I just got back from grocery shopping with my two year old. I could tell when I headed off from the parking lot that the cart I'd picked wasn't a good one. It wasn't until half-way through that I really regretted it. It kept veering to the right and the front wheel clunked. And it was getting heavy. That's also when the two year old decided she was done. She started yelling about everything and throwing anything she could reach out of the cart. I was just trying to get done as fast as possible. The rest of the kids were home with a sitter. The little one and I had just been at the doctor and I thought I could run in and get a few things while I was already out. At $10 an hour though I could see the money floating out of my wallet the longer it took me.
I had noticed that the shopping cart strap was broken but I'm from Montana and we don't tend to worry about belts and buckles if we don't have to. Plus I was just in a hurry and didn't want to go find another cart. Around the mid point of the shopping trip when the full cart kept veering off and clunking, my little person figured out she wasn't buckled and kept trying to climb out. So she's yelling about wanting brownies, throwing groceries out of the cart and climbing out, all while I'm trying to rescue light bulbs and avoid knocking over the holiday end caps with my careening cart. Finally the little monster got busy sticking the corner of the marshmallow bag up her nose. Gross. But it was keeping her busy and quiet. For a REALLY long time. Then someone walked past us in the aisle and she hauled off and hit them with her marshmallow bag. She WOUND up for it and everything. "I'm so sorry!" I said and then veered and clunked as quickly as possible to the next aisle.
Sometimes you just have to laugh. That's what I did today. And my two year old (still sticking that bag in her nose) looked at me like I'd lost my mind.
Another time, I was walking past my kids room and peeked in at them. They were being so sweet playing with their kitchen set and making playdough cookies. I thought "Oh I should go get the camera". But then I thought "Where did they get playdough??" And I realized that one of the children had taken off their poopy diaper and they were playing with it. And making POOP cookies!!! It was the perfect consistency.
Another time, when my two oldest kids were two and one, I had just taken them out of the bath tub. I dried them off, let the water out, got clothes on the oldest, turned around to hang up towels and the kids had disappeared. I raced around looking for them and saw that they had opened the patio door and gotten out to the back yard. I ran out just in time to catch the naked one year old as she fell off the ladder to their play structure.
I've got so many of these stories. Sometimes you have to laugh! It might take a little while for it to be funny but you can choose to be mad about things or let it make you laugh. I'm guessing that the people around you would rather that you laugh. Mine sure would! I don't laugh enough. I'm usually on a mission to get a million things done. To find the funny you have to slow down and I'm not good at that. I'm trying though because life is more fun when it's funny.
Psalm 68:3
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.
Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Being a "Manager Mom"
I've heard that Judy Garland was a twit. A talented and beautiful twit. She had an anxious personality and the role of her manager was crucial to her success. He said "you can do this", fluffed her along and then gave her the extra push she needed to get out there and be wonderful. (Yes I realize there is lots of back-story to Judy Garland and I'm oversimplifying here but just go with it...)
Isn't this like our role as moms? Our kids need managers too. They need that encouragement. Constant, steady, encouragement that they can do this. Whatever "this" is depends on the kid and the time, but they need to know that we believe in them and that even if they fail that's ok too because there are good lessons to be learned from failure. And we will still be right there will them going through it.
As "manager moms" we also need to manage the situation. The tone of the home is our responsibility and I hate it when the tone in my home is bickering and fighting. You should know your kids well enough to be able to anticipate fights. When I stopped to think about it, I realized immediately that ours happen when getting in the car and going somewhere. Once I had that part figured out, I needed to think through what I could do as a mom to manage the situation and head off battles. Then I needed to communicate to my kids.
I started with making it my son's job to open all doors (lucky for me I only have 1 son so this worked out). This is good practice for him and we want our girls marrying boys that have the type of training to open the doors for them. Now no one races for the door and practices kick boxing moves to secure their position hanging onto that doorknob, because it's his job. The kids have a certain order they need to get into the car to make it easier for everyone and now they know that too. I also took control of the "air space" in the car. If I am busy asking them questions and talking to them as we drive someplace, they do not have the opportunity to fight with each other. This is a sacrifice for me because I would much rather be up in my own head during that time. I used to turn on music and that helped a little but just wasn't enough.
Meal times are another example of when we can enjoy our kids more if we "manage" the time. I've mentioned before that sometimes I read to our kids at breakfast or lunch. If I've got control of the "air space" because I'm reading to them, they aren't going to be fighting at the table. I have trouble working reading to kids into the day. During the day it's hard for me to just sit down and do it. By bed time I am usually really really tired and completely "kidded out". But I can work it in at meal times.
We usually eat dinner the second my husband gets home from work. The older the kids get the less we need to eat early for little tummy's but for right now we are often we are eating dinner right when my husband gets home, so it's the first I've seen of him all day. I want to talk to him and I want the kids to be quiet so I can. There's nothing wrong at all with kids being quiet so the two of us can talk but it would work better if we had a little time alone in another room to do this before dinner, and then made dinner talk more for the family. Something to work towards maybe... I've started asking the kids questions at dinner and they love it. Things like this: what is your favorite color, what's your favorite bean, what did you like most about Awana last night, what's been your favorite family trip - and then everyone gets a turn to tell us. I would really rather just eat my food. Or just talk to my husband. This is work for me, but it's a good thing for them to be learning how to have pleasant dinner conversation.
One thing that can cause fights is me asking the kids to do something that really is my responsibility. It's fine for my kids to help but expecting them to do things that I really should be doing causes fights between my kids and isn't fair to them. Another thing that causes fights is too much "screen time" - tv and video games, and not enough physical activity. And another is not enough good food and too much junk food. So much to think of as a mom. So much responsibility and so much to worry about. But you can do it. God gave you these little people and He will help you. Start by thinking about the times your kids most often fight with each other and pray about how you can deal with it. What makes your kids anxious or causes stress with them? Pray about that too. I have one child who needs extra time getting ready to go and is stressed by having to hurry. I'm always in a hurry so slowing down is hard for me. Another child has a fear of being left out and gets really stressed by the fear of getting left behind. God will help you to know how you can help your kids with their worries and fears.
Another thing to do is manage your own temperament. Figure out what causes your own stress and anxiety and pray about that. Going into a new situation makes me anxious. I feel better if I know everything there is to know about it before I get there and if I feel better, everyone around me benefits. As moms we have so much power. We control the atmosphere for everyone in our charge. We can head off all kinds of things if we think through it, plan ahead and pray.
Isn't this like our role as moms? Our kids need managers too. They need that encouragement. Constant, steady, encouragement that they can do this. Whatever "this" is depends on the kid and the time, but they need to know that we believe in them and that even if they fail that's ok too because there are good lessons to be learned from failure. And we will still be right there will them going through it.
As "manager moms" we also need to manage the situation. The tone of the home is our responsibility and I hate it when the tone in my home is bickering and fighting. You should know your kids well enough to be able to anticipate fights. When I stopped to think about it, I realized immediately that ours happen when getting in the car and going somewhere. Once I had that part figured out, I needed to think through what I could do as a mom to manage the situation and head off battles. Then I needed to communicate to my kids.
I started with making it my son's job to open all doors (lucky for me I only have 1 son so this worked out). This is good practice for him and we want our girls marrying boys that have the type of training to open the doors for them. Now no one races for the door and practices kick boxing moves to secure their position hanging onto that doorknob, because it's his job. The kids have a certain order they need to get into the car to make it easier for everyone and now they know that too. I also took control of the "air space" in the car. If I am busy asking them questions and talking to them as we drive someplace, they do not have the opportunity to fight with each other. This is a sacrifice for me because I would much rather be up in my own head during that time. I used to turn on music and that helped a little but just wasn't enough.
Meal times are another example of when we can enjoy our kids more if we "manage" the time. I've mentioned before that sometimes I read to our kids at breakfast or lunch. If I've got control of the "air space" because I'm reading to them, they aren't going to be fighting at the table. I have trouble working reading to kids into the day. During the day it's hard for me to just sit down and do it. By bed time I am usually really really tired and completely "kidded out". But I can work it in at meal times.
We usually eat dinner the second my husband gets home from work. The older the kids get the less we need to eat early for little tummy's but for right now we are often we are eating dinner right when my husband gets home, so it's the first I've seen of him all day. I want to talk to him and I want the kids to be quiet so I can. There's nothing wrong at all with kids being quiet so the two of us can talk but it would work better if we had a little time alone in another room to do this before dinner, and then made dinner talk more for the family. Something to work towards maybe... I've started asking the kids questions at dinner and they love it. Things like this: what is your favorite color, what's your favorite bean, what did you like most about Awana last night, what's been your favorite family trip - and then everyone gets a turn to tell us. I would really rather just eat my food. Or just talk to my husband. This is work for me, but it's a good thing for them to be learning how to have pleasant dinner conversation.
One thing that can cause fights is me asking the kids to do something that really is my responsibility. It's fine for my kids to help but expecting them to do things that I really should be doing causes fights between my kids and isn't fair to them. Another thing that causes fights is too much "screen time" - tv and video games, and not enough physical activity. And another is not enough good food and too much junk food. So much to think of as a mom. So much responsibility and so much to worry about. But you can do it. God gave you these little people and He will help you. Start by thinking about the times your kids most often fight with each other and pray about how you can deal with it. What makes your kids anxious or causes stress with them? Pray about that too. I have one child who needs extra time getting ready to go and is stressed by having to hurry. I'm always in a hurry so slowing down is hard for me. Another child has a fear of being left out and gets really stressed by the fear of getting left behind. God will help you to know how you can help your kids with their worries and fears.
Another thing to do is manage your own temperament. Figure out what causes your own stress and anxiety and pray about that. Going into a new situation makes me anxious. I feel better if I know everything there is to know about it before I get there and if I feel better, everyone around me benefits. As moms we have so much power. We control the atmosphere for everyone in our charge. We can head off all kinds of things if we think through it, plan ahead and pray.
Monday, October 14, 2013
You're not just talking to yourself
Does it ever feel overwhelming - the amount of things around you that need prayer? I know I feel that way. Between family, extended family, friends, church, finances, my kids, my husband, his work, and the list could go on - my head feels full. I want to be a prayer warrior and pray for people when they ask for it but it's one more thing to remember! My head is full. Almost every time I start the water to wash dishes in the kitchen sink I either forget to plug the bottom, walk off and a while later realize it's not full yet. Or plug it, start the water and forget, and have it end up looking like this with a kid yelling "Mom the water's on!!" I need help remembering things.
In the past I have split up things I pray for by the days of the week. I try to pray for my husband and kids every day even if it's short but split up everything else so it's not overwhelming. Like Monday my parents and siblings, Tuesday my in-laws and extended family, Wednesday church things, and so on. It's important to write things down. Do it however you want but write it down. Get some kind of fun notebook and make lists (is that the old accountant in me?) Use note cards, excel, or your ipad. Whatever floats your boat! If you write them down then you can go back later and see answers to prayer. I have notebooks from years ago and it's been neat to look back at them. To remember feeling frustrated or unsure at the time but see how God was working through everything.
I've heard it said that prayer should be like an open line of communication with God- picture an old school phone on your shoulder all day or your smart phone in your hand ready to text everything. If you set aside times of day for praying for specific things that helps. Morning or before bed quiet times are common for the general everything, but praying for specific things during your commute to work, your lunch hour or when you're making dinner might make it easier to get it done. Any time that you've got a little free head space from other things. You can also use seeing certain things as a reminder to pray. Like, when you go out the front door you'll remember to pray for your husband's work day. Or when you see the fridge pray you'll for your child's day at school.
Stormie O'Martian has a series of books on prayer and I've liked the ones I've read. What I most loved about them was the prayers at the end of each chapter. She used Bible verses to make up prayers. Years ago I went through her prayers in the book "The Power of a Praying Wife". I typed them all out and changed them to apply to us and then had them in my Bible as I prayed for my husband. Praying scripture adds some oomphf to our prayers. God tells us that His Word is living and active and that it will not return void. Praying scripture also ensures that we're aligning our prayers with God's will. You won't get shallow prayers like "help me have a good day" when you're praying through scripture. You'll get prayers like this:
Lord your word tells us that You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you. Help me to trust in you (Is 26:3).
The Bible also tells us to pray without ceasing. Making it not just a nice idea - it's a command. And any command from God should be taking seriously. He's got a reason for it!
1Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus
Ephesian 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
We don't have a God that is off doing His thing while we're doing ours. We have a God who hears us. He wants us to pray (talk to Him) and it changes things. There are lots of examples in the Bible of people who talked to God and it made a difference. I'm reading in Exodus right now so one example that comes to mind is this: Moses was nervous about speaking to Pharaoh and told God, who then let him bring along his brother Aaron. There are so many verses that talk about how God hears us. Here are just a few:
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Psalm 34:15
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
Hebrews 4:15-16
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Friday, October 11, 2013
You know you're old when...
I just had a birthday and I am usually fine with this aging process. Sometimes I feel old though. In thinking through it I made a list that maybe you can relate to. You know you're old when:
1. You forget how old you are. Who does that? Old people!
2. 6:30am is really sleeping in and going to bed at 9pm is a treat.
3. Your texts have to have proper punctuation.
4. And because of that your texts are really long. Like an email long. They end up being 6 or 7 messages in someone's inbox.
5. You have ever worried about smooshing the bread. Why is it that the bread is the first thing you come to at the store? So then you have to spend the entire shopping trip rearranging it in the cart and moving it to the top?
6. You have ever had to increase the font size on your computer screen so you can stop squinting.
7. P.J.'s and workout clothes are fairly interchangeable. (Maybe that's a stay-at-home mom thing.) I recently did this and ended up at Starbucks quite obviously in my jammies. Darn it.
8. You are older than your dentist or doctor. Don't they have to go to school for a really long time? How is it possible that I am older than they are?
9. You usually pull out the occasional gray hair but are starting to get too many for that to be wise.
10. You vaguely remember things. You have a vague memory of where you put something or some conversation and those "Aha!" moments of remembering are more subtle now.
11. You retell stories. Maybe over and over. And forget who you told things to.
12. Your bladder is an organ you are very much aware of. Nuff said.
13. You have strong opinions about the "paper or plastic" question.
14. You have "next day" hurts after you do things like play soccer with your kids or teach them how to do cartwheels.
15. You used to love blended margaritas but for the sake of time will now settle for one with sonic ice. Or no ice at all.
Do you have older people in your life that are hard to be around? I think everyone probably does and I have a fear of turning into one of those. I don't want to be a bitter crabby old lady that people have to pray for wisdom and patience to be around. Maybe you are lucky enough to have a wonderful elderly person in your life. Those people are such a special treasure (the wonderful ones not the crabby ones). Nothing can replace the wisdom they have from their years experience. Did you know that the Bible doesn't ever talk about retiring? Retiring from ministry I mean. And did you know that you are not only created for a purpose, but you are the only one who has the ministry reach that you do? Each one of us was created with special gifts and abilities and has a unique reach for being able to minister to certain people in our lives. The people I am able to reach is different than the people you are able to reach. We know different people for starters but God gave you and I different strengths for ministry and different interests.
Are you using your gifts and abilities for the Lord? That's why He gave them to you, you know. Sometimes God asks us to do things that we really don't want to do, but often He uses things that we're interested in. He gives us a heart for the ministry He'd like to see us in. Do you like kids? There is always a need for help in children's ministry. Do you like to bake, take pictures, or write letters? There are ministry opportunities there too. Are you good with computers, know how to cut hair, or love to read? Do you have professional training of some sort - accounting, legal, teaching, music? Are you crafty? Like to write? God wants to use it!
1 Peter 4:10
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
Crabby, hard to be around people are usually very self focused. One way to combat that is to get involved in ministry. Find a place to serve. Pray about it! God will lead you to where He wants you to be. And if you are a parent don't forget that those little people in your charge are watching and learning from everything you do. Involve your kids in what you're doing. Take your kids along when your church has a work day, when you take dinner to someone, or when you're setting up for Cubbies. My older girls especially have been watching as I prepare for Awana each week and it's a good thing! They are joining us for prayer before club starts, helping me set out chairs, sweeping the room when it's done, and being a big help in their own Sparks groups. My oldest is working hard at helping a little girl in her group that doesn't speak very much English and I'm so thankful for that! God uses little people too and He gave your kids different gifts and abilities.
If you aren't sure where to get started, pray about it. Ask at your church where you can help. And pray about it! Don't feel like you have the time? Pray about that too. It's amazing how God can give gifts of time. Nervous about it? That's ok too. God will help you.
1 Thessalonian 5:24
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
1. You forget how old you are. Who does that? Old people!
2. 6:30am is really sleeping in and going to bed at 9pm is a treat.
3. Your texts have to have proper punctuation.
4. And because of that your texts are really long. Like an email long. They end up being 6 or 7 messages in someone's inbox.
5. You have ever worried about smooshing the bread. Why is it that the bread is the first thing you come to at the store? So then you have to spend the entire shopping trip rearranging it in the cart and moving it to the top?
6. You have ever had to increase the font size on your computer screen so you can stop squinting.
7. P.J.'s and workout clothes are fairly interchangeable. (Maybe that's a stay-at-home mom thing.) I recently did this and ended up at Starbucks quite obviously in my jammies. Darn it.
8. You are older than your dentist or doctor. Don't they have to go to school for a really long time? How is it possible that I am older than they are?
9. You usually pull out the occasional gray hair but are starting to get too many for that to be wise.
10. You vaguely remember things. You have a vague memory of where you put something or some conversation and those "Aha!" moments of remembering are more subtle now.
11. You retell stories. Maybe over and over. And forget who you told things to.
12. Your bladder is an organ you are very much aware of. Nuff said.
13. You have strong opinions about the "paper or plastic" question.
14. You have "next day" hurts after you do things like play soccer with your kids or teach them how to do cartwheels.
15. You used to love blended margaritas but for the sake of time will now settle for one with sonic ice. Or no ice at all.
Do you have older people in your life that are hard to be around? I think everyone probably does and I have a fear of turning into one of those. I don't want to be a bitter crabby old lady that people have to pray for wisdom and patience to be around. Maybe you are lucky enough to have a wonderful elderly person in your life. Those people are such a special treasure (the wonderful ones not the crabby ones). Nothing can replace the wisdom they have from their years experience. Did you know that the Bible doesn't ever talk about retiring? Retiring from ministry I mean. And did you know that you are not only created for a purpose, but you are the only one who has the ministry reach that you do? Each one of us was created with special gifts and abilities and has a unique reach for being able to minister to certain people in our lives. The people I am able to reach is different than the people you are able to reach. We know different people for starters but God gave you and I different strengths for ministry and different interests.
Are you using your gifts and abilities for the Lord? That's why He gave them to you, you know. Sometimes God asks us to do things that we really don't want to do, but often He uses things that we're interested in. He gives us a heart for the ministry He'd like to see us in. Do you like kids? There is always a need for help in children's ministry. Do you like to bake, take pictures, or write letters? There are ministry opportunities there too. Are you good with computers, know how to cut hair, or love to read? Do you have professional training of some sort - accounting, legal, teaching, music? Are you crafty? Like to write? God wants to use it!
1 Peter 4:10
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
If you aren't sure where to get started, pray about it. Ask at your church where you can help. And pray about it! Don't feel like you have the time? Pray about that too. It's amazing how God can give gifts of time. Nervous about it? That's ok too. God will help you.
1 Thessalonian 5:24
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
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