The Perfect Sunday (doesn't exist)

Picture this: You get up to a quiet house on Sunday morning, have your cup of coffee, get ready for church, and make a big breakfast for your family.  Your happy children enjoy their food and then clear the table and help clean up the kitchen.  Everyone gets dressed in the clothes that were ironed and laid out the night before.  The kids are squeaky clean from their evening baths so you just have to do their hair, zip zippers and help with shoes and then everyone's ready to go.  On the way to church your kids sing praise songs while you and your husband visit about your plans for the day.  You get to church to deposit everyone in their Sunday School classes and then head into church with your husband.  The music is wonderful, the sermon is wonderful, and after church you enjoy time of fellowship with friends.  You head home with the family to a clean house and yummy lunch in the oven.  Wouldn't that be a perfect Sunday?

That doesn't really happen does it?  This is more like it:  You get up early so you can take your shower before the kids wake up and are halfway through when you hear the baby crying.  You finish as fast as possible to go get her before she wakes up anyone else.  Didn't work, and now half the kids are up.  You forget your "no TV before church rule" because you have to finish getting ready.  You can't find  your eyeliner and the shirt you had planned to wear is dirty.  By now everyone is awake and hungry so you rush them through cereal and into baths.  You really wish you would've gotten baths done on Saturday night but it just didn't happen.  After rushing them through baths the oldest goes to get dressed and comes back in purple striped leggings and an orange tank top.  Um, I don't think so.  Find a DRESS to wear!  She can't, so you stuff her into the first one you grab.  Meanwhile kid number four is on the table again and drinking out of the cereal bowls you hadn't gotten cleaned up yet.  Now she needs new clothes so you change her.  Kid number three goes potty and can't get his pants back up while kid number two battles to the death to wear sneakers with her sundress.  Your husband is grumpy and you are hungry.  You grab a Luna bar, slurp down some cold coffee and finish everyone's hair.  You finally get everyone out to the car and realize the baby has pooped.  Race back inside to change her, go back to the car to find kid numbers one and three fighting over the middle seat belt.  Neither uses it so that doesn't make sense.  Turn on the music and everyone complains wanting something else.  Say something to husband and a misunderstanding causes a fight that you haven't finished with by the time you get to church.  You drop kids off in Sunday school and realize the nursery worker didn't show, so you stay to help.  Your really fun group of two year olds' take turns crying and pooping and the pastor's sermon goes fifteen minutes long Again.  Parents finally meander in to pick up kids and you dash off to get your own.  You get everyone into church and your kids all need drinks and the potty.  After a sermon that you didn't hear because you are stilling thinking about that fight from earlier, you get everyone home and then wonder what quick thing you could make for lunch.  Macaroni and cheese?  Quesadillas?  Fast food would have been handy but just isn't in the budget and you forgot to get the crockpot idea from pinterest started last night.

So.  That's more like it isn't it?  Not every Sunday is that bad but NO Sunday is EVER like the first one.  And even though I know that I'm always expecting a little bit of The Perfect Sunday.  Instead, Sundays are really about survival when you have young kids.  With babies and toddlers who usually nap you have to deal with a fussy kid.  You have to figure out how to get yourself and all your kids ready, how to make lunch when you're not home, and how to focus on the sermon and what you're supposed to be learning today.

Adjust your expectations.  If you set your expectations lower you won't be as stressed.  I think it's stressful to come home to a messy house.  I need to adjust to that though because that's usually how it's gonna be.  Big fancy Sunday lunches are another thing I need to let go of.  It would be nice, but I just don't have the time for that.  Also, I need to not squeeze in extra things while trying to get to church.- either housework and laundry or errands.

Plan ahead.  If you take the time to plan ahead on Saturday evening, it can make Sundays less stressful.  Sometimes Saturdays are too busy for Sunday prep work but when it can be done,  it helps so much.  Start by thinking through your Sunday meals.  Plan something easy for breakfast like muffins or bagels.  Having the kids use napkins or paper plates makes clean up faster, as well as having the dishwasher unloaded the night before.  Sunday lunch is often a struggle for young families.  Eating out would be fun and so much easier but most just can't afford to eat out every Sunday.  (If you can, woohoo for you!).  Our oven has a delay start function so using that or the crockpot makes it possible to have food cooking and ready by the time we get home.  Things like frozen lasagna or chicken dump recipes are nice (several ingredients plus chicken dumped into the crock pot).  Or even easier - macaroni and cheese or quesadillas.

Get everyone's clothes ready the night before.  It never fails that when I don't do this someone can't find what they had wanted to wear.  I have kids who are "on and off" stinkers about their clothes.  Having them pick out things the night before eliminates some of the morning battles.  Clothes for six people is a lot of clothes, so it really helps my morning if everyone already knows what they are wearing.

Pray.  Even if you have a regular routine for your quiet times, it's easy to skip it on Sundays.  Don't do it though!  The enemy would LOVE for you to not make it to church.  He'd love for you end up there fighting with your spouse or frazzled from your morning.  Spending time with God to prepare yourself for church will help keep the enemy at bay.  One Sunday at church we were in the middle of singing and a lady came in a little late.  After she put her things down in her seat, I saw her bow and pray.  That was such a good reminder to me.  We need to prepare ourselves for worship.  Spend the time to get your head in the right place.  That might mean making peace with someone you've had a problem with.  It's hard to sit in front of the person you're angry with and have it not affect your ability to worship.  Or it might mean having a quick sidebar with your husband outside in order to get that disagreement ironed out.

Whatever you can do to make it easier for you, do it.  Maybe that means taking a shower the night before.  Or saving a little of your grocery money for a fast food lunch.  Or maybe that means saying "no" to some things on Saturdays because you need that extra time to get meals and clothes ready for Sunday.  It might mean waking up earlier to have more time on Sunday mornings.  Whatever you can think of that would make life easier, do it!  And give yourself emotional permission to do it.  Relax your expectations.  As moms, we set the tone and everyone else feels our stress.  I don't want my kids to feel inner stress because of lack of planning on my part.  I want Sundays to be a good experience for them.  If you have ideas on how you survive Sundays I would love to hear them!

Give them grace

Give grace.  I've heard this saying a whole lot in the last year.  It's like a fad saying and those are always annoying.  But there is truth in it so I shouldn't throw it out altogether.  To give grace means to forgive someone when they don't deserve it.  It means to love someone who doesn't deserve it.  And to not let the ungrateful people in our lives turn us into cynics, ruining who God created us to be.

This picture made me laugh so hard when I saw it.  We all have these kind of people in our lives though.  It would be so much easier to just cut these people out but that's just not always possible.  That annoying, stubborn, or just plain unlovable person in your life might be a relative.  They might be a coworker, or someone else you just can't get away from.  When this is the case it's nice to remember that God is sovereign and nothing happens without Him allowing it.  He may have put this person into your life because you need to learn something from it.  You need to practice loving someone who isn't easy to love.

Matthew 5:46-48
46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Luke 6:32-36

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

It's good for us when God asks us to do things that are not easy.  It's an opportunity for growth and if it were easy God wouldn't get the credit.  That frustrating person in your life may be hard to love but you don't have to do it alone.  Ask Him for help.  It's good to remember too that we don't deserve the grace that God gives us, but He does it anyways.

Ephesians 2:8-9

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. 

On the flip side of all that - how easy is it for people to love you?  Is there any way possible that you are that difficult person in someone's life?  That they have to pray for help giving grace to you on a regular basis?  Oh I hope not!  If someone does something for you, do you say thank you?  Do you appreciate it when others offer to help you or do you take it for granted?  Do you respond if they call you or message you?  Nonresponse is like ignoring them you know, and how does that feel?  Do you reciprocate or just  do the asking?  I sure hope I'm not the difficult person in someones life.  If I am then I would feel like I'm failing miserably at the mission God has given me here.  

I once saw someone post that she had gotten sick and she wondered who she needed to forgive for that.  I liked that and it stuck with me.  Now when that person is frustrating me I think "here's another chance to practice giving grace Lord" and I can approach it differently.  I hope that as you go through your day today you are able to think of that frustrating person in a new way.  That you can remember that God loves them too.  That God put them in your life, and that there is a reason for whatever you are dealing with today.

Don't Be a People Pleaser

I haven't been blogging for long but so far really like it.  I love writing and it's something creative I can do around this crazy schedule we have.  It's an odd thing though, blogging.  It's like you're letting someone (or a lotta someones) walk around in your brain and that's kindof a scary thing.  I am usually pretty guarded about letting people into my brain.  I can be sanguine but am a fairly melancholy and phlegmatic in my temperament and that means I'm careful about who I trust.

I started this blog because I felt like God was telling me to.  After I wrote the first few I felt like "ok Lord I'll do it, but I'm not gonna actually tell anyone about it".  And I didn't for almost a month!  I knew I wasn't being fully obedient because the reason He had for me to blog was not just to enjoy writing.  I'm past the not telling people part (so sorry if you're tired of seeing my posts on facebook!) but I still hold my breath as I hit "Publish".  When you use facebook you see instantly what people think from their comments or likes.  Blogs aren't like that though.  I usually have no idea who is even reading it let alone what they think about it.  And that's ok because having tons of people like me is not why I'm supposed to be doing this.

Proverbs 29:25
Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
    but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

We are to be living with a God focus, not to please people.  Pleasing Him is to be my end goal with this.  We are to raise our kids with that God focus too.  I recently heard a speaker talk about how her kids were running around after church and she kept telling them to stop it.  A friend started quizzing her on it - why can't they run?  Are you afraid they will fall?  Do you think they'll hurt someone?  And the questions continued.  Finally she blurted out - I don't want people to think I'm a bad mom!  There it is.  We don't want people to think we're bad moms.  We care about what people think of us.  Too much sometimes.  That is so often behind our parenting, isn't it?  Do you know that when you're raising your kids with that in the back of your brain, they know it.  They know that when you get after them and that's what you're really thinking.  Instead we are to be raising our kids with a God focus.  There could be a very good reason for not letting them run in church, but it needs to not be about what others will think of us as moms.  We need to train and teach our kids to live for God, not for pleasing people.  The speaker I heard said that when we raise people pleasers we are training them for peer pressure.  I hadn't thought about it that and but isn't that true?  I'm sure you can think of lots you don't want your kids doing out of peer pressure.  That thought alone was enough motivation for me to start examining my motives.

My mom was wise in many areas and one was that she wanted her kids to learn their lessons young enough that they wouldn't be paying for them for the rest of their lives.  When you make sinful mistakes at age five they most likely will not affect you forever like those sinful mistakes at age twenty will.  Pray for your kids to get caught when they are sinning - so you can teach and train them before they are off on their own.  Praying for that is a scary thing!  But wouldn't you rather they get caught shoplifting at ten years old than twenty years old where there are legal consequences?

Our kids will embarrass us sometimes but if your goal is to please God and be obedient to Him in your parenting, it won't matter so much what others think.  Our end goal of parenting shouldn't be that of turning out perfectly looking and acting humans.  It should be teaching and training and raising up kids who love God.  People are fickle and sinful by nature.  If our goal in life is to gain approval we will live an unhappy life.  We just can't please everyone!  There's nothing wrong with wanting people to like you but it's so much more important that God is pleased with you.  Being obedient to Him is part of that.  When we're obedient it doesn't mean life will be easy (or boring) but God will equip us for what He asks of us.  He may be asking something of you because He wants you on your knees daily seeking His help with it.

Have you ever noticed that when He asks you to do something, it doesn't work out the way you would have planned it?  Or it doesn't happen with the timing you would have preferred?  It often happens at the last minute or in the midst of chaos so He can get the glory for it.  Because it's not about us.  Every time I've written a blog post I have been interrupted five million times.  Five Million.  I've had to stop and start, deal with poop, kid fights, a ringing phone, and laundry.  I've locked myself in the bathroom in order to finish a thought and still had little people right there knocking on the door.  Every single time, I have had a very busy day with lots on my "to do" list and did not have writing a blog post on it.  Especially that one about sex - good grief!  That came outta nowhere!  I don't know what God is asking of you today.  I know that He's asking some things of me that are not working out according to my plan and I'm just gonna have to trust Him.

When you are doing what He asks you're also going to see some enemy activity.  Be prepared for that!  The enemy knows your weak spots and doesn't fight fair - he'll go straight for those.  Don't let it cause you to stop.  If God's asking something of you, press on friend.  Be obedient to Him.  It doesn't matter what others think.  Pray for wisdom, peace, and protection from the enemy and pursue His plans.  Then give Him the glory when it all comes together.

Another Birthday!

My oldest turns seven today.  That seems impossible but it's true.  Oh this child of mine.  I think it's amazing that your child is exactly who they are from infancy.  This is so true with my oldest.  She was a fussy fussy baby.  Now that I know her better, her babyhood makes so much more sense.  She could not tune out anything and would get so overwhelmed.  And she's still like that today.  That face to the left could have been her at the table trying to do her math yesterday.  Or, if I'm thinking about it, her every day around 4pm when she really needs to eat.  We survived those baby and toddler years though and now she's a big huge second grader.

When I was pregnant with her I was working as an accountant.  My husband also worked at the firm and we got to spend a lot of time together.  We worked a million hours of overtime together, drove to work together, ate lunch together...It was nice.  Made for a big adjustment when I quit working though.  I was used to seeing my husband 24/7 and we worked very well together.  Now I was stuck at home feeling very overwhelmed.

At the end of this pregnancy I got the PUPPP rash.  It was so awful.  It's a horrible itchy rash on the stomach, legs, hands, and feet and the only way to get rid of it is to deliver.  I was eight days late with baby girl and could have gone longer but just couldn't take that rash any longer.  My wonderful doctor took pity and induced me.  I had an epidural and was in labor all day but baby girl got stuck.  I had a c-section at 10pm and that poor baby was MAD.  The doctor opened me up and she was screaming inside!  I got very sick from the anesthesia and was in recovery for a long time so baby girl got to spend a lot of time with her daddy.  

I think those three days around her birth were the hardest of my life!  We had her at 10pm and she stayed awake until morning!  She was mad and hungry.  I was exhausted from being in labor, having surgery, and then staying up all night long.  Since it was our first baby we had lots of visitors. She slept all day that they were there and then was awake all night again.  The day we went home from the hospital I cried with every bump we hit.  My poor body hurt so bad.  We had over ten messages on the answering machine (doesn't that date things!), the phone rang off the hook, and three sets of visitors came by our house.  We finally got to bed late that night (on the couch because I couldn't get in and out of our bed) and then she was awake all night again.  Oh the things you learn from that first baby experience.

She's a special one though.  We survived her babyhood and toddler years and she seems to keep getting easier.  She has always been mentally ahead of her physical abilities and so the older she gets the easier things seem to be.  She has an almost spooky ability to perceive things about people and she's very spiritually mature for her age.  She also has huge ideas.  She's gonna make a fantastic adult someday and if she can put all these wonderful ideas into action will do amazing things.  For right now though, her big ideas can be frustrating.  She doesn't usually ask me before she launches into something and then gets upset when it doesn't work.  Last month she wanted to call all her friends and have them mail her pictures they'd made so she could judge them (we were around some 4-Hers that month).  Once she started making newspapers to put in plastic bags and deliver to all the neighbors.  She tried making a solar cooker out of a cardboard box and had plans to make popcorn and refried beans in it.  And there were more.  Many more ideas.

In an effort to channel that I put her in charge of breakfast.  It is now her job to make herself and siblings breakfast every day.  She has done a fantastic job and loves it.  And it has been a big help to me to have her take this on.  At the homeschool conference this year, one of my favorite finds was a book called "Home Economics for Home Schoolers".  You can buy it on this website  http://www.pearables.com/home_economics.htm  She loves this book so much she sleeps with it sometimes.  It has chapters on learning to use the toaster, peeling vegetables, learning to use the oven, cleaning, organizing, and hospitality.   Finding things to keep her busy is a challenge and this book truly was answered prayer!

This little girl is a really good big sister.  She loves organizing things (closets, people, whatever), she talks nonstop, and needs constant interaction.  She plays the piano, enjoyed drama class and VBS, and could probably run this household if I needed her to.  And do a good job at it.  She loves watching "The Duggars" and is currently writing them a letter about how she loves how they train their children.

When I found this I thought of her.  She really is a special treasure and I'm so thankful God chose me to be her mom.  She's gonna do great things for His kingdom.

I'd like my cake "to go" please

Don't ever do that.  Don't go to a party, rush in and out and ask for your cake to go, unless you are a blood relative or have been through some kinda major event with that person - like a car bombing or giving birth in an elevator.  This post has absolutely nothing to do with the birthday parties we just survived here. Or the guests who came to those parties.   It is about a realization I had of myself last year.  I was not a good guest.  I'm kindof a homebody.  I love to be a hostess and have people in my home but feel a little bit uncomfortable going into someone else's space.  I go into it feeling a little stressed for some reason.  Moving out of your comfort zone is always hard I guess.  Last year, I realized that I was probably not the most fun party guest ever invited.  I went into the environment thinking about myself and my stress, not about the person hostessing or even the kid who the party was for.  Shame on me!  Oh I hate it when I discover something like this.  Maturing can be a painful process but I hope that I'm being teachable.  I often pray that I would have a teachable spirit because if I really do want to grow in areas that I need it.  But anyways, that got me thinking about what a good guest should be doing.  What kinds of things do I appreciate about guests who come into my home?

For starters, RSVP.  It doesn't matter if someone sent the invite on facebook, by phone, mail, or evite  -  you should respond.  If they took the time to invite you, respond!  It's hard to plan if you don't know how many people are coming.  I'm not talking to the people who just completely forget - that happens to everyone.  I mean the habitual non-responders.  If you are in the midst of trying to plan a party and have to add contacting all the non-responders to the "to do" list, it can be frustrating.  Plus when you're the hostess and invite someone, you are putting yourself out there.  Picture a little kid asking someone to be their friend.  That's how it feels!

Greet the other guests and make pleasant conversation.  When I was growing up I had one uncle who always said "hi" to me.  When we got together for a family event he always greeted me.  As a child it made me feel cared for.  This busy adult took the time to say "hi" to me.  My father in-law is also very good at this.  It used to be common etiquette that when you entered a room you said "hello" to everyone in the room.  People don't use etiquette for pretty much anything anymore but some of those traditions  were good ones.  After you greet the other guests, don't just sit your fanny down and wait for cake.  Make conversation.  Is there someone who seems like they feel out of place?  Go and talk to them.  Maybe they don't know anyone else there.  The hostess is busy and may not have the time to introduce them to everyone, so go introduce yourself.  I have a memory of myself not doing a good job of this.  I saw another mom at a party and knew she didn't know anyone else there and I did nothing to make her comfortable.  I was a close friend of the hostess and I should have done that for her as well as for the mom who didn't know anyone.

After you greet and meet the other guests, make pleasant conversation.  We use this phrase a lot in our house.  When our kids are done eating at dinner they don't get to rush off.  They get to stay at the table and make pleasant conversation until the rest of us are done eating.  When you are at a party, don't be offensive.  Don't say/do things to the other guests that will make them uncomfortable.  Sounds like common sense but this happened at our house once and because of it one guest left early.  I was so frustrated.  There may have even been a point to what was said but a party in someone else's home was not the time or place to bring it up.  When people come into my home I want them to feel safe and be comfortable.

Ask what you can do to help.   I especially love it when people say "What can I do to help?" implying they are gonna help whether I tell them what to do or not.  With kid parties it is really nice to have a friend who is willing to take pictures.  If I'm running kid games, getting kids drinks, taking kids potty, keeping kids out of the garden etc,  it's hard to also be the photographer.  It's so nice to have friends offer to help with things like that.  And with cleaning up!  It's wonderful to have people over who help clean up.  Whenever I go to dinner at someone's house I try to help because I know what it feels like to have the guests leave and then turn around and wash dishes for an hour and a half.  No fun!

Offer a seat to the older guests.  Is there someone elderly at the party?  They get first dibs at the chair and the cool spot by the fan.  Are there moms with young children there?  Offer to help them if you can.  Hold their baby so they can eat.  Hold their baby so they can get their other kids food.  Is there someone pregnant at the party?  She gets whatever she wants!!  It doesn't matter if it's irrational!

If you are bringing your own children to a party, keep an eye on them.  Don't meander in, start chatting and forget about the little people you brought.  Make sure they are behaving.  If it's an outside party, keep them outside.  Don't let them trash the house and terrorize the family cat.  Or unwrap presents and turn on the sprinklers.  It's not the hostesses job to take care of your kids.  Encourage your children to help the other children have fun.  It doesn't have to be their own party for them to be helpers.  Some kids have a hard time going into new situations, just like some adults do.  My girls are good at helping and making sure everyone's being included.  I've gotten several compliments on their manners and actions at parties and I'm so thankful!  Teach your children how to be good guests as well.  The culture we live in does not teach these things anymore - it's up to you.

Compliment the hostess.  It's a lot of work to have people over - for big parties or just for dinner.  You don't know how much work it may have taken that poor mom to get it done.  Those sagging streamers and droopy cake, or the professional decorations and Martha Stewart home.  You don't know what all it took to get it accomplished.  You may think "oh she's great at making cakes" to yourself and then sound a little snide about it thinking yours never look that good.  You have NO IDEA how hard that may have been for her.  Compliment her on it!  Does her house look nice?  Say so!  It's hard having people over!  And I'm truly not saying this to make sure the people who come here do and say certain things.  I'm saying it to remind myself to behave a certain way when I am the guest.  Because I know I've failed at these in the past.

Remember when you go into someone else's home that it was an honor to be invited.  If you think of it that way you'll behave differently.  When we have people to our home I take it seriously.  I pray for those coming - that they would feel God's presence in own home.  That they would know they are loved and cared for, that the things we do and say would be pleasing to Him.  When you go into someone else's home remember that that is their sacred space you are going into.

Here are some verses on hospitality.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/hospitality

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Today is my last baby's birthday and she's turning two.  It feels like I blinked and two years went by.  She has been the perfect addition to round out our family.  Her older siblings love her so much and she is tons of fun.  Tons of fun and so so much work.  This child gets into EVERYTHING.  If I can't see her she's doing something she shouldn't be doing.  She's quiet and quick about it too.  She used to love playing in the toilet - praise the Lord we're past that.  She is always climbing on top of the table and she recently discovered there's a little slot in our fireplace where she can stick toys.  I know most baby's of the family are doted on but she really is special to all of us.  She has a sense of humor, is spunky, mischievous and bossy.  She loves peanut butter, ice cream, jumping, singing, Dora and Diego, and coloring.  And she does really good somersaults.

Her pregnancy was very high risk.  At four months we'd had some abnormal test results and so had a high resolution ultrasound done. They found that I had a placenta previa and an accreta.  Both things are risky but together they made for a very high risk pregnancy.  I didn't find out until after we'd had baby girl that 10% of women with this do not survive.  It was a miracle that they found these things before I was further along and went into labor because we'd already had our regular ultrasound and without those abnormal test results wouldn't have had another one.

It is best if the placenta is at the top of the uterus.  A previa means that it is low or close to the cervix.  A complete previa means that the placenta is completely covering the cervex and that's what I had.  Those usually cause bleeding and the patient is put on bed rest until it's safe to deliver.  I already knew I'd have to have a c-section and a complete previa is more dangerous because of the bleeding it can cause during the surgery.  Plus it's in the way of where the doctor would open you up.  Lucky me - I also had an accreta.  A placenta accreta is when the placenta grows attached to the uterus or in my case even grows through.  It has trouble detaching like it should and causes major bleeding.  In serious cases, you have to have a hysterectomy because the surgeon isn't able to detach the placenta from the uterus during delivery.  That is what happened in my case.

We were worried that I might go into labor so were on red alert all summer.  I couldn't travel because I had to be very close to a major hospital just in case.  At five months along I had to switch to a high risk doctor and a larger hospital.  I was on semi-bed rest because I couldn't stand for very long.  This made cooking and taking care of the then four, three, and one year old hard.  My wonderful church family brought us meals and my sweet husband tried so hard to take care of everything else.  He was so stressed his goatee started turning gray!

I had two rounds of steroid shots to help baby girls lungs along and at thirty-six weeks had an amniocentesis done to see if they were developed enough for her to be born.  A gigantic needle going into your stomach is scary!!  The amnio sent me into labor and they delivered me the next day.  They waited till the next morning so my doctor could make sure he had his surgical team in place.  That and it was his birthday so he was going to a concert that night.  :) The surgery was risky enough the

anesthesiologist put me under general anesthesia instead of doing a spinal.  That meant my husband couldn't be in there for the birth. My placenta had grown through to my bladder so they had to repair a hole there as well.  My hospital stay with baby girl was eight days and I needed a blood transfusion.  I had to go home with a catheter for 10 days!!  So awful.  That was the most awful part.  While in the hospital I had to have 30+ blood draws and IV pokes.  This is what happens when you don't have a good IV line for the blood transfusion.

I don't know the exact time baby girl was born but she weighed 5 pounds and 4 ounces.  She was so tiny compared to her huge brother!  Her lungs were fine and she was beautiful.  My parents came to watch the other kids while we were in the hospital.  Because they own their own business and it's busiest in the summer, it took a lot of juggling for them to get here.  This little child may never know the amount of stress involved with her entry into the world.  She was worth every bit of it though.  She is such a precious little girl.

While in the hospital our oldest had her fifth birthday and we had our eleventh anniversary.  We celebrated with dinner from Macaroni Grill and watching the show Eureka.  I should add that I love hospital stays.  I don't care if there are needles in my arm, I love it.  Hands down one of the best things about having a baby.  I get to nap, watch tv, read, snuggle a newborn, and people bring me things.  With every baby I stayed in the hospital for as long as they would let me.  It was the calm before the storm of going home to a houseful of toddlers after just having surgery.  At this hospital I even got to order my food.  From a menu!!

After we came home from the hospital we found out baby girl has a birth defect in one eye called an Iris Coloboma.  This is when the iris doesn't close at the bottom giving it a key hole shape.  In her case the nerves weren't damaged and it shouldn't affect her sight.  That eye is just more sensitive to light.  I know I've said before that I would love to know what God's plans are for my kids and I am very curious about this child.  Through the whole process He had His hand on us and He definitely made sure she got here ok.  That summer of waiting for her reminded me that God is in control.  He gave me an inexplicable sense of peace when I needed that and He used friends and family to provide for our needs.

If you give them water, they will pee

Sometimes you have to be smarter than the little people.  I know it's hard when our brains are tired, but you really can do it.  Outsmart that little stinker.  Yesterday my kids made a disaster of the living room. There were toys EVERYWHERE.  I'm a little bit type-A so having a messy house is the hardest part of having kids for me.  I told them to clean up and they started complaining (which didn't fly).  Then I told them I was counting to twenty and wanted them to clean up as much as possible in that time.  I started counting and wahlah!  Little bodies scurrying to get toys into buckets.  I was so impressed with myself.  If you make things like cleaning into a game you're likely to have better results.  One friend has her sons race to see who can get their pajamas on faster.  Genius!  I have a pokey kid but she's super competitive so making things into a race is the one thing that gets her moving.  Another friend has her son say "bye" to the toys when they leave the store.  Helps prevent a leaving fit.  My husband is a pro at distracting our kids with questions.  They could be in mid-fit and he calmly asks them about something totally unrelated and they immediately switch gears and go into great detail to answer him.  It's lucky for us that our biggest fit thrower is easily distractable.

My two year old is a stinker at meal times.  I finally figured out that she doesn't want to get her fingers dirty.  She'll let me feed her or she'll do it if she's got certain silverware but she'll throw the mother of all fits to prevent getting her little fingers dirty.  It shouldn't have taken me as long as it did to realize what her deal was.  Sometimes we get so busy "doing" and forget to think.  At least I do.  But, I thought through it and now I know.  Now I'm usually prepared to out think her at meal times.  I've got silverware.  I ask her questions in mid-fit, or I break into song really loudly.  I can be louder than she can.  If my kids see that their fit makes me sing, (and sing loudly) that stops them too.

I used to always let my kids sleep with water.  It took forever for one of them to stay dry at night and hmmm.... ya think the two things were related?  If you give them water, they will pee.  (That also works for potty training.  If you want them to pee - give them tons to drink.)  So, the point of this little blog post is to think.  You can do it - go outsmart those little stinkers!  And then share it with your mom friends so they can do it too!

Sexy, Nudy, Sex, Sex

**This post has been edited from its original version.

Got your attention?  Our husbands need sex.  I mean NEEED sex.  In a way that our female brains just don't comprehend.  Yes I realize that you are busy.  You are tired.  Maybe exhausted.  But it's important to him.  If you know he likes chocolate cake, do you make it for him?  Sure.  If you know that he needs a lunch tomorrow, do you make it for him?  Of course you do!  Well he needs sex more. More than a clean house, more than freedom to go hunting or golfing, more than dinner tonight.  (and it would probably be faster than all that time in the kitchen)  And you know what else?  You agreed to that when you got married.  When you get married, two become one and your body is not your own anymore.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

There is an ENTIRE book of the Bible about sex.  A whole book!!  My Bible knowledge may be escaping me at the moment but I don't remember any other books of the Bible as solely devoted to a single subject as the Song of Solomon.   I think that probably means it's important.  Song of Solomon is racy - with words like "breast" and everything.  In Bible times you had to be a certain age to even read it.  If something is important to God, the enemy knows it and will try to thwart it at all costs.  When I started this post, all hell broke loose around here.  Seriously.  I had kids crying, pouring water in each others lunch, manhandling the cat, throwing mud at each other, more crying...  I don't think it was a coincidence.  I think that this is something I was supposed to post about and the enemy was trying his best to stop it.  Having a healthy marriage is important to God.  And I'm pretty sure that involves sex.  Here are two good books on the topic:  

 

If you're not in the mood, try getting in the mood.  That means get away from your kids.  Date your spouse.  I've polled friends lately and am shocked and how few of them go on dates with their husbands.  I want out of this house alone with my hubby any chance I can get!!  It doesn't have to be expensive - could be Taco Bell for all I care.   There are millions of things you could do for a date that don't cost a lot. Can't afford child care?   Try trading babysitting with friends.  I have several friends that have date nights at home.  Feed the kids in another room with a movie while you dine together alone.  Or wait till they are in bed and really go nuts.  Eat ice cream by yourselves!  (You thought I was going to say something else didn't you...go do that too!)

Are you going through a dry spell?  Get out of your yoga pants.  Put on make up.  Do your hair.  Buy some new undies.  And get out of your yoga pants!  Send him a racy text or (gasp) picture.  (Make double double sure you're sending it to him and not the piano teacher)  Too tired at night?  Do it in the morning!  Up at night going pee?  Get him on the way back to bed!  I doubt he'll mind the interruption in sleep.  Feeling self conscious about your chubby post-baby body?  I doubt he cares.  I'm sure he'd prefer chubby sex to no sex.  Is he being a jerk?  Sex may help that too.  Maybe if you are putting his needs above your own he will start to do the same.  Just really don't feel like it?  So what.  When you are married, your husbands interests need to become important to you and I guarantee he's interested in sex.  Whatever it takes, make it a priority.  Put it on the calendar if you have to.  Add it to your "to do" list.  Send yourself a reminder, shoot for a goal number of times a week, WHATEVER it takes to help you get it done, do it!

Your husband would die for you.  Have you ever put much thought in that?  This man that you married would truly die for you if he had to.  God has called you to love and respect him, whether he deserves it or not, and loving him in marriage involves sex. Husband need sex and need to feel pursued by us.  Know what else?  He can't read your mind.  I'll just say that again.  HE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND.  It might be obvious to you that the trash is overflowing and needs to be taken out.  If it's not obvious to him, ASK him.  Don't just assume he's being lazy by not doing it.  It's probably not on his radar.  All husband radars are different.  If it would free you up to have sex if he took out the trash or helped more with the kids, say so.  I bet he'd do both!  He's not a mind reader though.  The things he did to woo you when you were dating are probably outdated.  Tired mamas need different things.  Help the guy out and just say what you need.

Pray about it.  Our Heavenly Father cares about us.  He cares about our marriages and the things we're struggling with.  He knows anyways, so talk to Him.  Pray about it and He'll help.  Here are thirty verses on marital sex:   http://www.openbible.info/topics/marital_sex

Wear your diamonds!

Have you ever looked up and realized that it's been over a week since your kids had a bath?  You have no idea when anyone's teeth got brushed last, you don't remember the last time you actually cooked (didn't just make quesadillas or frozen waffles), and you've been in your yoga pants for who knows how long?  Sometimes being a mom is about just surviving.  I think my kids are getting to the age where things are getting easier but there will still be seasons to just get through.  Like this month.  Oh my word this month!  Three of our kids have birthdays this month.  We started school, my husband and I celebrate our thirteenth anniversary, our cat is getting spayed, I've had three dentist appointments, we start Awana (I'm the Cubbies director this year) and between my husband and I we've had at least five meetings.  We've also had people over for dinner twice and had play dates with friends.  Two of my kids are in gymnastics and the other has piano.  Most of those things were very fun so I'm glad for them but sometimes life is about surviving it.

And sometimes, while we're just surviving it we should put on our diamonds.  It's easy to get so busy "doing" and forget to do fun things like that.  Because I'm a stay-at-home mom, most of my "doing" is at home. I'm not being lazy if I wear yoga pants day after day - it kinda makes more sense when I'm cleaning my house or weeding the garden.  But sometimes it feels good to put on your diamonds.  Or your cute boots.  I love boots.  I own many pairs - black, brown, tall, taller, short, spiky heals, no heals - but I rarely get to wear them.  Even though we are crazy busy I am usually at home and I'm not being lazy in my dress, I'm just being practical.  It wouldn't make sense to wear some clothes when muddy kids could ruin them.

It's nice to have to things to look forward to while you're surviving a phase.  It might be your diamonds or boots, or it might be ice cream or a margarita after the kids in bed.  What do you enjoy doing?  Do you even remember?  Being able to look forward to reading, running, scrapbooking, or some other hobby might keep you sane.  Maybe it's your favorite show with your husband or maybe even canoodling!!  (There could be a WHOLE other post on canoodling)  When you're frustrated or feeling blue, try to give yourself something to look forward to.  Go canoodle.  Put on your diamonds.  Life is hard but it might be more fun that way.  :)

The Horrible Homeschooling Day

Oh my word today was awful.  AWFUL!!!  Everyone who homeschools has awful school days.  How do you handle them?  What do you do??  Today I didn't handle things well and if I'm completely mature and honest I'd say that most of the time we have awful school days it's my fault.  Obviously there is (at least) one child being a stinker about their work, but it's how I handle it that determines how the day goes.  If I wake up early enough to have two cups of coffee before the kids are awake our day goes smoother.  And even better, if I wake up early enough to have a two cups of coffee, exercise and have a quiet time, my day is MUCH better.  A while back I had a blog post about setting the tone in your home.  http://parkermama.blogspot.com/2013/07/mom-sets-tone.html

 Last month I went to a homeschool conference and one of the speakers I heard was Dawn Hudson.  She is such a great speaker and a rep for "My Father's World" curriculum.  The title of her talk was "Mom and the Terrible, Horrible Homeschooling Day".  I've heard her speak before and had takeaways from her talk that I remembered and used throughout the year, so I was especially hopeful about this one.

To start with she said you need to have goals or the reasons you are homeschooling, written down and put in a place where you'll see them often.  On the fridge, on your bathroom mirror, wherever you'll be constantly reminded of why you are doing this.  It's so tempting, when you are having a bad day, to start calling the schools asking for information about registering your child.  But you can't give up!  There may be a time when you don't homeschool anymore but that needs to be a prayerful decision made with your spouse - not a reaction to a terrible day.  Having the reasons you are doing this fresh in your mind helps you get through that bad day.  You need to know why you are homeschooling.  People will ask you and it shouldn't be an invasive question - you should know why you are doing this.  It's not some big secret.  Or at least it shouldn't be.  Your kids should also know why you are doing this.  People are going to ask them too!

Next - meet physical needs.  Don't just push through.  Does your child have blood sugar issues?  Do they need a snack?  That's usually what's going when the drama escalates here.  I don't like giving my kids snacks because then they won't eat their meals as well.  Plus if I feed one kid then I have to feed four kids and if I'm already in the kitchen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I want out!  I've got other things to do besides feed people!  But, sometimes they really do need to eat.  Grocery money is tight but having snacks I can just hand them is sometimes worth my sanity.  If I'm hungry or thirsty I go get a snack or a drink.  I forget sometimes what it must be like to have to ask someone else every time for those things.  How frustrating it must be to be a kid sometimes.  Especially when that crabby grown-up says "no".

Take a break.  I hate taking breaks.  I'd rather just get finished but sometimes the kid just needs a break and a little physical activity.  Make them run laps around the yard, go jump on the trampoline - whatever - but get that blood moving so oxygen can get back to the brain!  Sometimes the break may need to be a nap.  Have them go lay down for a little bit.  We still have one napper in the house so that means we still have four nappers in the house.  I need the break so I always make my kids go lay down for a little bit in the afternoon.  The three oldest don't sleep but need that down time.  That's their time to read, play quietly, or watch a movie.  And sometimes, I need to wait to finish school until after nap time.

Look at the problem another way.  I don't like doing this either.  I just wanna push through!  The work we are doing is simple and I don't feel like I need to get all crazy creative just so they can add 2 and 2 a new way.  But, sometimes that's what's needed.  Instead you can try using a hands-on activity.  Dawn Hudson suggested sidewalk chalk - for math problems, sentences, pretty much whatever can be done on paper could be done in your driveway.  Different manipulatives - beans, counting blocks, cereal, shoes, anything!  Use a video - there are videos for every subject imaginable and sometimes it's ok if they just go watch a math video.  Also you can use the internet as a resource.  You don't have to recreate the wheel.  Use the tools you can find online to help!  http://www.welltrainedmind.com/  This website is supposed to be wonderful.  I haven't used it yet and just keep forgetting I guess but they have all kinds of forums and useful information.  Remember that homeschooling does not have to look like public schooling does.  Your child does not have to sit still in their desk doing worksheets until a bell rings.  There are lots of other ways for them to learn.

Know the absolutes - what has to be done.  Plan your school year out so you know what needs to be done.  If you sit down with the calendar and figure out how many school days you'll have (180 is pretty standard) you can estimate how many days a month you've got to work with.  Plan out what they need to do each month so that you can relax a little when you just need a day off.  You also don't have to do every subject every day.  A suggestion Dawn had from a talk I went to last year was to start school slowly.  If you start with only one or two subject and take your time getting into the full swing of everything, then the end of the year is also nice because the school work tapers off.

Find the humor in the situation.  The way we look at things affects how we handle them.  If you go into the day looking for the funny, it's gonna be funnier.  I had an argument with one child today about a math problem and it could have been funny.  I was pretty mad so it wasn't but it could have been. Seriously child, I have a bachelor's degree.  I KNOW what 8+7 is and you are wrong!  Could have been funny, but it wasn't.

Be a student your spouse and your children.  I think Dr. Dobson said this.  There is always more to be learning about the people closest to us.  You should know your child well enough to know what their learning style is.  If they are auditory learners, read it out loud.  If they need to see the problem written out, write it out!  There are lots of resources out there for helping to figure out learning styles.  Last year I found this book and thought it was so helpful.  It's called "The Way They Learn: How to discover and teach to your child's strenths" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias.  I learned a lot about myself in the process which gave me a greater sense of peace about who God created me to be.

I can tell by the look on my husbands face when he hits the door, the kind of day he had.  I can tell by the way he's walking, the way his jaw is set, the way his eyebrows are arched and the crinkles by his eyes.  Study your children too.  Spend time thinking about your children's behavior.  Are they acting normal?  Is there something bothering them?  Are they tired?  I usually notice things after a few days (I'm a little slow).  Most kids don't just spill it if you quiz them so find a way to talk to them.  It's easier for most people to talk while they are doing something.  Fold laundry, pull weeds, or empty the dishwasher with your child and try to get them talking that way.  Don't trap them in the car, barrage them with questions or drop a bomb on them.  Do something with them and give them space if they need it.

Call/Text a friend!  Homeschooling is so much easier if you have other friends who homeschool.  We belong to a homeschool co-op that is wonderful.  When we started I hadn't really thought about how I would be gaining friends too.  The moms in this group have been a wonderful source of encouragement and information and I'm so thankful for all of them!  Sometimes if you're having a rough homeschooling day you need to talk to someone else who knows exactly what you're going through.  Call, text, email, or facebook them!  And be ready to pass on encouragement on the days they need it.

Lastly, remember that everyone has rough days.  Sometimes your kids are just having a bad day.  Don't take it personal.  It's not all about you.  I have a page of verses taped to my homeschool closet and they have been helpful too.

Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

1 Thessalonians 5:24
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

Psalm 107:1
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

Happy Birthday Little Man

 Today my baby boy turns four.  I'm sad about that and wish this wasn't going by so quickly.  He is such a sweet little guy.  All kids are sweet sometimes but he is almost always sweet.  It's part of his general disposition.  He's sensitive, articulate in his little boy way, and musical.  He LOVES music.  He's a good big brother and a stinker little brother.  He plays well by himself and has a good imagination. He loves pirates and Mickey Mouse.  He's very physical and also loves his gymnastics class, jumping on the trampoline, and swimming.  He loves Sunday School, likes to count the number of people who love him, and he always colors everything blue.  Loud noises bother him and I have MANY picture of him with his hands on his ears.

He was my third c-section.  We had to be at the hospital at 6am and he was born at 8:32am.  He weighed 9 lbs 4 oz.  He was so big he had some blood sugar issues and had to be given formula right away because I couldn't nurse him.  I reacted badly to the anesthesia and had then blood pressure issues in recovery.  It felt like it took forever before I got to see him.  My poor husband was starting to get so stressed that they wouldn't let him in to me.  When I finally did see baby boy I couldn't believe

how big and chubby he was!  The medical staff in the operating room had made guesses at his size and settled on 7lbs something.  I knew he had to be bigger - I'd already had two 7lb babies and knew he was bigger.  By the end of his pregnancy I could barely walk!

Everything about this little guy was easier than his sisters had been.  The pregnancy was easier.  The hospital stay was easier.  Recovery wasn't because I had a latex allergy I didn't know about and reacted to the catheter.  Then found out I was allergic to sulfa drugs.  But the adjustment to him was easier because he wasn't fussy.  He was a good sleeper, a good eater, and a mellow/happy baby.  He is still that way.  He's almost always pleasant.  He needs to feel listened to and all kids probably do but it's especially stressful to him to feel like he isn't being heard.  Being in the middle of four kids makes that hard sometimes and having three sisters makes that especially hard.

I wish I could peek into the future and see what God has for him.  I wish I knew if I'm doing everything I need to be doing to prepare him for his future.  He's so easy in so many ways that it's almost harder to train him.  He's so pleasant that I really don't ever care what he's doing.  I'm not used to getting after him but when he pleasantly disobeys it's just as important that I discipline him as it is the sister that yelled and screamed when I told her to do something.  It's easier to remember to pray for the kid who's giving me trouble.  And it's easier to put off teaching him things because he's happy with whatever he's currently doing.  Those are things I need to work on!

Right now my kids just got up and I'm listening to them find all his birthday party decorations.  The sounds of happy kids are wonderful - his sisters are so happy for him that it's his special day.  He's

having a pirate party today and I hope he has fun.  His oldest sister is making him a special breakfast, his next sister is helping, and baby sister is following him around.  God didn't just chose me to be his mom, He chose the sisters my son would have.  I'm so thankful for this precious bunch of children I have.

Why we homeschool

Today is our first day of school.  We homeschool if you didn't know that.  I like to start at the beginning of August because it's hot and yucky here in August and by now our kids are bored and ready to get back to their routine.  If we start early like this then we can take more time off during the year and finish in May.  This our third year homeschooling and our kids are starting second grade, first grade, and  preschool.

Why do we homeschool?  Lots of people ask us this.  It probably wouldn't have been my first choice but as my husband and I prayed about our family we both felt like this what what God was asking us to do.  We are being obedient to God's plan for our family.  Here are some of the other reasons:

1.  We want our children's education to be God focused.  Our English curriculum talks about how God made words and our words are to be true, right etc.  I love this.  God is also the focus of our history and science and one of the subjects we study is the Bible.

2.  We want to be the main influence in our children's lives - not other kids or adults.

3.  We want our kids to have time for other activities.  We're usually done with school by noon at the latest.  If our kids were in public school they would get home around 2pm then have home work to do. I would never want my kids signed up for activities because I'd feel like I barely saw them or we just didn't have time.  Last year our kids took piano lessons and acting classes, did soccer, basketball, baseball, swim lessons, gymnastics, Awana, and we were involved in our home school group.  It was busy but fun and we had time for everything!

4.  We want our kids to be able to go at their own pace in school.  If they struggle or excel in a subject we can adjust.  Or if they love a subject we can spend more time on that.  Our second child has a December birthday and she would have had to wait until she was almost six to start kindergarten.  Because we homeschool I was able to start her the August she was four (almost five) and she was more than ready.

These are some of our reasons.  We have nothing against public school and don't judge anyone who makes that choice for their family.  Homeschooling is not for everyone and is not God's plan for every family.  We appreciate the friends and family that are supportive of our decision to homeschool.  I was kindof surprised by some of the judgement we got when we first started this.  How on earth could someone else tell me what was best for my kids?   I'M the one who is praying about it.  We aren't about pleasing people but obeying God and since this is what He asked of us, this is what we're gonna do.  I don't know long we will homeschool so will follow God's leading about that.  For now we are enjoying it (for the most part :)  and I'm looking forward to another year with our kids.

One of the most rewarding things I have ever done has been teaching our oldest two kids to read.  It's not rocket science and I used a book that told me what to do but I still felt awesome.  I did that!!  And they both read well!

We belong to a homeschool group and it has been such a great experience.  Our kids go to class every Friday.  This year our second grader will be doing a writing class that focuses on missionaries.  I'm teaching in our first grader's class and they are doing world geography, and our preschooler will be in an ABC based class.  Our homeschool group goes on field trips and last year we went to a dairy, visited a bakery at the supermarket, a pumpkin patch, and toured In-N-Out.  They also had a bowling party, a Fall party, a track meet, went to Magic Mountain, and had a snow day.  In the past we've also gone to the Monteray Aquarium.  Throughout the year the little kids were paired with older kids for Book Buddies and had reading time together each week.  The kids played games, learned the pledge, sang patriotic songs, did crafts, memorized verses, and enjoyed the year together.  At the end of the year they had an Open House where the kids performed songs and verses they'd memorized, and showed off their work from the year.  The friends our kids and I have made from this group have been such a blessing and we're looking forward to another year together.

Why should I discipline my child?

Someone recently told my husband that our children were very well behaved.  Compliments like that are so nice to hear (especially when you are going through a rough patch).  One of the kindest things you can do for your child is to discipline them.  People like to be around well behaved kids. The way you parent affects the way others think of your children.  It's an unfair thing to do to your child to let them act like a brat.  It makes other people not like them and as a parent, wouldn't that bother you to know that people dislike your children?  I would hate to think someone was thinking "Oh great - here comes that Parker kid".  Or "oh I hope that the Parker's don't come.  Their kids are such monsters".

Wanting people to like my kids is a very earthly reason to discipline them.  That should not be my end goal.  I want people to like my kids so that they can see Christ.  I want people to enjoy my family so we can show the love of God.  No one is gonna see that, if our kids are little terrors.  It will ruin our witness.

In this world our children will have to learn to obey.  No matter what we think of it, they will have to obey their teachers, their boss, the law, and those in authority over them or they will pay the consequences.  How much kinder will it be, if they first learn that they need to obey their parents.  If they never ever have to obey you, life is going to be hard for them.  Much harder than it needs to be.  I don't want life to be hard for my children!  It's going to be hard enough without adding to it.   I've heard Bible teachers say that the most important lesson a toddler needs to learn is to obey their parents.

Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.

Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

When you tell them to do something, they need to do it.  And do it the first time you ask them to (I'm not good at that part).  If you start training your child as a toddler it will be so much easier to do as they get older.  The longer you wait, the harder it'll be.  A ten year old who has never had to obey will be much more difficult to deal with than the two year old was.  And a twenty year old who has never been told "no" is going to deal with the consequences for the rest of their life.  My brother works at a prison for boys and I'm sure he would swear to the fact that almost all of the kids there were never taught to obey anyone.  They got to do whatever they wanted and look where it got them.  Eventually life will teach your child the lessons that you don't and it's going to be easier for them if you do it.

Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.

Proverbs 29:17
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.

One of the biggest reasons we need to teach our children to obey us is because it will help them learn to obey God.  We need to obey God.  To not do that is to sin and there are consequences of sin.  I would much rather that my children learn the consequences of disobedience from me than from God.

Hebrews 12:7
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?