Don't ever do that. Don't go to a party, rush in and out and ask for your cake to go, unless you are a blood relative or have been through some kinda major event with that person - like a car bombing or giving birth in an elevator. This post has absolutely nothing to do with the birthday parties we just survived here. Or the guests who came to those parties. It is about a realization I had of myself last year. I was not a good guest. I'm kindof a homebody. I love to be a hostess and have people in my home but feel a little bit uncomfortable going into someone else's space. I go into it feeling a little stressed for some reason. Moving out of your comfort zone is always hard I guess. Last year, I realized that I was probably not the most fun party guest ever invited. I went into the environment thinking about myself and my stress, not about the person hostessing or even the kid who the party was for. Shame on me! Oh I hate it when I discover something like this. Maturing can be a painful process but I hope that I'm being teachable. I often pray that I would have a teachable spirit because if I really do want to grow in areas that I need it. But anyways, that got me thinking about what a good guest should be doing. What kinds of things do I appreciate about guests who come into my home?
For starters, RSVP. It doesn't matter if someone sent the invite on facebook, by phone, mail, or evite - you should respond. If they took the time to invite you, respond! It's hard to plan if you don't know how many people are coming. I'm not talking to the people who just completely forget - that happens to everyone. I mean the habitual non-responders. If you are in the midst of trying to plan a party and have to add contacting all the non-responders to the "to do" list, it can be frustrating. Plus when you're the hostess and invite someone, you are putting yourself out there. Picture a little kid asking someone to be their friend. That's how it feels!
Greet the other guests and make pleasant conversation. When I was growing up I had one uncle who always said "hi" to me. When we got together for a family event he always greeted me. As a child it made me feel cared for. This busy adult took the time to say "hi" to me. My father in-law is also very good at this. It used to be common etiquette that when you entered a room you said "hello" to everyone in the room. People don't use etiquette for pretty much anything anymore but some of those traditions were good ones. After you greet the other guests, don't just sit your fanny down and wait for cake. Make conversation. Is there someone who seems like they feel out of place? Go and talk to them. Maybe they don't know anyone else there. The hostess is busy and may not have the time to introduce them to everyone, so go introduce yourself. I have a memory of myself not doing a good job of this. I saw another mom at a party and knew she didn't know anyone else there and I did nothing to make her comfortable. I was a close friend of the hostess and I should have done that for her as well as for the mom who didn't know anyone.
After you greet and meet the other guests, make pleasant conversation. We use this phrase a lot in our house. When our kids are done eating at dinner they don't get to rush off. They get to stay at the table and make pleasant conversation until the rest of us are done eating. When you are at a party, don't be offensive. Don't say/do things to the other guests that will make them uncomfortable. Sounds like common sense but this happened at our house once and because of it one guest left early. I was so frustrated. There may have even been a point to what was said but a party in someone else's home was not the time or place to bring it up. When people come into my home I want them to feel safe and be comfortable.
Ask what you can do to help. I especially love it when people say "What can I do to help?" implying they are gonna help whether I tell them what to do or not. With kid parties it is really nice to have a friend who is willing to take pictures. If I'm running kid games, getting kids drinks, taking kids potty, keeping kids out of the garden etc, it's hard to also be the photographer. It's so nice to have friends offer to help with things like that. And with cleaning up! It's wonderful to have people over who help clean up. Whenever I go to dinner at someone's house I try to help because I know what it feels like to have the guests leave and then turn around and wash dishes for an hour and a half. No fun!
Offer a seat to the older guests. Is there someone elderly at the party? They get first dibs at the chair and the cool spot by the fan. Are there moms with young children there? Offer to help them if you can. Hold their baby so they can eat. Hold their baby so they can get their other kids food. Is there someone pregnant at the party? She gets whatever she wants!! It doesn't matter if it's irrational!
If you are bringing your own children to a party, keep an eye on them. Don't meander in, start chatting and forget about the little people you brought. Make sure they are behaving. If it's an outside party, keep them outside. Don't let them trash the house and terrorize the family cat. Or unwrap presents and turn on the sprinklers. It's not the hostesses job to take care of your kids. Encourage your children to help the other children have fun. It doesn't have to be their own party for them to be helpers. Some kids have a hard time going into new situations, just like some adults do. My girls are good at helping and making sure everyone's being included. I've gotten several compliments on their manners and actions at parties and I'm so thankful! Teach your children how to be good guests as well. The culture we live in does not teach these things anymore - it's up to you.
Compliment the hostess. It's a lot of work to have people over - for big parties or just for dinner. You don't know how much work it may have taken that poor mom to get it done. Those sagging streamers and droopy cake, or the professional decorations and Martha Stewart home. You don't know what all it took to get it accomplished. You may think "oh she's great at making cakes" to yourself and then sound a little snide about it thinking yours never look that good. You have NO IDEA how hard that may have been for her. Compliment her on it! Does her house look nice? Say so! It's hard having people over! And I'm truly not saying this to make sure the people who come here do and say certain things. I'm saying it to remind myself to behave a certain way when I am the guest. Because I know I've failed at these in the past.
Remember when you go into someone else's home that it was an honor to be invited. If you think of it that way you'll behave differently. When we have people to our home I take it seriously. I pray for those coming - that they would feel God's presence in own home. That they would know they are loved and cared for, that the things we do and say would be pleasing to Him. When you go into someone else's home remember that that is their sacred space you are going into.
Here are some verses on hospitality.
http://www.openbible.info/topics/hospitality
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