It's not about me

If you run into someone at the store, at church, or while picking up your kids and they are short/snippy with you, what's the first thing that goes through your mind?  I usually think "what did I do??" and then rack my brain thinking of the times I've spent with that person and what I could have possible done or said to upset them.  Or I might get defensive and then go about my day being frustrated that that person has blighted my lovely mood with their crabby's.  Chances are both responses are wrong.  Most likely it was not about me to begin with.  Who knows what is going on with that person but to jump to the assumption that their bad mood is all about me is showing a selfish heart.  When we think that everything is "all about me" we are being ineffective for God.  We instead need to focus on what is true.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

If we know for a fact that we have offended someone or sinned against them then we need to go to them, ask forgiveness and seek restoration.  Matthew 18:15-20 shows how we are to handle conflict with other believers.  If we do not know anything for a fact, then we are not thinking on what is true.  We are wasting precious energy and head space and being selfish.  Instead of making assumptions, we should just ask the person "Did I upset you in some way?".  Most likely we haven't and they can then tell us what is wrong.  And depending on what is wrong we can help them if by no other way than to pray for them.

Self-focus is time consuming and takes energy.  Instead we should direct our energies to thinking of others.  Thinking like a servant.  Worrying also takes energy.  There is a freedom and sense of peace that comes when  we quit worrying and quit thinking of ourselves.  It is freeing to not worry about others moods and assume that they have to do with us.  In the book Loving God with All Your Mind author Elizabeth George says this  "I have stopped wondering what others might be thinking or what I might have done wrong.  My guesses are just that.  They're guesses rather than fact, reality or truth....As I stopped analyzing my every move and second guessing other people's ideas about me, I experienced more peace and greater openness in my relationships."  Elizabeth George is talking about friend relationships here but this can also apply to our relationship with our kids.  Not everything they do is about us.  I forget this often and assume that if they're acting badly, it's about me.  Or if they're acting good, it's about me.  Sometimes it might be but I need to remember to not take too much credit either way because it's not always about me.

I like these verses and thinking they are fairly fitting.

Romans 12:3
 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves

This book is on my "to read" list.  Have you read it?  It looks good and seems to go along with this post and I wish I had already read it.  This is the book description:

What are the marks of a supernaturally changed heart? This is one of the questions the Apostle Paul addresses as he writes to the church in Corinth. He s not after some superficial outward tinkering, but instead a deep rooted, life altering change that takes place on the inside. In an age where pleasing people, puffing up your ego and building your résumé are seen as the methods to make it , the Apostle Paul calls us to find true rest in blessed self forgetfulness. In this short and punchy book, best selling author Timothy Keller, shows that gospel humility means we can stop connecting every experience, every conversation with ourselves and can thus be free from self condemnation. A truly gospel humble person is not a self hating person or a self loving person, but a self forgetful person. This freedom can be yours...

As I go through this week my prayer is that I remember it's not about me.  I'm praying that I remember to put others first and take every thought captive so I can be useful to Him.