Created to be his helpmate

I am currently a stay-at-home mom but before that was an accountant.  That was an odd little phase of life where I wondered what God was doing.  Like everyone, I changed my major several times before finding the perfect fit.  It was so strange that I landed on accounting because that's not really me.  But that is where God led me and so I followed assuming He knew what He was doing.  Things clicked and I enjoyed my classes, I graduated with honors, got an internship and then a job at a firm in the central valley.  I'm thankful that my wonderful parents were supportive and trusted that I was following God's leading.

During this time my husband struggled to know what he was supposed to do and find a major that fit him.  After I went into accounting and got a job, he got interested in accounting.  And wahlah!  He was great at it.  He could be great at anything but this truly is what God created him to do.  My husband finished his accounting degree and got a job at the same firm where I worked.  For two years we got to work together and it was wonderful.

I quit working after we had our first baby and now my husband is a manager and CPA.  He passed all the parts of the CPA exam on the first try (only 10% of people who take it can do that).  He does taxes, financial statements, special district audits, gives in-house CPE classes and he's great at all of it.  THIS is what God created him to do and if it weren't for me, he wouldn't be doing it.  People told him they didn't think this was him and I just kept encouraging him that yes it was and I thought this was where God was leading him.  All those years that I was wondering why on earth God had me in accounting make sense now and I do not think any of my time was wasted.  I have a degree and knowledge I never would have had otherwise.  When my husband talks about his day I understand what he's talking about.  I know his coworkers and clients and am understanding of his long hours.  If I ever wanted to, I could do bookkeeping or taxes from home and if I really needed to could probably get a job at the firm where I'd worked.  I don't know how else God will use accounting in my life but I will be ready!

I was created to be a lot of things and part of that is to be my husbands helpmate.  I don't know why this is such a hot topic for Christian females but it is.  It doesn't mean I don't have a brain, can't have a job, or need to act like a twit.  It doesn't mean that my call is any less important than my husbands but God created wives to be helpmates and created husbands to need that.

Genesis 2:18
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

 In the book "Created to be his Help Meet" by Debi Pearl the author says "You are, by nature, equipped in every way to be your man's helper.  You are inferior to none as long as you function within your created nature, for no man can do your job, and no husband is complete without his wife."  This does not mean that you are his doormat, that you need to enable him, or that you can't have your own interests.  It means he needs your help in order to become what God intended for him to be.  What an important job that is!!

Husbands have their own call.  If you woke up one night hearing that someone had broken into your house,  I'm guessing you would wake up your husband and maybe grab the phone to call 911, but your husband would be the one to go out and meet the intruder.  Our husbands are responsible for the physical safety of their family.  They would give up their lives for us.  I don't know about you but I would much rather have the responsibility of helping him and managing the home.  You may have a husband that is not doing his part.  He may be sitting around expecting you to support him.  Not in God's plan.  He may know God but not see the importance of leading his family spiritually.  Not in God's plan.  He may just be a jerk.  Plain and simple.  NOT in God's plan.  But whatever he's doing that is not in God's plan - that does not excuse you from what God calls you to do.  And part of which is to help your husband.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than for men.

No More Perfect Moms

A group at my church recently started an online book club for the book "No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage.  I didn't especially feel like reading it but everyone else was doing it so I thought I might as well.  Plus I found it for the kindle really cheap.  This book is worth the time and I would highly recommend it.  And don't just read it.  Get a friend to read it too so you can talk about it!    This is the book description:

If you've ever forgotten to pick your kid up from soccer practice or accidentally worn two different shoes to the grocery store, this book is for you. Being a mother is not for those who display symptoms of the "Perfection Infection." There is simply no such thing as a perfect mom. And there are no such things as perfect kids, perfect bodies, perfect marriages, or even perfect meals. With refreshing honesty, author Jill Savage exposes some of her own parental shortcomings with the goal of helping mothers everywhere shelve their desires for perfection along with their insecurities of not measuring up to other moms . Jill delivers some much-needed realism as she explains why we need to stop comparing our insides to other people's outsides.  She challenges every mom to exchange her vision of being a "perfect mother" for God's beautiful grace in order to learn to love her real, but imperfect, life.

I wasn't interested in this book at first because I didn't feel like I was striving for perfection -  just trying to survive this phase of life.   After reading a few chapters I realized that some of my expectations needed adjusting.  Surviving this phase of life depends on it!   I didn't think I was trying to have perfect days, perfect kids, or a perfect home but I was.  Once I remember posting pictures to facebook and leaving one out that showed how crooked my daughter's pigtail part was.  I'm terrible at parting hair and knew that if I posted that picture everyone else would see it and I'd get comments about it.  So I chose a different picture to post.  Only posting the perfect pictures gives a skewed view of things though.  My favorite thing about this book is that it's helping the moms around me to be honest.  Moms are opening up about struggles they're having and being honest about it.  I was so relieved to hear that these moms are having the same struggles as I am.  In my head I knew that everyone has bad days and deals with the same things, but actually hearing moms talk about it has been a relief.  Satan is the father of lies and if we are not honest we cannot live in peace.  

Psalm 34:14
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Baby Fog

I heard someone say once that they were coming out of "the baby fog".  I didn't have kids at the time and assumed that meant that she was finally getting sleep.  My baby is almost two years old now and after having four kids close in age I really really understand what that lady was talking about.  When you have a baby, the hormones, lack of sleep, and constant stress of taking care of that little person wears on you.  If you have a difficult baby it's even worse.  It alters your personality, your judgement, changes friendships, and you do and say things that you never would have done or said in another time.  Baby fog also affects your memory.  My sweet husband keeps trying to get me to take fish oil pills and I'm like "um no sweetie, how about instead you get up with the kids every night for years" because I think sleep will cure that.  I really hope that when I'm old and gray I will remember how difficult it is to have a baby.  I hope that when I see young families I will pray for that mom, bring them dinner, offer to babysit, give her encouragement, and not take her too personal.

I said that my baby is almost two and I can feel the fog lifting.  My kids are sleeping through the night so I'm more rested.   Physically taking care of a baby is tiring.  No exhausting.  Because you are doing it after being out of shape from being pregnant (four times right in a row), and from never getting to eat a full meal.  I'm getting past that too.  I'm in shape!  And I get to eat my food without so many interruptions I give up.  I no longer have to carry 10-30 pounds EVERYWHERE I go.  All my kids can now walk into the house from the car,  3/4ths are potty trained, I can delegate to my older kids and have more time for myself (not much as my first post on this blog was actually created in the bathroom - with kids on the other side of the door "needing" me).

I set a goal this year of reading one book a month.  After 7+ years of reading nothing but kid books I decided it was time.  There was a time when I seriously could not have told you who our vice president was.  Baby fog!!   I am so happy to say that so far this year I've read 32 books.  I had almost forgotten how much I loved to read.  I used to think "who has time to read??"  People who don't have four babies, that's who.  But now I don't either and I'm reading.  Hang in there moms!  If you have babies it's going to fly by and things will get easier!

Psalm 107:1

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Reading Time

Reading to my kids is something I've struggled with.  I feel so busy that the absolute last thing I've got time for is sitting down and reading.  My oldest got read to for hours each day.  She was a really difficult little one though and I probably wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been forced into it.  It was the one thing that would keep her quiet. #2 got lots of stories too but once babies #3 and #4 came along all reading seemed to stop.  I looked up one and day and it had been weeks since I read a book to the kids!  We were in survival mode!!

The kids are older now and half of them can read themselves but I'm still working on this. Bedtime is the traditional time to read to kids but since I've got four kids close in age and am often putting them to bed by myself that just doesn't always work. We read a little then but I just don't have time for much.  And truthfully, by the end of the day I'm usually so tired I just wanna shove them all in their rooms and shut the doors quick.

I'm better at getting things done if it's on the calendar or if I set a specific time/day to do it.  I started reading to my kids at breakfast and this time with them has been so special.  It's forced me to stop moving and just sit with my kids.  We've had conversations that I otherwise would've missed out on.  I love watching their interactions with each other as well.  And even though most of the books are over #3's head, he still hears everything and is paying more attention than I realize.  The other day he pointed out something his sister was doing that was not being a peacemaker. (leave it to the little brother to point that out)  I can't remember which book this was in but  I was so surprised that he'd understood that concept.

Some of the favorite books that we've read have been The Miller Stories.  They are stories about an Amish family with lots of kids.  The lessons are good and they are easy to read.   On days that I really just can't sit down with the kids at breakfast, my oldest will get out something to read to everyone.  Usually it's one of her Bibles.  I always think "Oh thank you Lord!" and know that He will bless that.

Hebrews 4:12  For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Importance of our words

While feeling blue earlier I was trying to count my blessings.  I remembered back to last week when in the same day,  I got two compliments.  Both comments made me feel good and came at a time when I needed to feel cared for.  How does the enemy attack you?  Because he does.

1 Peter 5:8 says Be alert and of a sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour. 

When I am under attack,  the enemy makes me feel like people don't like me.  It's different for everyone.  Some people feet fat or ugly, some feel overworked and unappreciated.  Knowing in advance what the enemy likes to use on you may help.  Now I can recognize that when I have those feelings I need to go pray!  And anytime I start a new Bible study, have consistently good quiet times, or am just being obedient to God - it triggers attack.

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 

When we go about our days we have no idea what's going on with the people we come in contact with.  We may think we do because we saw they posted about such and such on facebook but we really don't know.  Last week when I received those two compliments I was under attack.  There was no way they would have known that but their sweet words came at the perfect time.  Our words are so important and can give others the boost they need to get through a rough day.  Saying "thank you" or giving a compliment is so easy and yet we are often so caught up in our own busy-ness that we forget to do this.  Or we assume that others are saying it so we don't bother.  Last year I listened to a speaker and afterwards told her thank you and that I had really enjoyed her talk.  She was so relieved to hear that she'd done ok.  No one else had said anything to her afterwards and she really had shared her heart.  It was such a simple thing to tell her thank you and I'm glad that I did.  

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones

Feeling Blue

I'm having a rough week and feeling like a failure at everything.  I've recently found that almost every mom I know feels like a failure more often than not.  All of these moms are wonderful moms raising sweet kids and yet we still all feel this way.  I think that social media is partly to blame.  Facebook is wonderful for keeping in touch and on many days is my only link to the outside world.  It gives a skewed view of things though.  We don't post about the times we yelled at our kids or were selfish and crabby.  We don't share about the fights we had with our spouse or the worries we have about money.  Watching everyone else's lives on facebook gives us the ability to compare that our moms and grandma's didn't have.  This post was a good read about "The Facebook Effect"  http://www.victoriabrake.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-facebook-effect.html

More and more lately I am also finding facebook overwhelming.  Like being in a room with 30 people all talking at once.  I try to stay off but find myself hopping on to check something and then suddenly realizing how much time I just wasted.  And that my kids could have really used my attention during the time I was shooing them away.  In order to control the amount of TV my kids watch I picked times of day that the kids could watch and that was it.  Maybe I need to do that for myself with facebook.

My mom often told me to go turn on some hymns if I needed to adjust the mood in my home.  I'm not sure why my mood needs so much adjusting this week.  Maybe I'll feel better if I go clean something.  Or make a list.  Or turn on some hymns...

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name. 
Refrain

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

VBS

My kids start VBS tomorrow and I'm excited for them.  I have such special memories of going to VBS when I was little.  My grandparents lived in a small farming community out in the country and I went to VBS at their little country church.  I got to stay at their house for a week every summer.  When I was very young my older brother and two older cousins were also there.  VBS was all day long and my mom would buy fun things for the lunches Grandma would pack us.  I have memories of playing games outside, doing crafts, hearing stories about missionaries, learning the pledge to the Christian flag and the Bible, and singing "Onward Christian Soldiers".

I loved going to Kinsey.  My grandpa used to make his own sausage and that was my favorite thing for breakfast.  I loved going outside in my pajamas and hearing the morning doves.  I have fun memories of hunting for kittens in the barn, swimming in the horse tank, picking raspberries,  and playing badminton and board games.  The first time I ever saw the big dipper was there.  I lost a tooth one year and my grandma accidentally lost it down the drain.  Grandma would always french braid my hair and help me with crafts and Grandpa and I would make fudge.  Being farmers, my grandparents had huge gardens with  rows and rows of beautiful flowers.  Hollyhocks will always be my favorite I think.

My mom was raised in a family that went to church but her parents weren't believers until after she was an adult.  VBS also holds special memories for her because that's where she asked Jesus into her heart.  College students would come to the church and put on VBS every summer.  The only true spiritual feeding she received throughout the year were those weeks she got to spend at VBS

I take for granted the access to Bible teaching I had growing up.  My mom didn't have that but has made sure that her children did.  She changed her family tree.  I think one of the best things she did as a mom was to make us learn memory verses.  I have memorized hundreds of verses because of her and God always brings them to mind at the perfect time.  Speaking of which...this one just came to mind.

Psalm 103:17  But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children