Being a "Manager Mom"

I've heard that Judy Garland was a twit.  A talented and beautiful twit.  She had an anxious personality and the role of her manager was crucial to her success.  He said "you can do this",  fluffed her along and then gave her the extra push she needed to get out there and be wonderful.  (Yes I realize there is lots of back-story to Judy Garland and I'm oversimplifying here but just go with it...)

Isn't this like our role as moms?  Our kids need managers too.  They need that encouragement.  Constant, steady, encouragement that they can do this.  Whatever "this" is depends on the kid and the time, but they need to know that we believe in them and that even if they fail that's ok too because there are good lessons to be learned from failure.  And we will still be right there will them going through it.

As "manager moms" we also need to manage the situation.  The tone of the home is our responsibility and I hate it when the tone in my home is bickering and fighting.  You should know your kids well enough to be able to anticipate fights.  When I stopped to think about it, I realized immediately that ours happen when getting in the car and going somewhere.  Once I had that part figured out, I needed to think through what I could do as a mom to manage the situation and head off battles.  Then I needed to communicate to my kids.

I started with making it my son's job to open all doors (lucky for me I only have 1 son so this worked out).  This is good practice for him and we want our girls marrying boys that have the type of training to open the doors for them.  Now no one races for the door and practices kick boxing moves to secure their position hanging onto that doorknob, because it's his job.  The kids have a certain order they need to get into the car to make it easier for everyone and now they know that too.  I also took control of the "air space" in the car.  If I am busy asking them questions and talking to them as we drive someplace, they do not have the opportunity to fight with each other.  This is a sacrifice for me because I would much rather be up in my own head during that time.  I used to turn on music and that helped a little but just wasn't enough.

Meal times are another example of when we can enjoy our kids more if we "manage" the time.  I've mentioned before that sometimes I read to our kids at breakfast or lunch.  If I've got control of the "air space" because I'm reading to them, they aren't going to be fighting at the table.  I have trouble working reading to kids into the day.  During the day it's hard for me to just sit down and do it.  By bed time I am usually really really tired and completely "kidded out".  But I can work it in at meal times.

We usually eat dinner the second my husband gets home from work.  The older the kids get the less we need to eat early for little tummy's but for right now we are often we are eating dinner right when my husband gets home, so it's the first I've seen of him all day.  I want to talk to him and I want the kids to be quiet so I can.  There's nothing wrong at all with kids being quiet so the two of us can talk but it would work better if we had a little time alone in another room to do this before dinner, and then made dinner talk more for the family.   Something to work towards maybe...  I've started asking the kids questions at dinner and they love it.  Things like this: what is your favorite color, what's your favorite bean, what did you like most about Awana last night, what's been your favorite family trip -  and then everyone gets a turn to tell us.  I would really rather just eat my food.  Or just talk to my husband.  This is work for me, but it's a good thing for them to be learning how to have pleasant dinner conversation.

One thing that can cause fights is me asking the kids to do something that really is my responsibility.  It's fine for my kids to help but expecting them to do things that I really should be doing causes fights between my kids and isn't fair to them.  Another thing that causes fights is too much "screen time" - tv and video games, and not enough physical activity.  And another is not enough good food and too much junk food.  So much to think of as a mom.  So much responsibility and so much to worry about.  But you can do it.  God gave you these little people and He will help you.  Start by thinking about the times your kids most often fight with each other and pray about how you can deal with it.  What makes your kids anxious or causes stress with them?  Pray about that too.  I have one child who needs extra time getting ready to go and is stressed by having to hurry.  I'm always in a hurry so slowing down is hard for me.  Another child has a fear of being left out and gets really stressed by the fear of getting left behind.  God will help you to know how you can help your kids with their worries and fears.

Another thing to do is manage your own temperament.  Figure out what causes your own stress and anxiety and pray about that.  Going into a new situation makes me anxious.  I feel better if I know everything there is to know about it before I get there and if I feel better, everyone around me benefits.  As moms we have so much power.  We control the atmosphere for everyone in our charge.  We can head off all kinds of things if we think through it, plan ahead and pray.