not ever change.

Don't be the enemy of your spouses dreams.  My mom used to say this.  It means if, for example, you know that more than anything in the world, your husband likes dogs and wants to have one someday, don't be surprised and act like a jerk when he wants to get one.  If you know going into the marriage that your wife is a horse person or that she wants to have kids, those things shouldn't come as a surprise later.  Make those decisions before you get married and your marriage will be easier.

Give some grace.  A while back our pastor did a sermon series on marriage and said this:  "There are things about you that the people in your life just put up with".  Humbling reminder.  There might be things about your husband that drive you crazy but I bet there's things about you that he's just putting up with too.  Give some grace!  

Fight fair.  One of my very favorite things about my husband is that he fights fair.  He's very black and white and analytical in his thinking.  Justice and fairness are part of his being.  In boxing, hitting below the belt means that you're aiming at some extremely sensitive stuff.  Getting hit there is more painful.  You know your spouse better than anyone and know what would hurt them.  Don't do that when you're fighting.  Or ever.  

Be nice.  I don't know how many times I've heard my husband say "I don't know what's so hard about being married.  Just don't be a jerk."  I think he's right.  Be nice to your spouse.  It doesn't matter if he deserves it or not.  I once heard a wife say that she knew her husband loved butterscotch things  but "ppffttt she wasn't making them."  Made me sad for that husband.  Your husband deserves more than that.  If you know he likes something, make it for him.  If you know it drives him crazy when you leave the cupboard doors open, stop doing that.  If he wants the remote left in a certain place, leave it there!  How hard is that??  

Let it go.  Pick your battles and don't bring up the old ones.  Decide - is this the hill you want to die on?  And sometimes it might be.  But if it's not, let it go.  The clothes on the floor or the placement of the remote are not things to harbor bitterness over.  I once heard my mother-in-law say "I can either be crabby about this or I can choose not to be.  Being mad about it's not going to change anything.  It just ruins my mood."  And she chooses not to be crabby about just about anything.  Her goal in life is to have fun!  That may not be your goal in life, but you can still choose not to let certain things ruin life.

Pray, pray, pray, pray.   It's hard to have a hard spot towards someone you are praying for.  If you're in a bumpy season, pray for your spouse.  Prayer changes things and it'll change your attitude and mindset as well as bless the person you're praying for.

Marriage has seasons.  Just like parenting has seasons, marriage has seasons too.  As a parent, the baby years may be easy for you but the teen years hard.  Or the teen years easy and the college years hard.  Marriage goes through phases too and some are just going to be easier than others.  Push through!  As you live with your spouse and go through different jobs, houses, financial situations, just remember that everything is a season.  It may be a great season or it may be a hard one.  But it's just a season.  Be committed to stay through all the seasons.

I think it was Dr. Dobson who said "be a student of your spouse".  Pay attention to your husband.  Learn his Love Language!  Life changes you and the person you marry at 21 will probably not be the same at 50.  Talk to him.  And listen!  Learn about the things he loves.  Does he have hobbies?  Show some interest.  Even better, try to join him!  Find things you can do together.  That leads me to the next one.  Date your spouse.  We have four kids and we homeschool and so I cannot WAIT to get out of the house and be alone with my husband. We need that alone time.  To check in, keep on the same page, plan things for our family, and just talk without being interrupted.  

Canoodle.  I have a whole blog post about that, so go ahead and find it.  It has been my most read blog post  BY FAR.  Sex is a pretty important part of marriage so if that area is unhealthy, your marriage will suffer.

Do you have any advice on marriage?  What do you think makes for a good marriage?