A couple years ago I attended a parenting conference at our church and it was really wonderful. I started this blog post way back then but hadn't finished it till now. It was so good to go back and reread what I'd gleaned from that conference. The reminders and things I learned were so well timed and perfectly perfect for what I needed to hear - back then and now. Here are a few of the things that stood out to me the most:
It was called the Intentional Parenting Conference and right there was a good nugget. My parenting needs to be intentional. The number of years I have to teach and train is very short and I need to make the most of every second I have with these kids. The pastor leading this conference showed a pie graph with the number of hours in a year our children spend at home, church, school etc. The number of hours they spend with me FAR outweighs the time they spend any place else. And since we homeschool I have even more hours to work with. I need to use this time wisely.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
This verse is a proverb not a promise. God does not promise us that our children will turn out. They are created with their own will and will make their own choices in life, but it is my responsibility as a parent to train and teach. Much of the training of my kids will involve modeling. They will model my behavior and the things that they see me doing need to correspond with what I'm saying.
I cannot pour from an empty cup. My personal spiritual growth needs to be a priority. That means I need to be reading my Bible daily. I need to have a prayer life and be an active part of my church family.
My relationship with God should not be private. My kids need to see it and I need to be a living example to them.
Teaching my kids about their identity needs to be a bigger focus in my parenting. If I don't teach my children about their identity the world will, and that's a scary thought. Teach your kids about their identity in Christ, their identity in family and their identity in church. The ideas the speaker gave on this were so wonderful and I plan to do ALL of them!
To help her sons know their identity in Christ, the speaker framed a prayer of blessing in their room that she prays for them every night. It was from the book God's Wisdom for Little Boys by Elizabeth George and goes like this: Dear God above for this child I pray, that (their name) would be a godly man someday, make him a man who loves you true, a man of wisdom who pleases you. I think having that daily reminder that they were created by God and are children of God is a good thing.
Knowing their identity in our family is also a good thing. I did not grow up feeling like I was a contributing member to the family. My parents were busy and I always felt like it was my job to just stay out of the way. I did my own thing. I want my kids to know that the part they play is important to our household running smoothly, even if this means the job isn't done perfectly. By having chores they learn skills, responsibility, and gain self confidence.
Their identity in our family should also come from knowing that they are third in importance. My husband and I should love God first, each other next, and the kids third. It is a secure feeling for our kids to know that their parents are happily married so we need to work at being happily married. For us this means that we are affectionate in front of the kids, we date as often as we possible can, and we treat each other well. The kids help tidy the house at the end of the day so it looks nice when my husband gets home from work. They see me making things he likes for dinner and buying him little treats. We don't hide every conflict from the kids. They see us argue sometimes and work things out and hopefully are learning good things about how to handle conflict. One idea the speaker did in her house was to have pictures of herself and her husband (without kids!) that she put up and changed often. I love that. It's good for kids to not think they're the center of the universe. Families who revolve around kids, create self-centered kids. Not what I want.
At this conference I learned what a catechism is. You may already know but here's the definition: a summary of the principles of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers, used for the instruction of Christians. One of the speakers used this book - The Truth and Grace Memory Book - with her kids and I really liked the idea of it. I started using it with my kids and love the truths they are committing to memory. We do it at breakfast, which works for us since we homeschool. We're all here and have time then. I have no idea what God has planned for my kids but Isaiah 55:11 is a good reminder for me. so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. His Word will not return void. If I'm faithful to be teaching my kids His Word, He will use it. Somehow, sometime in their lives.
If you think about what your goals for your children are, that also helps to guide your intentional parenting. I want my kids to have their own personal relationship with Him and to love God's word. Psalm 86:11 is the verse I pray the most often for my kids. Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth. Unite my heart to fear your name. What do you do to be an intentional parent with your kids? I would love to hear more ideas!
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Empathy Schempathy
Do you remember how exhausting your first baby was? It was such a huge adjustment! I wish I could go back and have a chat with myself and and say "Oh Mama, you think it's hard now? You have no idea..." Not really a pep talk but if I could've had a peak at what was ahead maybe my little situation wouldn't have seemed so hard.
Isn't that the way of life? If you have personal experience with something you're more likely to be empathetic to the people around you. Some people are born with an empathetic bent. I was not. Unless I have done it myself, I usually just don't get it. Since that is the case, it's really good for me to try new things.
This was our third year doing swim team and this year all four of our kids are doing it. (I thought I was busy before. Ha!! Our summer was SO crazy!) I've had friends who did swim team but until our first year doing it, I had never been to swim meet before. Before we started, I knew that those swim friends were busier but truly had no idea what being a swim mom was like. Now I understand why those people didn't return messages right away or why they couldn't get together. Looking back, I'm so thankful for the times that they squeezed me into their schedule.
At the start of our first swim season I was a little disappointed. I have an older blog post about this swim season so I'm repeating myself here, but for the amount of money it cost, I had hoped for more. Our first season the coaches were so short handed. There were more girls on the team, plus one with special needs. The moms I sat near at practice also had some frustrations and before long it seemed every practice was a complaining session. At first I was an active participant and would come home all worked up and upset. I began to pray about it and then at one meet I got to see how much that coach was juggling. A high school student, with 25 girls on her team, had to plan out what events they would swim, keep track of kids and get them to events, plus swim in her own events. All in the midst of hundreds of other people. Seeing what all she was doing made me feel bad that I'd been crabby and thankful that she was giving her time to do this. I approached her mom and told her how impressed I was with how much her daughter had to juggle, and at the next practice her mom was there to help!
Empathy is such an important characteristic in the body of Christ. Being aware of others means you take some of the focus off yourself. People who only think of themselves aren't as useful and I want to be a useful member of the body of Christ. I also want my kids to be useful! I have one child that can always see what needs to be done. She has such a servants heart and just jumps in and helps where she can. She is also good at seeing peoples' emotional state before she does anything. She can sense moods, has good timing about when to approach people and is pragmatic enough to not take things personal. I don't know if this is empathy but it certainly lends itself to it. If this is an area you struggle with pray about it. Here are some verses to pray through that might help.
Philippians 2:4
Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.
1 Corinthians 10:24
Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.
Isn't that the way of life? If you have personal experience with something you're more likely to be empathetic to the people around you. Some people are born with an empathetic bent. I was not. Unless I have done it myself, I usually just don't get it. Since that is the case, it's really good for me to try new things.
This was our third year doing swim team and this year all four of our kids are doing it. (I thought I was busy before. Ha!! Our summer was SO crazy!) I've had friends who did swim team but until our first year doing it, I had never been to swim meet before. Before we started, I knew that those swim friends were busier but truly had no idea what being a swim mom was like. Now I understand why those people didn't return messages right away or why they couldn't get together. Looking back, I'm so thankful for the times that they squeezed me into their schedule.
At the start of our first swim season I was a little disappointed. I have an older blog post about this swim season so I'm repeating myself here, but for the amount of money it cost, I had hoped for more. Our first season the coaches were so short handed. There were more girls on the team, plus one with special needs. The moms I sat near at practice also had some frustrations and before long it seemed every practice was a complaining session. At first I was an active participant and would come home all worked up and upset. I began to pray about it and then at one meet I got to see how much that coach was juggling. A high school student, with 25 girls on her team, had to plan out what events they would swim, keep track of kids and get them to events, plus swim in her own events. All in the midst of hundreds of other people. Seeing what all she was doing made me feel bad that I'd been crabby and thankful that she was giving her time to do this. I approached her mom and told her how impressed I was with how much her daughter had to juggle, and at the next practice her mom was there to help!
Empathy is such an important characteristic in the body of Christ. Being aware of others means you take some of the focus off yourself. People who only think of themselves aren't as useful and I want to be a useful member of the body of Christ. I also want my kids to be useful! I have one child that can always see what needs to be done. She has such a servants heart and just jumps in and helps where she can. She is also good at seeing peoples' emotional state before she does anything. She can sense moods, has good timing about when to approach people and is pragmatic enough to not take things personal. I don't know if this is empathy but it certainly lends itself to it. If this is an area you struggle with pray about it. Here are some verses to pray through that might help.
Philippians 2:4
Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.
1 Corinthians 10:24
Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.
August gives me anxiety
August gives me anxiety. Every year. When we were kids, summer was a time of long empty days to do whatever, but life is just different now. For one thing it's shorter than when we were kids by about three weeks. That's a lot! And now summer is jam packed from beginning to end. By the time we get to August we're all tired. Most parents are looking forward to the kids going back to school because they can rest up a little bit, and recover from their summer. When you're a homeschool parent though, you don't get that. August is a time to start the regular routine all over again.
August at our house has three kids with birthdays. Some people pop out babies on Friday and are at church on Sunday but I was not one of those people. I had to have c-sections and the surgery, combined with adding a new person to our family was a huge stressful adjustment for me each time. While our kids birthdays are special events, they also bring back stressful memories. Worries about my littles at home while I was gone having the baby, lots of needle pokes, complications after the delivery, no sleep...I feel like I relive it all in August.
When you add that stress to the end of a jam packed summer, planning meetings for fall commitments, the pressure of making three kids birthdays special, and the crazy schedule ahead - boom, ANXIETY! I was beginning to wonder what on earth was wrong with me and then wrote out all that we have going on this fall. It was good reminder that my plate is full. It also helped me to give myself emotional permission to say "no" to some things.
I try to always pray about things before we add them to our calendar, and since we've felt the go ahead for all the things we're currently committed to, remembering that has given me peace. He wouldn't ask me to do something and then not help me do it. While it's a great thing to trim the calendar and not take on anything else, I was also reminded that this is the season I'm in. My kids are involved in sports and activities and I want that. I want them learning new skills, making friends at practices, and being a light for Him in our community. All that adds to my load but it's not forever. It's just a season. Just because I feel busy or stretched thin does not mean I'm not supposed to do it. God is in the business of stretching us. It's how we learn and grow. And if He asks me to do it - teach Sunday School, sign my kids up for swim team, or help with Awana - He will help me manage it all.
The first step to overcoming my August anxiety was to recognize I had it. And it was ok that I felt this way. Next was to quit being overwhelmed by the entire fall season and take things one day at a time. Not everything needs done today or figured out right this second. What do I need to do today? As I began to break down what needed done, God gave me a renewed sense of purpose for our year. During our first week of school, I was concerned about what we weren't doing well, but God let me see how well my kids know their Bible. If I'm faithful to be teaching them about Him, He'll be faithful to fill in the gaps in the other areas.
This weekend we had a long day of birthday parties for our three kids with August birthdays. It was a nice day for me because I thoroughly enjoyed each one of the little people there. I'm thankful for these friends and that I get to be one of the praying adults in their lives. This was also the mental encouragement I needed to look forward to the ministries we're involved in this year. All involve children and God has put me in these kids lives. What a blessing to be used by Him in that way.
Finding and writing out verses were also helpful. Here are a few of the ones I've used the most.
Psalm 94:19
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
Psalm 3:3
But you, oh Lord, are a shield about me, my glory and the one who lifts my head.
Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he with make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.
Psalm 119:165
Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.
Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
August at our house has three kids with birthdays. Some people pop out babies on Friday and are at church on Sunday but I was not one of those people. I had to have c-sections and the surgery, combined with adding a new person to our family was a huge stressful adjustment for me each time. While our kids birthdays are special events, they also bring back stressful memories. Worries about my littles at home while I was gone having the baby, lots of needle pokes, complications after the delivery, no sleep...I feel like I relive it all in August.
When you add that stress to the end of a jam packed summer, planning meetings for fall commitments, the pressure of making three kids birthdays special, and the crazy schedule ahead - boom, ANXIETY! I was beginning to wonder what on earth was wrong with me and then wrote out all that we have going on this fall. It was good reminder that my plate is full. It also helped me to give myself emotional permission to say "no" to some things.
I try to always pray about things before we add them to our calendar, and since we've felt the go ahead for all the things we're currently committed to, remembering that has given me peace. He wouldn't ask me to do something and then not help me do it. While it's a great thing to trim the calendar and not take on anything else, I was also reminded that this is the season I'm in. My kids are involved in sports and activities and I want that. I want them learning new skills, making friends at practices, and being a light for Him in our community. All that adds to my load but it's not forever. It's just a season. Just because I feel busy or stretched thin does not mean I'm not supposed to do it. God is in the business of stretching us. It's how we learn and grow. And if He asks me to do it - teach Sunday School, sign my kids up for swim team, or help with Awana - He will help me manage it all.
The first step to overcoming my August anxiety was to recognize I had it. And it was ok that I felt this way. Next was to quit being overwhelmed by the entire fall season and take things one day at a time. Not everything needs done today or figured out right this second. What do I need to do today? As I began to break down what needed done, God gave me a renewed sense of purpose for our year. During our first week of school, I was concerned about what we weren't doing well, but God let me see how well my kids know their Bible. If I'm faithful to be teaching them about Him, He'll be faithful to fill in the gaps in the other areas.
This weekend we had a long day of birthday parties for our three kids with August birthdays. It was a nice day for me because I thoroughly enjoyed each one of the little people there. I'm thankful for these friends and that I get to be one of the praying adults in their lives. This was also the mental encouragement I needed to look forward to the ministries we're involved in this year. All involve children and God has put me in these kids lives. What a blessing to be used by Him in that way.
Finding and writing out verses were also helpful. Here are a few of the ones I've used the most.
Psalm 94:19
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
Psalm 3:3
But you, oh Lord, are a shield about me, my glory and the one who lifts my head.
Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he with make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.
Psalm 119:165
Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.
Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Friday, June 2, 2017
The Season You Are In
A while back I heard a sweet mom friend give a talk on the "seasons of our lives". I don't remember what her title was, but it was such a good reminder. Things are always changing and there are different seasons to life. What season are you in? If you think about it and identify your season it may give you some peace. Maybe because you can be thankful for your season. Maybe because it reminds you that it WILL come to an end, or maybe because you can see that God is going to be doing something soon.
If you're a mom with a new baby you're probably in a season of just surviving. You're not going to be doing the same things as a mom in the season with high school kids. If you've had a death in the family, experienced a trauma or loss, life is going to be different for a little while. You can't just go on as normal as you have a season of recovery to go through. If you're in a season with older kids you probably have more personal time than you used to have. That can be an adjustment too!
We just finished our school year and I love looking back on the year and seeing all the different people God has brought into our lives. I think it's fun to reflect on how much things have changed since the school year started. I'm a creature of habit and don't usually like change. I've started looking at each year as it's own season though and that helps me to have peace as we enter a year. This year is a season. We changed home school groups this year and life was very different because of it. My husbands job changed this year. His hours, responsibilities, work load, and even the town he's is are different. It's helping us to remember that this year is adjustment year.
I'm also in a season of life with older elementary school aged children. I'm past the physically exhausting baby and toddler years. It's easier to move around and do things and now we're busy with kid activities and sports. My neighbor who's an empty nester said "You make me miss having kids around! Always something fun to look forward to!" I hadn't thought of it that way, I was just tired from the calendar being so full. It's just a season though. There are things to enjoy about it, so it was good to be reminded of that.
The first part of Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God." Another version of it says "Cease striving and know that I am God." I like that version the best. It's such a good reminder to me that I need to relax (cease striving) and look at where God has me right now. It's exhausting to be working at or working for things that aren't in God's plan for me.
I think most moms struggle with loneliness sometimes and being a home school or stay-at-home mom can be even more isolating. If I'm focusing on the people I wish I was able to spend time with or things I wish I could be doing instead, God isn't going to use me to my fullest. It's not all about me after all, it's about Him. Instead, I'm trying to look at the people God has in my path right now. For me, that is through my kids activities because that's the season of life I'm in. The busy one with lots of kids activities. As I'm sitting at swim practice or taking my kids to classes, who is God bringing across my path? I try to spend a lot of time praying about the activities we're in, so if I'm sure we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, then the people we see are there because God had worked that all out.
I recently read "Fervant: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer" by Pricilla Shirer. Have you read it? It's so good! Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book. "Even activities He gives you to steward are not given to see how many balls you can juggle, but instead so you can participate with Him in staking Kingdom claim on patches of ground where you live." I love this. Here are some synonyms for the word steward: administer, guide, govern, manage, preside over. Time is a limited resource given to me by God and it's up to me to use it well. Not so that I can get lots done but so that I can be used by God in the lives of the people He puts in my path. What season of life are you in? Who is God putting you next to this season? Are you using this time for Him?
If you're a mom with a new baby you're probably in a season of just surviving. You're not going to be doing the same things as a mom in the season with high school kids. If you've had a death in the family, experienced a trauma or loss, life is going to be different for a little while. You can't just go on as normal as you have a season of recovery to go through. If you're in a season with older kids you probably have more personal time than you used to have. That can be an adjustment too!
We just finished our school year and I love looking back on the year and seeing all the different people God has brought into our lives. I think it's fun to reflect on how much things have changed since the school year started. I'm a creature of habit and don't usually like change. I've started looking at each year as it's own season though and that helps me to have peace as we enter a year. This year is a season. We changed home school groups this year and life was very different because of it. My husbands job changed this year. His hours, responsibilities, work load, and even the town he's is are different. It's helping us to remember that this year is adjustment year.
I'm also in a season of life with older elementary school aged children. I'm past the physically exhausting baby and toddler years. It's easier to move around and do things and now we're busy with kid activities and sports. My neighbor who's an empty nester said "You make me miss having kids around! Always something fun to look forward to!" I hadn't thought of it that way, I was just tired from the calendar being so full. It's just a season though. There are things to enjoy about it, so it was good to be reminded of that.
The first part of Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God." Another version of it says "Cease striving and know that I am God." I like that version the best. It's such a good reminder to me that I need to relax (cease striving) and look at where God has me right now. It's exhausting to be working at or working for things that aren't in God's plan for me.
I think most moms struggle with loneliness sometimes and being a home school or stay-at-home mom can be even more isolating. If I'm focusing on the people I wish I was able to spend time with or things I wish I could be doing instead, God isn't going to use me to my fullest. It's not all about me after all, it's about Him. Instead, I'm trying to look at the people God has in my path right now. For me, that is through my kids activities because that's the season of life I'm in. The busy one with lots of kids activities. As I'm sitting at swim practice or taking my kids to classes, who is God bringing across my path? I try to spend a lot of time praying about the activities we're in, so if I'm sure we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, then the people we see are there because God had worked that all out.
I recently read "Fervant: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer" by Pricilla Shirer. Have you read it? It's so good! Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book. "Even activities He gives you to steward are not given to see how many balls you can juggle, but instead so you can participate with Him in staking Kingdom claim on patches of ground where you live." I love this. Here are some synonyms for the word steward: administer, guide, govern, manage, preside over. Time is a limited resource given to me by God and it's up to me to use it well. Not so that I can get lots done but so that I can be used by God in the lives of the people He puts in my path. What season of life are you in? Who is God putting you next to this season? Are you using this time for Him?
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