A gentle answer...

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I have memorized this verse before but I recently found this treasure again and after having kids think that it's taken on new meaning for me.  And I think it also goes along well with yesterdays post about the tone of the home.  How we talk to each other is such a huge part of our home.  The tone of our voice, the volume of our voice, the intent with which we say things...  I wish I could say this part of our home is under control but it's not.  I yell, snap at people, say sarcastic things, and speak when I really should be quiet.  It's something to strive for though and I'm working on it because the way I speak influences how everyone else in our home interacts with each other.  What a big responsibility that is (yes another one!).  It influences how my husband talks to our kids, how the kids respond to us, how they talk to each other, and the tone of our home.  I want my family to be positively affected by the tone in our home but I want other people who come into our home to feel it too.

Everyone knows someone who is soft spoken and who it would seem shocking to hear a harsh word from.  Isn't it nice to be with that person?  They exude peace and if you haven't noticed I wanna be next to peace.  When you are with them do you find yourself talking that way too?  I do.  When I'm with a soft spoken person I find myself lowering my voice, thinking more before I speak, and slowing down.  

James 3:3-6

 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

There is no question how the author feels about this, is there?  And he's so right.  What we say is important!  When we chose to respond to our kids and our husbands with a gentle answer we change things.  It changes how they then respond to us!  And then how they go about their day responding to those they come in contact with.  And that is the point.  I want my kids to be a light for Christ, out there making a difference for the Kingdom.  But it all starts at home.

I recently heard the author Sheri Rose Shepard speaking on Focus on the Family.  She was talking about her book "Preparing Him for the Other Woman", a book about raising sons to be good husbands.  (I bet every wife in the world wishes her mother-in-law had read a book like this!)

 She mentioned sarcasm and how it is absolutely NOT allowed in their home and is treated right up there with lying.  Her reason was that it is disrespectful and if she was going to raise her son to be a good husband he needed to treat his wife with respect in his speech.  A lot can be masked with sarcasm but the inner attitude is still the same and it is one of disrespect.  When we have a gentle answer with our children it doesn't just involve the volume of our voice but the attitude in which we are delivering it.


And same with our husbands.  If you've read the book "Love and Respect" you'll remember how important respect is to our husbands.  Until reading this book I had no idea how it made my husband feel if I rolled my eyes or said something snotty (yes snotty) because it didn't do the same thing to me.  If you haven't read this one I'd recommend it and think it is the best book on marriage I've read.

The next time one of your stinker kids throws a fit or yells at you don't yell back.  Even as I type that I think of how glaringly immature that is but it's reflex isn't it?  Go beyond reflex this week.  Work at having a gentle answer with your husband and kids and see if it doesn't make a difference.  I'm sure it will!