Intentional Parenting

A couple years ago I attended a parenting conference at our church and it was really wonderful.  I started this blog post way back then but hadn't finished it till now.  It was so good to go back and reread what I'd gleaned from that conference.  The reminders and things I learned were so well timed and perfectly perfect for what I needed to hear - back then and now.   Here are a few of the things that stood out to me the most:

It was called the Intentional Parenting Conference and right there was a good nugget.  My parenting needs to  be intentional.  The number of years I have to teach and train is very short and I need to make the most of every second I have with these kids.  The pastor leading this conference showed a pie graph with the number of hours in a year our children spend at home, church, school etc.  The number of hours they spend with me FAR outweighs the time they spend any place else.  And since we homeschool I have even more hours to work with.  I need to use this time wisely.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

This verse is a proverb not a promise.  God does not promise us that our children will turn out.  They are created with their own will and will make their own choices in life, but it is my responsibility as a parent to train and teach.  Much of the training of my kids will involve modeling.  They will model my behavior and the things that they see me doing need to correspond with what I'm saying.

I cannot pour from an empty cup.  My personal spiritual growth needs to be a priority.  That means I need to be reading my Bible daily.  I need to have a prayer life and be an active part of my church family.

My relationship with God should not be private.  My kids need to see it and I need to be a living example to them.

Teaching my kids about their identity needs to be a bigger focus in my parenting.  If I don't teach my children about their identity the world will, and that's a scary thought.  Teach your kids about their identity in Christ, their identity in family and their identity in church.  The ideas the speaker gave on this were so wonderful and I plan to do ALL of them!

To help her sons know their identity in Christ, the speaker framed a prayer of blessing in their room that she prays for them every night.  It was from the book God's Wisdom for Little Boys by Elizabeth George and goes like this:  Dear God above for this child I pray, that (their name) would be a godly man someday, make him a man who loves you true, a man of wisdom who pleases you.  I think having that daily reminder that they were created by God and are children of God is a good thing.

Knowing their identity in our family is also a good thing.  I did not grow up feeling like I was a contributing member to the family.  My parents were busy and I always felt like it was my job to just stay out of the way.  I did my own thing.  I want my kids to know that the part they play is important to our household running smoothly, even if this means the job isn't done perfectly.  By having chores they learn skills, responsibility, and gain self confidence.

Their identity in our family should also come from knowing that they are third in importance.  My husband and I should love God first, each other next, and the kids third.  It is a secure feeling for our kids to know that their parents are happily married so we need to work at being happily married.  For us this means that we are affectionate in front of the kids, we date as often as we possible can, and we treat each other well.  The kids help tidy the house at the end of the day so it looks nice when my husband gets home from work.  They see me making things he likes for dinner and buying him little treats. We don't hide every conflict from the kids.  They see us argue sometimes and work things out and hopefully are learning good things about how to handle conflict.  One idea the speaker did in her house was to have pictures of herself and her husband (without kids!) that she put up and changed often.  I love that.  It's good for kids to not think they're the center of the universe.  Families who revolve around kids, create self-centered kids.  Not what I want.

At this conference I learned what a catechism is.  You may already know but here's the definition:  a summary of the principles of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers, used for the instruction of Christians.  One of the speakers used this book - The Truth and Grace Memory Book - with her kids and I really liked the idea of it.  I started using it with my kids and love the truths they are committing to memory.  We do it at breakfast, which works for us since we homeschool.  We're all here and have time then.  I have no idea what God has planned for my kids but Isaiah 55:11 is a good reminder for me.  so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  His Word will not return void.  If I'm faithful to be teaching my kids His Word, He will use it.  Somehow, sometime in their lives.  

If you think about what your goals for your children are, that also helps to guide your intentional parenting.  I want my kids to have their own personal relationship with Him and to love God's word.  Psalm 86:11 is the verse I pray the most often for my kids.  Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth.  Unite my heart to fear your name.  What do you do to be an intentional parent with your kids?  I would love to hear more ideas!