Happy Birthday little one!

My second baby just turned six.  She is the classic middle child.  She tends to get overlooked and is always striving to catch up to her older sister.  Her birth felt like that as well.  After all the "hoopla" of our first baby I expected more but everyone seemed to have forgotten.  I heard "Oh that's right, you had a baby" more than once.  I didn't have any other friends pregnant this time around and since we had baby girl at Christmas time everyone was busy or out of town.

Being pregnant with a busy toddler is hard so I was really tired by the end of this pregnancy.  I struggled with post partum depression with our first baby and was still dealing with it when baby number two was arriving.  I'm sure those pregnancy hormones didn't help.  I remember being so anxious about leaving our oldest for the hospital stay as I had never left her before.

It all worked out in the end and baby number two was an easy c-section.  A piece of cake after my first one since this time I hadn't been in labor first.  Her arrival was planned, everything went smoothly, and she was precious.  She was born at 38 weeks whereas our oldest was born at 41 weeks.  Those three weeks of growth amazed me and I hadn't expected the difference.  This baby was just younger.  Smaller, thinner, and younger.  She was quiet, content, ate well, and slept well.  All different from our first baby and such a blessing the second time around.

It really was a blessing that she was a good newborn because recovering from a major surgery wasn't easy with a busy toddler and a baby.  AND at the same time we moved into our first house.  Her first year was a hard one for me and I don't remember a lot of it.  I remember being very very tired.  My husband worked a LOT of overtime that year with tax season and audit season and in between those busy seasons he was studying for the CPA exam.  I had one friend I was in email contact with and I know that God put her in my life for a reason that year.  She's not someone I had spent much time in contact with before or after that year.  I needed her and she was there for me every day, giving encouragement and just checking on me.  It's nice looking back on the hard seasons of life and seeing how God helped you through.

I can hardly believe this little girl is turning six now.  She seems so old for her age that I can't believe she's been five all this time.  She's very big for her age and it's often a hard thing.  People treat her differently and expect more of her because she looks older than she is.  And I am very guilty of doing this.  Every year on her birthday I'm sad she's getting older and feel bad that I didn't treat her as young as she really was that previous year.  And then I do it again the next year.  *sigh  At the same time though, she IS mature for her age and expecting more from her has been good in many ways.  She started kindergarten at four and was reading quickly.  She can out-think many kids older than her and has skills and abilities beyond her little years.

When she was a toddler she had the most beautiful curls.  I still think of her that way often.  She loves anything girly - pink, princesses, kitties, getting dressed up.  This girl's middle name is "Joy" and it suits her as she's almost always happy.  She's easy-going and has some wonderful phlegmatic traits.  She is pragmatic, a thinker and is very physical.   She plays well by herself and with others, and is nice to be around because she's undemanding.  She's also our strongest willed child though.  Because she's usually so easy it's harder to remember to train her.  It's easy to get after the kid who yells at you but to just let things go with the kid who is sneaky or who just looks at you and blinks (while not obeying).  Food battles were common when she was a toddler and praise the Lord we all survived that.

Our oldest two kids are sixteen months apart so very close in age.  They have always been together.  This child works SO hard to keep up with her older sister and for the most part she can do it.  It's good for her to be in classes without her older sister though (Awana, co-op, Sunday School).  It's good for her to be the oldest sometimes and not have to deal with that inner stress of "keeping up".  Our oldest two work well together and offset one another perfectly and I'm sure that when they get married they will each choose a spouse like the other.  This child is usually the brave, calm one who holds the older sisters hand and is reassuring.  While she can do her share of emoting, this child internalizes more.  And while a thinker, this child is a busy little doer as well.  If I let her help in the kitchen I have to work hard to stay ahead of her or she'll be using scissors to cut things open and shaking seasonings into the bowl because she thinks she knows what she's doing.    In the kitchen she is usually my "tortilla flipper".  She's also a good shopping partner as she loves going along for the ride.

She can hoola hoop for over two minutes and is good at drawing and singing.  She's competitive and loves to play any kind of sport - swimming, soccer, and gymnastics are her favorites though.  She likes to read and help in the kitchen and school comes very easy to her.  I'm looking forward to seeing this little one grow.  She always surprises me and I can't wait to see what she does this year.

You don't have to be a big meanie about it

Do you ever get the feeling that those in the medical field forget they are dealing with sick people?  I understand how it could happen.  I don't even hear kids cry or fight sometimes because I'm so used to it.  So I understand how it could happen.  But sometimes, it would be really nice to hear a kind word or even tone from the people you are dealing with at the doctors office.

Our kids have been sick.  Our sickest December ever I think.  I've had a sinus infection and have been sick since Thanksgiving.  The kids have had an eye infection, an ear infection, and now three have bronchitis.  I have been to the doctor seven times in the last week, and up with kids in the night.  I'm tired and the kids are tired.  Having to keep going out (to different doctors) when sick and not be able to just stay home and be sick, isn't helping.

Some of these doctors offices have been so frustrating.  I forgot my wallet at home when I went to my appointment.  I have been to this clinic before and yet they still made me drive all the way home (with four kids) to get the insurance card so they could actually see it.  Shouldn't they have that information all ready?  Didn't they make a photo copy of it?  Whatever.  I guess it made the 1 1/2 hour wait go faster as it seems like they kept my place in line.  The kids regular doctor looked at them and said they weren't sick, it was allergies.  No it's not.  I know you're a doctor and you're supposed to know, but it's not.  And I ended up having to take those three all back to the doctor later in the week.  So frustrating.

Yesterday I took two of the kids to an urgent care.  I had to call another doctors office to find their phone number.  I was all geared up to be stressed out and mad but the lady on the phone was so wonderfully pleasant and helpful.  I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her.  Her sweet tone changed my mood.  It gave me the boost I needed to face yet another looong morning with kids at the doctor.

Our words and the tone we use matter.  It changes things and can either inflame or diffuse a situation.  I know that when I sound crabby with my kids it affects how they talk to each other.  It affects how my husband talks and how the kids respond.  That sweet lady on the phone yesterday was such a good reminder of this.

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.

The other day I heard from one of my kids "Fine but you don't have to be a big meanie about it."  No I did not and she was completely right.  Sounding like a big meanie doesn't help anything.  Praying for a day today where I have gentle words with those around me.  Nincompoops at the doctor included.

The perfect holidays don't exist

I had a post this summer about how the perfect Sunday doesn't really exist.  The kind of Sunday where a happy and well groomed little family trots into church after a pleasant morning together.  I have determined that perfect holidays don't exist either.

When you see pictures on facebook of a happy family at Zoolights or cute kids making cookies, that is just a little snapshot of that family's day.  Those nice pictures do hold some good memories.  But they don't include the fighting kids, the crabby husband (not that I've ever had one of those), the fighting kids (did I say that already?), or the sheer exhaustion that comes with the holidays.  When you have kids, no one tells you that they will be sick for the first two years of their life - and part of that will include ALL of December.  When you see those perfectly "put together" looking families who are walking Candy Cane Lane or sending out beautiful Christmas cards, know that they are having rough days too.  You are not alone.

We've been having a rough couple of weeks here.  I mean ROUGH!!  Five of us are sick or on medication, I think I've cried every day this week, my kids are fighting like crazy and the drama has been ridiculous.  The other day one of my kids said  "Mom are you tired?  You only act this way when you're tired".  How very observant of her.  Another of my kids said to me "Fine but you don't have to be a big meanie about it."  And she was totally right.  I was being a big meanie about something.  Uugghh.

I started paying attention and realized that almost all of my friends are having rough weeks as well.  Those friends that I'd been jealous of because of their super cute graham cracker nativity scene or their kids fun Christmas program were just barely hanging in there too.  It takes thinking of others and not just your own junk to realize stuff like that.  And if you're out there just barely hanging on, know that you're not alone.  Mixed in with that stress you might have some very nice memories from this Christmas season, but know that the perfect holidays don't exist for anyone.

I wish I had wonderful advice to give young moms on how to survive the holidays.  I would like it if someone gave me some!  There's not much you can do about getting sick, but there are some things you can do to make things less stressful.  And even though we've had a rough couple of weeks, these things I'm listing have really helped.

The extent of our crafting this year

This year we have worked really hard at cutting back on the cost of Christmas and I think that's helped ease the stress.  We've also cut back on the number of extra things we usually do and our kids haven't even noticed.  All that scurrying around to get to fun places and they are just as happy at home making Santa faces with paper plates.

This year we've worked harder at eating healthy despite all the goodies around and I think it's helped our stress level.  Instead of making the dozens and dozens of cookies that I usually make (and then eat), I've made some healthier treats like cinnamon sugared almonds.  My fitness fanatic husband is on a roll this year and has not missed a work out yet.  Hard for me to sit around eating cookies when he's out there working hard on his health.

Last year I remember eating out a lot in December because we were just so busy.  This year I planned ahead and made some freezer meals to use this month.  It's been so nice to be able to pull out a meal for the crock pot instead of getting fast food or pizza.  Eat a decent breakfast.  If you skip breakfast thinking you're too busy, it's so much easier to eat junk later.

This year we've gotten more sleep.  Instead of rewatching a Christmas movie we've already seen 27 times, we've been going to bed earlier.  I've determined we have too many Christmas movies to get them all watched in December, so next year we'll start in November.  Or will maybe just decide we don't have to watch them all every year.

This year I had wanted to spend more time doing Bible-y Advent type things and we haven't gotten much done there.  I bought "The Truth is in the Tinsel" last year (plan for making Christmas ornaments to go along with scriptures about Christmas) and we just haven't gotten to it.  I did find a reading plan to use with the Jesus Storybook Bible for the month of December.  If I don't get anything else done this season, I think that one was worth it as I really like that Bible. (Do you have it for your kids?  It's so good.)  Every story points to Jesus and reading through it quickly like this is giving such a good overview to the kids and good reminders to me.

While you are feeling the holiday stress know that you're not alone.  Women everywhere are right there with you.  You may have to let go of some things this year.  You may have to compromise with your spouse or give up doing something you had really wanted to do.  That doesn't mean you can't still enjoy parts of this Christmas season.  Look for parts to enjoy.  Is there something from your childhood Christmas's that you loved or have happy memories of?  Try to fit that in somewhere.  Is there something you really just want to do this season?  Push through and do it - even if the kids fight through the whole thing.  Just keep your expectations low and know that you can't do everything.

Tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning.  (As a mom and wife yours should be too.)  God has a plan.  For you.  Even when life on earth is harried and hectic and stressful, God has a plan that is so much bigger than all of this and His ways are not our ways.  I think that's my biggest "take away" from the Christmas story.  God doesn't do things like we would do them.  When you're feeling stressed and mad, pray about it.  God answers prayers in ways you would never think of.

Please don't say that to me

I think one of the most frustrating things I hear is "Your kids grow so fast, enjoy every minute of it."  or "Enjoy your kids now because before you know it they'll be gone."  I do NOT need to enjoy every single second of this.  I love my kids and enjoy them very much most of the time but if I need a break or am tired of being around them, I'm not a bad mom.  I'm normal.

I can see my kids changing before my eyes.  Sometimes they look bigger in the morning than when they went to bed the night before.  I lift them to my lap, hold and hug them, and feel how they have grown.  I teach them daily and can see how fast the time is going.  I know that I have about three more Halloween's with my oldest, maybe one or two  more years of Santa Clause and the tooth fairy, and then these little kid years will be over.  I really don't need to be reminded by random people to pay attention or I might miss something.  Or told by people in passing that I need to enjoy all of it.  Not all of parenting is fun!

As moms we feel guilty and second guess ourselves about so many things.  Should we nurse exclusively or is formula ok?  Should our babies be allowed to sleep with us or not?  Is giving five shots and seven vaccines at once really ok??  What age should we start potty training?  How much tv is too much?  Will our kids have problems if they didn't crawl?  Are we reading to them enough?  And the list goes on.  And for some of us, it goes on, and on, and on!!

I know that most of the people who say those things mean well.  That doesn't mean it's not annoying though.  I hope that when I'm an older person I can say more helpful and encouraging things to the young moms I see.  Saying things like "you're doing a good job" or "how can I pray for you?" would be so much more helpful.  Encouraging them that this phase will end, they don't need to worry so much, or to just do the best they can would be more helpful.  Blessing them with dinner or offering to babysit would be more helpful.

God chose you to be the mom for your children and you can do this.  If you're struggling in an area with one of your kids - ask for help and don't feel guilty about it.  There is nothing new under the sun and I'm positive that someone else before you has also had that struggle.  Pray about it!  Ask God to bring someone into your life who can teach and encourage you.  And then be teachable.  If you're on the other end and are that older woman, pray about God sending a younger woman into your life.  Someone who might need some encouragement.  Then think twice before you give advice.  Do your words sound judgmental?  Does that person want your advice?

If you need a break from your kids don't feel guilty about it.  Everyone does.  If you don't love it that your child just spilled water, that's ok.  If you don't feel like reading twenty-seven bedtime stories, you're not a bad mom.  If your bathtub is dirty, you didn't sew the Halloween costumes yourself, or your kids watched four hours of TV today, it's not the end of the world.

Some of us are worriers by nature.  If you struggle with that, try praying that God would show you what you need to be concerned about and then let the rest go.

Find the funny

I just got back from grocery shopping with my two year old.  I could tell when I headed off from the parking lot that the cart I'd picked wasn't a good one.  It wasn't until half-way through that I really regretted it.  It kept veering to the right and the front wheel clunked.  And it was getting heavy.  That's also when the two year old decided she was done.  She started yelling about everything and throwing anything she could reach out of the cart.  I was just trying to get done as fast as possible.  The rest of the kids were home with a sitter.  The little one and I had just been at the doctor and I thought I could run in and get a few things while I was already out.  At $10 an hour though I could see the money floating out of my wallet the longer it took me.

I had noticed that the shopping cart strap was broken but I'm from Montana and we don't tend to worry about belts and buckles if we don't have to.  Plus I was just in a hurry and didn't want to go find another cart.  Around the mid point of the shopping trip when the full cart kept veering off and clunking, my little person figured out she wasn't buckled and kept trying to climb out.  So she's yelling about wanting brownies, throwing groceries out of the cart and climbing out, all while I'm trying to rescue light bulbs and  avoid knocking over the holiday end caps with my careening cart.  Finally the little monster got busy sticking the corner of the marshmallow bag up her nose.  Gross.  But it was keeping her busy and quiet.  For a REALLY long time.  Then someone walked past us in the aisle and she hauled off and hit them with her marshmallow bag.  She WOUND up for it and everything.  "I'm so sorry!" I said and then veered and clunked as quickly as possible to the next aisle.

Sometimes you just have to laugh.  That's what I did today.  And my two year old (still sticking that bag in her nose) looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

Another time,  I was walking past my kids room and peeked in at them.  They were being so sweet playing with their kitchen set and making playdough cookies.  I thought "Oh I should go get the camera". But then I thought  "Where did they get playdough??"  And I realized that one of the children had taken off their poopy diaper and they were playing with it.  And making POOP cookies!!!  It was the perfect consistency.

Another time, when my two oldest kids were two and one, I had just taken them out of the bath tub.  I dried them off, let the water out, got clothes on the oldest, turned around to hang up towels and the kids had disappeared.  I raced around looking for them and saw that they had opened the patio door and gotten out to the back yard.  I ran out just in time to catch the naked one year old as she fell off the ladder to their play structure.

I've got so many of these stories.  Sometimes you have to laugh!  It might take a little while for it to be funny but you can choose to be mad about things or let it make you laugh.  I'm guessing that the people around you would rather that you laugh.  Mine sure would!   I don't laugh enough.  I'm usually on a mission to get a million things done.  To find the funny you have to slow down and I'm not good at that.  I'm trying though because life is more fun when it's funny.  

Psalm 68:3
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.

Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Being a "Manager Mom"

I've heard that Judy Garland was a twit.  A talented and beautiful twit.  She had an anxious personality and the role of her manager was crucial to her success.  He said "you can do this",  fluffed her along and then gave her the extra push she needed to get out there and be wonderful.  (Yes I realize there is lots of back-story to Judy Garland and I'm oversimplifying here but just go with it...)

Isn't this like our role as moms?  Our kids need managers too.  They need that encouragement.  Constant, steady, encouragement that they can do this.  Whatever "this" is depends on the kid and the time, but they need to know that we believe in them and that even if they fail that's ok too because there are good lessons to be learned from failure.  And we will still be right there will them going through it.

As "manager moms" we also need to manage the situation.  The tone of the home is our responsibility and I hate it when the tone in my home is bickering and fighting.  You should know your kids well enough to be able to anticipate fights.  When I stopped to think about it, I realized immediately that ours happen when getting in the car and going somewhere.  Once I had that part figured out, I needed to think through what I could do as a mom to manage the situation and head off battles.  Then I needed to communicate to my kids.

I started with making it my son's job to open all doors (lucky for me I only have 1 son so this worked out).  This is good practice for him and we want our girls marrying boys that have the type of training to open the doors for them.  Now no one races for the door and practices kick boxing moves to secure their position hanging onto that doorknob, because it's his job.  The kids have a certain order they need to get into the car to make it easier for everyone and now they know that too.  I also took control of the "air space" in the car.  If I am busy asking them questions and talking to them as we drive someplace, they do not have the opportunity to fight with each other.  This is a sacrifice for me because I would much rather be up in my own head during that time.  I used to turn on music and that helped a little but just wasn't enough.

Meal times are another example of when we can enjoy our kids more if we "manage" the time.  I've mentioned before that sometimes I read to our kids at breakfast or lunch.  If I've got control of the "air space" because I'm reading to them, they aren't going to be fighting at the table.  I have trouble working reading to kids into the day.  During the day it's hard for me to just sit down and do it.  By bed time I am usually really really tired and completely "kidded out".  But I can work it in at meal times.

We usually eat dinner the second my husband gets home from work.  The older the kids get the less we need to eat early for little tummy's but for right now we are often we are eating dinner right when my husband gets home, so it's the first I've seen of him all day.  I want to talk to him and I want the kids to be quiet so I can.  There's nothing wrong at all with kids being quiet so the two of us can talk but it would work better if we had a little time alone in another room to do this before dinner, and then made dinner talk more for the family.   Something to work towards maybe...  I've started asking the kids questions at dinner and they love it.  Things like this: what is your favorite color, what's your favorite bean, what did you like most about Awana last night, what's been your favorite family trip -  and then everyone gets a turn to tell us.  I would really rather just eat my food.  Or just talk to my husband.  This is work for me, but it's a good thing for them to be learning how to have pleasant dinner conversation.

One thing that can cause fights is me asking the kids to do something that really is my responsibility.  It's fine for my kids to help but expecting them to do things that I really should be doing causes fights between my kids and isn't fair to them.  Another thing that causes fights is too much "screen time" - tv and video games, and not enough physical activity.  And another is not enough good food and too much junk food.  So much to think of as a mom.  So much responsibility and so much to worry about.  But you can do it.  God gave you these little people and He will help you.  Start by thinking about the times your kids most often fight with each other and pray about how you can deal with it.  What makes your kids anxious or causes stress with them?  Pray about that too.  I have one child who needs extra time getting ready to go and is stressed by having to hurry.  I'm always in a hurry so slowing down is hard for me.  Another child has a fear of being left out and gets really stressed by the fear of getting left behind.  God will help you to know how you can help your kids with their worries and fears.

Another thing to do is manage your own temperament.  Figure out what causes your own stress and anxiety and pray about that.  Going into a new situation makes me anxious.  I feel better if I know everything there is to know about it before I get there and if I feel better, everyone around me benefits.  As moms we have so much power.  We control the atmosphere for everyone in our charge.  We can head off all kinds of things if we think through it, plan ahead and pray.

You're not just talking to yourself

Does it ever feel overwhelming - the amount of things around you that need prayer?  I know I feel that way.  Between family, extended family, friends, church, finances, my kids, my husband, his work, and the list could go on - my head feels full.  I want to be a prayer warrior and pray for people when they ask for it but it's one more thing to remember!  My head is full.  Almost every time I start the water to wash dishes in the
kitchen sink I either forget to plug the bottom, walk off and a while later realize it's not full yet.  Or plug it, start the water and forget, and have it end up looking like this with a kid yelling "Mom the water's on!!"  I need help remembering things.

In the past I have split up things I pray for by the days of the week.  I try to pray for my husband and kids every day even if it's short but split up everything else so it's not overwhelming.  Like Monday my parents and siblings, Tuesday my in-laws and extended family, Wednesday church things, and so on.  It's important to write things down.  Do it however you want but write it down.  Get some kind of fun notebook and make lists (is that the old accountant in me?)  Use note cards, excel, or your ipad.  Whatever floats your boat!  If you write them down then you can go back later and see answers to prayer.  I have notebooks from years ago and it's been neat to look back at them.  To remember feeling frustrated or unsure at the time but see how God was working through everything.

I've heard it said that prayer should be like an open line of communication with God- picture an old school phone on your shoulder all day or your smart phone in your hand ready to text everything.  If you set aside times of day for praying for specific things that helps.  Morning or before bed quiet times are common for the general everything, but praying for specific things during your commute to work, your lunch hour or when you're making dinner might make it easier to get it done.  Any time that you've got a little free head space from other things.  You can also use seeing certain things as a reminder to pray.  Like, when you go out the front door you'll remember to pray for your husband's work day.  Or when you see the fridge pray you'll for your child's day at school.

I love Kay Arthur and this book was a good one.  I don't love the name of it but it was a quick read and did give some good information on prayer.

Stormie O'Martian has a series of books on prayer and I've liked the ones I've read.  What I most loved about them was the prayers at the end of each chapter.  She used Bible verses to make up prayers.  Years ago I went through her prayers in the book "The Power of a Praying Wife".  I typed them all out and changed them to apply to us and then had them in my Bible as I prayed for my husband.  Praying scripture adds some oomphf to our prayers.  God tells us that His Word is living and active and that it will not return void.  Praying scripture also ensures that we're aligning our prayers with God's will.  You won't get shallow prayers like "help me have a good day" when you're praying through scripture.  You'll get prayers like this:

Lord your word tells us that You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you.  Help me to trust in you (Is 26:3).

The Bible also tells us to pray without ceasing.  Making it not just a nice idea - it's a command.  And any command from God should be taking seriously.  He's got a reason for it!

1Thessalonians 5:16-18
 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus

Ephesian 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

We don't have a God that is off doing His thing while we're doing ours.  We have a God who hears us.  He wants us to pray (talk to Him) and it changes things.  There are lots of examples in the Bible of people who talked to God and it made a difference.  I'm reading in Exodus right now so one example that comes to mind is this:  Moses was nervous about speaking to Pharaoh and told God, who then let him bring along his brother Aaron.  There are so many verses that talk about how God hears us.  Here are just a few:

Hebrews 11:6
 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Psalm 34:15
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
    and his ears are attentive to their cry;

Hebrews 4:15-16
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

You know you're old when...

I just had a birthday and I am usually fine with this aging process.  Sometimes I feel old though.  In thinking through it I made a list that maybe you can relate to.  You know you're old when:

1.  You forget how old you are.  Who does that?  Old people!
2.  6:30am is really sleeping in and going to bed at 9pm is a treat.
3.  Your texts have to have proper punctuation.
4.  And because of that your texts are really long.  Like an email long.  They end up being 6 or 7 messages in someone's inbox.
5.  You have ever worried about smooshing the bread.  Why is it that the bread is the first thing you come to at the store?  So then you have to spend the entire shopping trip rearranging it in the cart and moving it to the top?
6.  You have ever had to increase the font size on your computer screen so you can stop squinting.
7.  P.J.'s and workout clothes are fairly interchangeable.  (Maybe that's a stay-at-home mom thing.)  I recently did this and ended up at Starbucks quite obviously in my jammies. Darn it.
8.  You are older than your dentist or doctor.  Don't they have to go to school for a really long time?  How is it possible that I am older than they are?
9.  You usually pull out the occasional gray hair but are starting to get too many for that to be wise.
10.  You vaguely remember things.  You have a vague memory of where you put something or some conversation and those "Aha!" moments of remembering are more subtle now.
11.  You retell stories.  Maybe over and over.  And forget who you told things to.
12.  Your bladder is an organ you are very much aware of.  Nuff said.
13.  You have strong opinions about the "paper or plastic" question.
14.  You have "next day" hurts after you do things like play soccer with your kids or teach them how to do cartwheels.
15.  You used to love blended margaritas but for the sake of time will now settle for one with sonic ice.  Or no ice at all.

Do you have older people in your life that are hard to be around?  I think everyone probably does and I have a fear of turning into one of those.  I don't want to be a bitter crabby old lady that people have to pray for wisdom and patience to be around.  Maybe you are lucky enough to have a wonderful elderly person in your life.  Those people are such a special treasure (the wonderful ones not the crabby ones).  Nothing can replace the wisdom they have from their years experience.  Did you know that the Bible doesn't ever talk about retiring?  Retiring from ministry I mean.  And did you know that you are not only created for a purpose, but you are the only one who has the ministry reach that you do?  Each one of us was created with special gifts and abilities and has a unique reach for being able to minister to certain people in our lives.  The people I am able to reach is different than the people you are able to reach.  We know different people for starters but God gave you and I different strengths for ministry and different interests.

Are you using your gifts and abilities for the Lord?  That's why He gave them to you, you know.  Sometimes God asks us to do things that we really don't want to do, but often He uses things that we're interested in.  He gives us a heart for the ministry He'd like to see us in.  Do you like kids?  There is always a need for help in children's ministry.  Do you like to bake, take pictures, or write letters?  There are ministry opportunities there too.  Are you good with computers, know how to cut hair, or love to read?  Do you have professional training of some sort - accounting, legal, teaching, music?  Are you crafty?  Like to write?  God wants to use it!

1 Peter 4:10
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

Crabby, hard to be around people are usually very self focused.  One way to combat that is to get involved in ministry.  Find a place to serve.  Pray about it!  God will lead you to where He wants you to be.  And if you are a parent don't forget that those little people in your charge are watching and learning from everything you do.  Involve your kids in what you're doing.  Take your kids along when your church has a work day, when you take dinner to someone, or when you're setting up for Cubbies.  My older girls especially have been watching as I prepare for Awana each week and it's a good thing!  They are joining us for prayer before club starts, helping me set out chairs, sweeping the room when it's done, and being a big help in their own Sparks groups.  My oldest is working hard at helping a little girl in her group that doesn't speak very much English and I'm so thankful for that!  God uses little people too and He gave your kids different gifts and abilities.

If you aren't sure where to get started, pray about it.  Ask at your church where you can help.  And pray about it!  Don't feel like you have the time?  Pray about that too.  It's amazing how God can give gifts of time.  Nervous about it?  That's ok too.  God will help you.

1 Thessalonian 5:24
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

I don't like meat (*gasp She said what?!?)

I am from Montana and in Montana, meat is a big deal.  I mean a really big deal.  The goal in life is to attain meat, buy, wrap and freeze  meat, learn to cook meat, and eat meat.  And I don't mean just any meat.  I mean red meat.  It is ingrained in your thinking and is a way of life that a person who is not from Montana just can't understand.  I just bought ground turkey for the first time last year.  I actually felt guilty about it and could picture my family cringing if they saw me and biting their tongues from all the smart remarks that came to mind.  (Or not biting their tongues and just saying them)  I said something to my husband about feeling weird and he said "It's just meat - What's the big deal?"  He is from California.  I wanted to shout "What do you mean what's the big deal?!?  It's turkey and it's not a bird at Thanksgiving?!"

The funny thing is, I have all these ingrained opinions about meat and I don't even like it.  I like chicken breasts, ham, jerky, and bacon, and that's about it.  I gag down other meats for the sake of the kids (I don't want them to be picky) but I really really dislike most meats.  And I've started to notice that I feel sick after I eat red meat.  Every single time.   It seriously took me until I was in my thirties to figure out that I didn't like it.  I was supposed to like meat!!!  It never really occurred me that I didn't have to like it or eat it - it was just a part of life.

The point of all of this:  the people you spend your time with, affect the way you think.  The people you surround yourself with influence your thinking.  So.  What do the people you spend time with think about?  What do they talk about?  What do they spend their time doing?  Because eventually it's gonna start to affect you.  It'll affect what you think about, talk about, and do.

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. 

Do the people you spend time with bring out the best in you?  We have the ability to bring out the best in those around us but we also have the ability to bring out the worst.  And that goes double for those we are closest to.  We tend to "let our hair down" with our close family and friends.  You have an influence on those around you.  Are you doing, saying, and thinking things that are pleasing to God?  

We especially influence our children.  They see everything.  EVERYTHING that you are doing.  They are quietly (or not so quietly) watching every single thing you do.  If you lie to the guy at the door selling something or talk sweetly to someone on the phone and then talk nasty about them after you hang up, your kids probably saw that.  Or realize that someone gave you too much change but keep it instead of give it back.  They saw that too.  Are you watching things that you would be embarrassed to tell anyone about?  Or reading things that would raise eyebrows?  Because your kids catch on to that too.

I think I posted about this before but I recently went outside and heard one of my kids shout "Shut the dang door!!"  behind me.  Oh really?  NOT how you talk to your mother but she sounded exactly like me.  Our kids talk like us.  They often have the same fears that we do too.  If you act like a twit every time a cat walks by your kids do too.  If you are terrified of thunder your kids pick up on that too.  If you treat waitresses badly or are a crummy tipper, your kids are watching.  If you are a chronic complainer chances are you're raising complainers.  If you think eating red meat is important, your kids will feel that way too.  

 Something to think on today - what are you passing on to your kids?  What things are you etching into their little brains without even realizing it?  Is it pleasing to God?

The waiting phase

Do you ever feel a longing in your heart that you were created for something - you just don't know what? Or maybe you even know what, it's just not working out the way you wanted.  I have felt that way.  I am onto the next phase though and am firmly planted in the season of motherhood.  I craved this season and even though it's hard it's also wonderful.  THIS is what I'm supposed to be doing.  Training up these little people for the kingdom of God.  It feels good to be confident that you are doing exactly what God would have for you.  The ministry and other things I'm involved in feel that way too.  That it's exactly what God wants me to be doing.  Such a sense of peace comes from being exactly where we're supposed to be.

It takes the other seasons to get here though.  The seasons of waiting and praying I mean.  Those are important for learning and growth and even though waiting is no fun we can rest knowing that God has a plan.  This is my fourth year with Cubbies and I think this year as director is going pretty well.  I'm enjoying it and have a peace that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  I couldn't have done this though without being a helper for those last three years.  And I didn't love those.  I did it because I felt like I was supposed to but it was not the highlight of my week.

I also did not love the "baby years".  Some things were fun but overall that was not my favorite.  I had to go through those years to get to the "little people years" though.  And I do love the "little people years".  As an aside - it's ok if you don't love every phase of your children's lives.  Moms feel guilty about so many things and one of them is not loving every single second of it.  It's ok if you don't!  God created you to click with the different parts better than others.  Just do your best and learn and grow from the ones that are hard for you.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Sometimes we know that we are currently in a phase of waiting.  Sometimes we don't.  If we are in constant contact with God and know that we're being obedient in whatever we're doing though, we will eventually get to that season where things feel like they fall into place.  Then it'll probably start all over again with another phase of waiting.  :)  Some of that learning from the waiting phase may not even be for us.  It might be for our spouse.  Your husband or wife may have something to learn from what you are going through.  Or maybe your kids.  Or your grandkids.  We might be learning something that is going to affect our entire family tree!

Isaiah 30:18  
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Maybe you are waiting out a pregnancy.  Or a rough patch with your spouse.  Or a school year with a crummy teacher.  Or a period of financial stress. Waiting is so hard.  Be encouraged though that it has a purpose.  God has a plan.  If you are in a season of waiting, He has something for you to learn from it and it won't last forever - "this too shall pass".  I was looking for a picture of a clock to add to this post and I loved this one.  What a good reminder.  


Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Let your kids amaze you

I have been crabby with my kids lately.  I hate that.  It has nothing to do with them - just busy "grown up" stuff - but they are the ones feeling it.  I was reminded from our Cubbies lesson last week how precious children are to God.  If you have kids they are a precious gift that we should be so thankful for.  This morning I walked through a big pee puddle barefoot because someone completely missed the potty.  It wasn't at the front of my mind then, what a gift that kid is to me.  We just had a battle to the death (or the nap) with our two year old, over eating her lunch and that didn't feel like a gift.  Two kids just got in a fight over having to share the "dancing space" in the living room and that didn't feel like a gift.  But those little people are.  And they need me.  They need me to love them unconditionally - through the pee puddles, and the lunch battles, and the dancing drama.

It seems like loving unconditionally should come easy to a mom but it doesn't always.  It's easier to give love when they are being good and obeying.  It's easier when I'm happy and getting my way and not walking through pee puddles.  But loving unconditionally means that no matter what is done you will love them through it.  That doesn't mean just the big stuff it means the little things too.  Putting down the phone, turning away from the computer and actually looking at them when they're trying to tell you something.  Remembering to hug and snuggle the seven year old and not just the baby.  Putting aside your own mental "stuff" when they climb in the car after school and want to tell you about their day.  These childhood years go by so quickly and before long they aren't going to want to tell you everything.  If you're not listening, eventually they'll quit trying to tell you things.

I recently realized that my five year old was reading "Charlotte's Web".  She loves piggies and found the book in our school cupboard.  I also found out that she can hula hoop for over two minutes while carrying on a conversation and walking around!  During my last exercise work out she did 109 step ups while holding five pounds.  She's also good at soccer, good at school, and can draw all sorts of animals.

I get so busy sometimes I forget to let my kids amaze me.  And when you have more than one kid it's hard to find one-on-one time where you would be paying attention to these sorts of things.  It was fun to find out all those things about my five year old.  I wish I'd been paying more attention though so I wasn't "finding out" anything.  There are so many blogs and reminders lately about this - spending more time with your kids, enjoying their little kid moments etc.  It's so hard to do though when you're just trying to survive your days.  When you're struggling, pray about it.  Pray that God would help you enjoy your kids.  He is so faithful to answer our prayers and can give us time and opportunities that we couldn't get by ourselves.

1 Thessalonians 5:24
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

The One who called you to motherhood is faithful.  He will help you - just ask!  Ask that He'll let you be amazed by your kids today and see if you learn anything new.

Through the bumpy

Have you noticed that when God asks you to do something, He doesn't do it like you would do it?  He doesn't make it easy and everything doesn't happen in a timely orderly fashion.  God doesn't ask us to do something when our calendar is completely blank.  He asks us when we're already busy and pressed for time.  He doesn't ask us to do things within our comfort zone.  He stretches us, asking us to go beyond that.  And He doesn't ask us to partner with our best friends for ministry.  He asks us to work with difficult people.

God does things like ask Noah to build an ark when it had never rained before.  He waited until Sarah is ninety years old to bless her with baby Isaac then  asked Abraham to offer Isaac as a sacrifice.  He allowed Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery.  And He asked a man with a fear of public speaking  (Moses) to lead the Israelites.  God's ways are not our ways.

Isaiah 55:9
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

God sees the big picture when we don't and He has a plan.  He wants us to trust Him and then obey Him.  Easier said than done!  Especially if you are a bit type A and like being in control.  The lesson on my mind most this last year is that God is sovereign.  He is in complete control and everything that happens to us was allowed by Him.  Every single difficult thing we go through has been allowed by God and He has a reason for it.  There's a sense of peace that comes when we remember this.  

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God created people to know, love, and glorify Him.  When He asks things of us, He wants the glory for it.  If we're involved in ministry and it's easy, God wouldn't get the credit, we would.  If we don't ever have to pray for wisdom or ask for His help, it would be all about us.  How limiting that would be!  We serve a big God and when it's about Him (not us) it's going to be soo much better.  That doesn't mean it'll go smoothly or be easy but it's going to be better.  I used to pray that things would go smoothly.  That our day would go smoothly or whatever I was working on would go smoothly, but when things are smooth we don't get to see God in action.  I want to see God in action!  We get to see how God provides when things are bumpy.  Not that we need to pray for bumpy because life will just be that way, but instead my prayers now ask for wisdom through the bumpy.  Or ask for help through the bumpy.  Or I pray that the things I do and say would be pleasing to Him (through the bumpy).

Ephesians 3:20-21
 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ok maybe it does...

I had a blog post yesterday about how difficult Sunday mornings can be when you've got young children.  The perfect Sunday of a peaceful and wonderful morning just doesn't usually happen.  Today was pretty great though.  Several children in our Sunday school department accepted Christ.  That alone would have made the morning pretty great.  I really love this verse:

Luke 15:10
In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

Can you picture that?  What it must look like when the angels rejoice?  They are rejoicing today!!!  Praise the Lord!  My husband recently started helping with the third and fourth grade Sunday school class.  It wasn't easy to have my husband leave early to go help with Sunday school but I'm so very thankful that he did.  He got to be witness to something really amazing this morning.

He also gave blood for the first time today.  It's like he's changing before my very eyes because giving blood is not something that would have ever been on his radar before.  But he did it!  We were told that this was a huge day for the blood bank.  On a normal day they might get fifteen donations and today they got forty-two.  That's huge!  And they got one more than last year.  :)  When I had our last baby the surgery was very high risk and I lost a LOT of blood.  I needed a blood transfusion and  I'm grateful for blood donors!


At our church, Sunday school is during the first service and in the second service the younger kids can go to children's church.  We used to go to church while our kids were in Sunday school but now stay through both services.  Our oldest has never had communion before - not because we didn't feel she was old enough.  She is plenty mature enough to have the understanding of it all and she is a follower of Christ, but she just hasn't ever been in church when we were doing it. Today she was though.  And if there was any doubt in my mind that she had the understanding, today's sermon was about communion and she heard every bit of it.  What a precious thing for this mama to get to be with her when she had communion for the first time.  In my mind this is bigger than the first day of school or losing a tooth, this felt like a biggie.

As if all that wasn't enough, I got to go to my own Sunday school class starting today.  A class going through the Bible from cover to cover.  An entire hour of adult conversation WITH donuts!  My toddler was well cared for, my four year old had a ton of fun, and we came home to lunch in the oven.

Have you ever noticed how if you say "I will never..." then God has you do it?  I once said I would never marry someone from California.  I don't know why, but see how that worked out.  I'm glad that I said the perfect Sunday doesn't exist because I was blessed with a pretty good one today.

1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

The Perfect Sunday (doesn't exist)

Picture this: You get up to a quiet house on Sunday morning, have your cup of coffee, get ready for church, and make a big breakfast for your family.  Your happy children enjoy their food and then clear the table and help clean up the kitchen.  Everyone gets dressed in the clothes that were ironed and laid out the night before.  The kids are squeaky clean from their evening baths so you just have to do their hair, zip zippers and help with shoes and then everyone's ready to go.  On the way to church your kids sing praise songs while you and your husband visit about your plans for the day.  You get to church to deposit everyone in their Sunday School classes and then head into church with your husband.  The music is wonderful, the sermon is wonderful, and after church you enjoy time of fellowship with friends.  You head home with the family to a clean house and yummy lunch in the oven.  Wouldn't that be a perfect Sunday?

That doesn't really happen does it?  This is more like it:  You get up early so you can take your shower before the kids wake up and are halfway through when you hear the baby crying.  You finish as fast as possible to go get her before she wakes up anyone else.  Didn't work, and now half the kids are up.  You forget your "no TV before church rule" because you have to finish getting ready.  You can't find  your eyeliner and the shirt you had planned to wear is dirty.  By now everyone is awake and hungry so you rush them through cereal and into baths.  You really wish you would've gotten baths done on Saturday night but it just didn't happen.  After rushing them through baths the oldest goes to get dressed and comes back in purple striped leggings and an orange tank top.  Um, I don't think so.  Find a DRESS to wear!  She can't, so you stuff her into the first one you grab.  Meanwhile kid number four is on the table again and drinking out of the cereal bowls you hadn't gotten cleaned up yet.  Now she needs new clothes so you change her.  Kid number three goes potty and can't get his pants back up while kid number two battles to the death to wear sneakers with her sundress.  Your husband is grumpy and you are hungry.  You grab a Luna bar, slurp down some cold coffee and finish everyone's hair.  You finally get everyone out to the car and realize the baby has pooped.  Race back inside to change her, go back to the car to find kid numbers one and three fighting over the middle seat belt.  Neither uses it so that doesn't make sense.  Turn on the music and everyone complains wanting something else.  Say something to husband and a misunderstanding causes a fight that you haven't finished with by the time you get to church.  You drop kids off in Sunday school and realize the nursery worker didn't show, so you stay to help.  Your really fun group of two year olds' take turns crying and pooping and the pastor's sermon goes fifteen minutes long Again.  Parents finally meander in to pick up kids and you dash off to get your own.  You get everyone into church and your kids all need drinks and the potty.  After a sermon that you didn't hear because you are stilling thinking about that fight from earlier, you get everyone home and then wonder what quick thing you could make for lunch.  Macaroni and cheese?  Quesadillas?  Fast food would have been handy but just isn't in the budget and you forgot to get the crockpot idea from pinterest started last night.

So.  That's more like it isn't it?  Not every Sunday is that bad but NO Sunday is EVER like the first one.  And even though I know that I'm always expecting a little bit of The Perfect Sunday.  Instead, Sundays are really about survival when you have young kids.  With babies and toddlers who usually nap you have to deal with a fussy kid.  You have to figure out how to get yourself and all your kids ready, how to make lunch when you're not home, and how to focus on the sermon and what you're supposed to be learning today.

Adjust your expectations.  If you set your expectations lower you won't be as stressed.  I think it's stressful to come home to a messy house.  I need to adjust to that though because that's usually how it's gonna be.  Big fancy Sunday lunches are another thing I need to let go of.  It would be nice, but I just don't have the time for that.  Also, I need to not squeeze in extra things while trying to get to church.- either housework and laundry or errands.

Plan ahead.  If you take the time to plan ahead on Saturday evening, it can make Sundays less stressful.  Sometimes Saturdays are too busy for Sunday prep work but when it can be done,  it helps so much.  Start by thinking through your Sunday meals.  Plan something easy for breakfast like muffins or bagels.  Having the kids use napkins or paper plates makes clean up faster, as well as having the dishwasher unloaded the night before.  Sunday lunch is often a struggle for young families.  Eating out would be fun and so much easier but most just can't afford to eat out every Sunday.  (If you can, woohoo for you!).  Our oven has a delay start function so using that or the crockpot makes it possible to have food cooking and ready by the time we get home.  Things like frozen lasagna or chicken dump recipes are nice (several ingredients plus chicken dumped into the crock pot).  Or even easier - macaroni and cheese or quesadillas.

Get everyone's clothes ready the night before.  It never fails that when I don't do this someone can't find what they had wanted to wear.  I have kids who are "on and off" stinkers about their clothes.  Having them pick out things the night before eliminates some of the morning battles.  Clothes for six people is a lot of clothes, so it really helps my morning if everyone already knows what they are wearing.

Pray.  Even if you have a regular routine for your quiet times, it's easy to skip it on Sundays.  Don't do it though!  The enemy would LOVE for you to not make it to church.  He'd love for you end up there fighting with your spouse or frazzled from your morning.  Spending time with God to prepare yourself for church will help keep the enemy at bay.  One Sunday at church we were in the middle of singing and a lady came in a little late.  After she put her things down in her seat, I saw her bow and pray.  That was such a good reminder to me.  We need to prepare ourselves for worship.  Spend the time to get your head in the right place.  That might mean making peace with someone you've had a problem with.  It's hard to sit in front of the person you're angry with and have it not affect your ability to worship.  Or it might mean having a quick sidebar with your husband outside in order to get that disagreement ironed out.

Whatever you can do to make it easier for you, do it.  Maybe that means taking a shower the night before.  Or saving a little of your grocery money for a fast food lunch.  Or maybe that means saying "no" to some things on Saturdays because you need that extra time to get meals and clothes ready for Sunday.  It might mean waking up earlier to have more time on Sunday mornings.  Whatever you can think of that would make life easier, do it!  And give yourself emotional permission to do it.  Relax your expectations.  As moms, we set the tone and everyone else feels our stress.  I don't want my kids to feel inner stress because of lack of planning on my part.  I want Sundays to be a good experience for them.  If you have ideas on how you survive Sundays I would love to hear them!

Give them grace

Give grace.  I've heard this saying a whole lot in the last year.  It's like a fad saying and those are always annoying.  But there is truth in it so I shouldn't throw it out altogether.  To give grace means to forgive someone when they don't deserve it.  It means to love someone who doesn't deserve it.  And to not let the ungrateful people in our lives turn us into cynics, ruining who God created us to be.

This picture made me laugh so hard when I saw it.  We all have these kind of people in our lives though.  It would be so much easier to just cut these people out but that's just not always possible.  That annoying, stubborn, or just plain unlovable person in your life might be a relative.  They might be a coworker, or someone else you just can't get away from.  When this is the case it's nice to remember that God is sovereign and nothing happens without Him allowing it.  He may have put this person into your life because you need to learn something from it.  You need to practice loving someone who isn't easy to love.

Matthew 5:46-48
46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Luke 6:32-36

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

It's good for us when God asks us to do things that are not easy.  It's an opportunity for growth and if it were easy God wouldn't get the credit.  That frustrating person in your life may be hard to love but you don't have to do it alone.  Ask Him for help.  It's good to remember too that we don't deserve the grace that God gives us, but He does it anyways.

Ephesians 2:8-9

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. 

On the flip side of all that - how easy is it for people to love you?  Is there any way possible that you are that difficult person in someone's life?  That they have to pray for help giving grace to you on a regular basis?  Oh I hope not!  If someone does something for you, do you say thank you?  Do you appreciate it when others offer to help you or do you take it for granted?  Do you respond if they call you or message you?  Nonresponse is like ignoring them you know, and how does that feel?  Do you reciprocate or just  do the asking?  I sure hope I'm not the difficult person in someones life.  If I am then I would feel like I'm failing miserably at the mission God has given me here.  

I once saw someone post that she had gotten sick and she wondered who she needed to forgive for that.  I liked that and it stuck with me.  Now when that person is frustrating me I think "here's another chance to practice giving grace Lord" and I can approach it differently.  I hope that as you go through your day today you are able to think of that frustrating person in a new way.  That you can remember that God loves them too.  That God put them in your life, and that there is a reason for whatever you are dealing with today.