Miriam

Any time I see stories about sisters or siblings in the Bible all my mom-senses go off. I have 1 brother and he is 7 years older than I am. We always got along fine but he left home when I was a 5th grader and because of our age difference I didn't grow up having siblings for playmates. I never had to share a bedroom, babysit for my parents - in a lot of ways I was an only child. Now, I have 4 children of my own and sometimes it's hard for me that I don't have anything from my own childhood to draw from in how I raise them. I grew up going to public school in Montana. Now I'm homeschooling 4 kids, close together in age in California. Very different. But, God is so faithful. He did not give me 4 kids and leave me totally on my own. He has given me Godly people I can emulate, He's surrounded me by large families, homeschooling families and most importantly, He's given me His word. I love that the Bible that was written thousands of years ago and was applicable for them is also applicable for us today. There are things I can learn about being a mom from these stories.

Miriam is one of those Bible sisters that I've loved to study and the first time we see her is in Exodus 2. The Israelites were slaves in Egypt and their population had grown so much that pharoah was starting to get worried. He ordered the midwives to kill all the baby boys as they were born. That didn't work, the Israelites continued to multiply and so he ordered that ll the baby boys be thrown into the Nile. Then is says:

"2 The woman conceived and bore a son, and when she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him three months. 3 When she could hide him no longer, she took for him a basket made of bulrushes and daubed it with bitumen and pitch. She put the child in it and placed it among the reeds by the river bank. 4 And his sister stood at a distance to know what would be done to him. 5 Now the daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe at the river, while her young women walked beside the river. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her servant woman, and she took it. 6 When she opened it, she saw the child, and behold the baby was crying. She took pity on him and said, "This is one of the Hebrews' children." 7 Then his sister said to Pharaoh's daughter, "Shall I go and call you a nurse from the Hebrew women to nurse the child for you?" 8 And Pharaoh's daughter said to her "Go." So the girl went and called for child's mother. 9 And Pharaoh's daughter said to her, "Take this child away and nurse him for me, and I will give you your wages." So the woman took the child and nursed him. 10 When the child few older she brought him to Pharaoh's daughter, and he because her son. She named him Moses, "Because," she said, "I drew him out of the water."

This the first glimpse we get of Miriam. She isn't named Miriam here, but in Number 26:59 it lists her as Miriam. 59 The name of Amram's wife was Jochebed the daughter of Levi, who was born to Levi in Egypt. And she bore to Amram Aaron and Moses and Miriam their sister.

We see here that she is a big sister.  She was the oldest in the family and was probably between 7 and 12.  She would’ve been trained in how to take care of a home and would’ve been a helper to her mother.  She probably took care of her brother Aaron and then also Moses when he was born. And in this little story we see a few things about her personality.  She was brave. For a Hebrew slave girl to approach an Egyptian princess took bravery - she could’ve gotten in trouble for this. Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared.  It means you might be scared but you do it anyways. We don’t know if her mother told her to stay and watch out for the baby but she did, so she cared what happened to him. She was big sistery.  She was a quick thinker in suggesting that her mother could help nurse him, and because of this her family was blessed. They were able to keep him for longer and her mother was paid to take care of him.  God could have chosen any way He wanted to save Moses life, but He chose to use his sister to do it.

The next time we see Miriam is in Exodus chapter 15.  About 80 years have passed. The Israelites had just escaped from Egypt.  They crossed the red sea, the Egyptian soldiers tried to follow behind them and were killed in the sea and then Moses sings a song of praise.  After Moses leads the people in singing it says  “Then Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women went out after her with tambourines and dancing. 21 And Miriam sang to them:“Sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously;the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea.”

This verse tells us that Miriam was a prophetess and that was a big deal.  She’s the first one mentioned in the Bible and there are only a few prophetesses mentioned at all.  “A prophetess is a woman who acts as a mouthpiece for God receiving a message from Him and proclaiming it in accordance with His commands.”  So, Miriam was a leader among women and I love that we see here, that Moses, Miriam, and Aaron worked in ministry together. The 3 of them worked together to lead the Israelites.  In Micah 6:4 God says “I brought you up out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery.  I sent Moses to lead you, also Aaron and Miriam.”

The third time Miriam is mentioned is in Numbers 12 and lists a regrettable incident that happened.  Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman.2 And they said, “Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?” And the Lord heard it. 3 Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth. 4 And suddenly the Lord said to Moses and to Aaron and Miriam, “Come out, you three, to the tent of meeting.” And the three of them came out. 5 And the Lord came down in a pillar of cloud and stood at the entrance of the tent and called Aaron and Miriam, and they both came forward. 6 And he said, “Hear my words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord make myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream. 7 Not so with my servant Moses. He is faithful in all my house. 8 With him I speak mouth to mouth, clearly, and not in riddles, and he beholds the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” 9 And the anger of the Lord was kindled against them, and he departed. 10 When the cloud removed from over the tent, behold, Miriam was leprous,[a] like snow. And Aaron turned toward Miriam, and behold, she was leprous. 11 And Aaron said to Moses, “Oh, my lord, do not punish us[b] because we have done foolishly and have sinned. 12 Let her not be as one dead, whose flesh is half eaten away when he comes out of his mother's womb.” 13 And Moses cried to the Lord, “O God, please heal her—please.” 14 But the Lord said to Moses, “If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be shamed seven days? Let her be shut outside the camp seven days, and after that she may be brought in again.” 15 So Miriam was shut outside the camp seven days, and the people did not set out on the march till Miriam was brought in again. 16 After that the people set out from Hazeroth, and camped in the wilderness of Paran.

Miriam makes the mistake of criticizing her brother Moses to Aaron.  We don’t know exactly why. She lands on the issue of his wife but more of the things I read and listened to said that wasn’t the full reason she was upset.  She could have been displaying some jealousy or pride. She was definitely challenging his authority. In Matthew it says that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of and we can see her heart here.   God tells us in His word that the tongue has incredible power.  So the words we say are important. To back up from that, the things we think also hold incredible power.  Miriam did not just sin against Moses with her words out of the blue. She had sinful thoughts against him first

A godly woman in my church spoke at our women's study this year and gave us these words of encouragement.  She said “Mamas believe what the Bible says about your children.” Psalm 127:3 says children are a blessing from the Lord.  They are a gift from God and we need to believe that and treat them this way. Girls need to believe this about their siblings too.  Each one is precious to God. Our daughters may need reminded that they need to believe that and treat them this way. Another thing she said is that as moms, we need to take every thought captive regarding our children.  You do not get to entertain negative thoughts and not pay consequences for that. This applies to your girls too. Each of us are responsible for the things we think and we have control over our thoughts.  Every sin starts as a thought and, if you’re thinking sinful thoughts towards your kids or your siblings, it’s going to affect how you treat them and the tone of your home. Even young people have a big responsibility for the influence they have in the home.  Philippians 4:8 says:  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Every thought that you have should be measured by this standard because as believers our thought life is so important.  In an article I read by John Piper recently he said that we have 5 seconds to respond a sinful thought before it starts to take hold.  I love how specific that is. We have 5 seconds. Miriam sinned against Moses in her speech but that did not just happen. She had thoughts about it first.  Every sin starts as a thought, so learn to take every thought captive and measure it against the Bible. Is what you’re thinking true? Is it honorable?  Is it just or pure? Is it lovely or commendable? Is it worthy of praise? How do you change negative thoughts about your siblings? You can start by praying for them.  Thank God for them. And think about what you’re thinking about.

You have no idea what God has planned for each of the siblings in your home but each one was created by Him and you can influence each of their lives toward Him. Hudson Taylor was a missionary to China in the 1800s and he had a sister named Amelia that he was very close to. Before he became a missionary, there was a point that Amelia could see Hudson was struggling in his spiritual life and she committed to pray for him 3 times a day.  She didn’t tell him this, and was 13 years old when she did this. He found out about it later and between Amelia’s prayers and his mothers’ prayers, Hudson strongly felt that it changed the course of his life. Your girls are not too young to be praying for their siblings and those prayers could change their life.  I’ve heard the quote, “If mother doesn’t drop to her knees to pray for her kids, who will do it?” That was so convicting to me as a mom but I think it can be applied to sisters as well. Girls, there are few people who know your siblings as well as you do. You know what things they’re good at or what they love. You know what they struggle with.  Pray for them. Pray that they would have wisdom. Pray that they would love God’s word. Pray for their future spouse. Pray that they would be teachable.

Moving on from that, I think we can be reminded from Miriam’s mistake that there are consequences to sin.  Sin affected her relationship with her brothers and her relationship with God. We know sins have consequences but I think when we read the Old Testament we are reminded of that when we see how swiftly and severely God disciplines for it.  As we’re busy going about living our day to day lives with our family it’s easy to forget that some things are even sins. If we mistreat someone at school, or gossip about a neighbor I think sometimes our conscience twinges a bit more than if we do these things against one of our own family members.  

When my kids were little, they went to a birthday party and the princess Snow White was there.  She was talking to my girls and said “And who is this little prince?” about my son and one of his sisters said “He’s not a prince, he’s just a brother.”  That gave us a laugh at the time but also is so telling of how we feel sometimes. That’s just my brother or she’s just my sister. We spend so much time with these people we can forget how we’re supposed to treat them.  Sometimes it’s good to be reminded that each one is precious to Him, and that we need to treat them that way. God is sovereign and the one who placed you in your family - either as the oldest, the youngest, the middle child.  It does not matter how old you are, your role in your family is important. God not only gave you to your parents, He planned the siblings that you would have so the way that you treat them matters.

That leads us to another takeaway from Miriam’s life, and that is that we can learn from our siblings.  Aaron did not get the same punishment that Miriam did but I bet he learned from it. If you see one of your siblings get in trouble for something you can learn from it so you don’t have to make those same mistakes.  Mamas, pray for your kids to have teachable hearts. It would be really wonderful if the kids in our home did not all have to make the same mistakes but could learn from others. Also pray that they get caught when they sin.  Miriam was reprimanded by God immediately. Pray that you catch your children when they sin so you can discipline for it right away. This is a scary thing to pray, it’s like praying for patience. Not fun. But the more your children can learn when they’re young the better.  The older we are, the harder the consequences of sin get, so pray that your children learn these lessons while they’re young.

So, God is probably not going to ask you to approach an Egyptian princess or help lead a nation of people, like Miriam did.  He does have a plan for you though and He is going to ask you to do things that feel scary. Be brave. If God asks you to do something, He will help you to do it and you’re not alone. Miriam was important in her own family unit and God used her to save her brothers life. God could have chosen any number of ways to do this but He used Moses sister.  Sisters are important and each one of you is so important to your family unit as well. Just like Miriam, and like the verse in Esther says, you were created for such a time as this. Each one of you was created for exactly where God has you right now.  How can you use this for Him?

Intentional Parenting

A couple years ago I attended a parenting conference at our church and it was really wonderful.  I started this blog post way back then but hadn't finished it till now.  It was so good to go back and reread what I'd gleaned from that conference.  The reminders and things I learned were so well timed and perfectly perfect for what I needed to hear - back then and now.   Here are a few of the things that stood out to me the most:

It was called the Intentional Parenting Conference and right there was a good nugget.  My parenting needs to  be intentional.  The number of years I have to teach and train is very short and I need to make the most of every second I have with these kids.  The pastor leading this conference showed a pie graph with the number of hours in a year our children spend at home, church, school etc.  The number of hours they spend with me FAR outweighs the time they spend any place else.  And since we homeschool I have even more hours to work with.  I need to use this time wisely.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

This verse is a proverb not a promise.  God does not promise us that our children will turn out.  They are created with their own will and will make their own choices in life, but it is my responsibility as a parent to train and teach.  Much of the training of my kids will involve modeling.  They will model my behavior and the things that they see me doing need to correspond with what I'm saying.

I cannot pour from an empty cup.  My personal spiritual growth needs to be a priority.  That means I need to be reading my Bible daily.  I need to have a prayer life and be an active part of my church family.

My relationship with God should not be private.  My kids need to see it and I need to be a living example to them.

Teaching my kids about their identity needs to be a bigger focus in my parenting.  If I don't teach my children about their identity the world will, and that's a scary thought.  Teach your kids about their identity in Christ, their identity in family and their identity in church.  The ideas the speaker gave on this were so wonderful and I plan to do ALL of them!

To help her sons know their identity in Christ, the speaker framed a prayer of blessing in their room that she prays for them every night.  It was from the book God's Wisdom for Little Boys by Elizabeth George and goes like this:  Dear God above for this child I pray, that (their name) would be a godly man someday, make him a man who loves you true, a man of wisdom who pleases you.  I think having that daily reminder that they were created by God and are children of God is a good thing.

Knowing their identity in our family is also a good thing.  I did not grow up feeling like I was a contributing member to the family.  My parents were busy and I always felt like it was my job to just stay out of the way.  I did my own thing.  I want my kids to know that the part they play is important to our household running smoothly, even if this means the job isn't done perfectly.  By having chores they learn skills, responsibility, and gain self confidence.

Their identity in our family should also come from knowing that they are third in importance.  My husband and I should love God first, each other next, and the kids third.  It is a secure feeling for our kids to know that their parents are happily married so we need to work at being happily married.  For us this means that we are affectionate in front of the kids, we date as often as we possible can, and we treat each other well.  The kids help tidy the house at the end of the day so it looks nice when my husband gets home from work.  They see me making things he likes for dinner and buying him little treats. We don't hide every conflict from the kids.  They see us argue sometimes and work things out and hopefully are learning good things about how to handle conflict.  One idea the speaker did in her house was to have pictures of herself and her husband (without kids!) that she put up and changed often.  I love that.  It's good for kids to not think they're the center of the universe.  Families who revolve around kids, create self-centered kids.  Not what I want.

At this conference I learned what a catechism is.  You may already know but here's the definition:  a summary of the principles of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers, used for the instruction of Christians.  One of the speakers used this book - The Truth and Grace Memory Book - with her kids and I really liked the idea of it.  I started using it with my kids and love the truths they are committing to memory.  We do it at breakfast, which works for us since we homeschool.  We're all here and have time then.  I have no idea what God has planned for my kids but Isaiah 55:11 is a good reminder for me.  so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  His Word will not return void.  If I'm faithful to be teaching my kids His Word, He will use it.  Somehow, sometime in their lives.  

If you think about what your goals for your children are, that also helps to guide your intentional parenting.  I want my kids to have their own personal relationship with Him and to love God's word.  Psalm 86:11 is the verse I pray the most often for my kids.  Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth.  Unite my heart to fear your name.  What do you do to be an intentional parent with your kids?  I would love to hear more ideas!

Empathy Schempathy

Do you remember how exhausting your first baby was?  It was such a huge adjustment!  I wish I could go back and have a chat with myself and and say "Oh Mama, you think it's hard now?  You have no idea..."  Not really a pep talk but if I could've had a peak at what was ahead maybe my little situation wouldn't have seemed so hard.

Isn't that the way of life?  If you have personal experience with something you're more likely to be empathetic to the people around you.  Some people are born with an empathetic bent.  I was not.  Unless I have done it myself, I usually just don't get it.  Since that is the case, it's really good for me to try new things.

This was our third year doing swim team and this year all four of our kids are doing it.  (I thought I was busy before.  Ha!!  Our summer was SO crazy!)  I've had friends who did swim team but until our first year doing it, I had never been to swim meet before.  Before we started, I knew that those swim friends were busier but truly had no idea what being a swim mom was like.  Now I understand why those people didn't return messages right away or why they couldn't get together.  Looking back, I'm so thankful for the times that they squeezed me into their schedule.

At the start of our first swim season I was a little disappointed.  I have an older blog post about this swim season so I'm repeating myself here, but for the amount of money it cost, I had hoped for more.  Our first season the coaches were so short handed.  There were more girls on the team, plus one with special needs.  The moms I sat near at practice also had some frustrations and before long it seemed every practice was a complaining session.  At first I was an active participant and would come home all worked up and upset.  I began to pray about it and then at one meet I got to see how much that coach was juggling.  A high school student, with 25 girls on her team, had to plan out what events they would swim, keep track of kids and get them to events, plus swim in her own events.  All in the midst of hundreds of other people.  Seeing what all she was doing made me feel bad that I'd been crabby and thankful that she was giving her time to do this.  I approached her mom and told her how impressed I was with how much her daughter had to juggle, and at the next practice her mom was there to help!

Empathy is such an important characteristic in the body of Christ.  Being aware of others means you take some of the focus off yourself.  People who only think of themselves aren't as useful and I want to be a useful member of the body of Christ.  I also want my kids to be useful!  I have one child that can always see what needs to be done.  She has such a servants heart and just jumps in and helps where she can.  She is also good at seeing peoples' emotional state before she does anything.  She can sense moods, has good timing about when to approach people and is pragmatic enough to not take things personal.  I don't know if this is empathy but it certainly lends itself to it.  If this is an area you struggle with pray about it.  Here are some verses to pray through that might help.

Philippians 2:4
Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.

1 Corinthians 10:24
Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.

August gives me anxiety

August gives me anxiety.  Every year.  When we were kids, summer was a time of long empty days to do whatever, but life is just different now.  For one thing it's shorter than when we were kids by about three weeks.  That's a lot!  And now summer is jam packed from beginning to end.  By the time we get to August we're all tired.  Most parents are looking forward to the kids going back to school because they can rest up a little bit, and recover from their summer.  When you're a homeschool parent though, you don't get that.  August is a time to start the regular routine all over again.

August at our house has three kids with birthdays.  Some people pop out babies on Friday and are at church on Sunday but I was not one of those people.  I had to have c-sections and the surgery, combined with adding a new person to our family was a huge stressful adjustment for me each time.  While our kids birthdays are special events, they also bring back stressful memories.  Worries about my littles at home while I was gone having the baby, lots of needle pokes, complications after the delivery, no sleep...I feel like I relive it all in August.

When you add that stress to the end of a jam packed summer, planning meetings for fall commitments, the pressure of making three kids birthdays special, and the crazy schedule ahead - boom, ANXIETY!  I was beginning to wonder what on earth was wrong with me and then wrote out all that we have going on this fall.  It was good reminder that my plate is full.  It also helped me to give myself emotional permission to say "no" to some things.

I try to always pray about things before we add them to our calendar, and since we've felt the go ahead for all the things we're currently committed to, remembering that has given me peace.  He wouldn't ask me to do something and then not help me do it.  While it's a great thing to trim the calendar and not take on anything else, I was also reminded that this is the season I'm in.  My kids are involved in sports and activities and I want that.  I want them learning new skills, making friends at practices, and being a light for Him in our community. All that adds to my load but it's not forever.  It's just a season. Just because I feel busy or stretched thin does not mean I'm not supposed to do it.  God is in the business of stretching us.  It's how we learn and grow.  And if He asks me to do it - teach Sunday School, sign my kids up for swim team, or help with Awana - He will help me manage it all.

The first step to overcoming my August anxiety was to recognize I had it.  And it was ok that I felt this way.  Next was to quit being overwhelmed by the entire fall season and take things one day at a time.  Not everything needs done today or figured out right this second.  What do I need to do today?  As I began to break down what needed done, God gave me a renewed sense of purpose for our year.  During our first week of school, I was concerned about what we weren't doing well, but God let me see how well my kids know their Bible.  If I'm faithful to be teaching them about Him, He'll be faithful to fill in the gaps in the other areas.

This weekend we had a long day of birthday parties for our three kids with August birthdays.  It was a nice day for me because I thoroughly enjoyed each one of the little people there.  I'm thankful for these friends and that I get to be one of the praying adults in their lives.  This was also the mental encouragement I needed to look forward to the ministries we're involved in this year.  All involve children and God has put me in these kids lives.  What a blessing to be used by Him in that way.

Finding and writing out verses were also helpful.  Here are a few of the ones I've used the most.

Psalm 94:19
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 3:3
But you, oh Lord, are a shield about me, my glory and the one who lifts my head.

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he with make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.  This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.

Psalm 119:165
Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.

Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

The Season You Are In

A while back I heard a sweet mom friend give a talk on the "seasons of our lives".  I don't remember what her title was, but it was such a good reminder.  Things are always changing and there are different seasons to life.  What season are you in?  If you think about it and identify your season it may give you some peace.  Maybe because you can be thankful for your season.  Maybe because it reminds you that it WILL come to an end, or maybe because you can see that God is going to be doing something soon.

If you're a mom with a new baby you're probably in a season of just surviving.  You're not going to be doing the same things as a mom in the season with high school kids.  If you've had a death in the family, experienced a trauma or loss, life is going to be different for a little while.  You can't just go on as normal as you have a season of recovery to go through.  If you're in a season with older kids you probably have more personal time than you used to have.  That can be an adjustment too!

We just finished our school year and I love looking back on the year and seeing all the different people God has brought into our lives.  I think it's fun to reflect on how much things have changed since the school year started.  I'm a creature of habit and don't usually like change.  I've started looking at each year as it's own season though and that helps me to have peace as we enter a year.  This year is a season.  We changed home school groups this year and life was very different because of it.  My husbands job changed this year.  His hours, responsibilities, work load, and even the town he's is are different.  It's helping us to remember that this year is adjustment year.  

I'm also in a season of life with older elementary school aged children.  I'm past the physically exhausting baby and toddler years.  It's easier to move around and do things and now we're busy with kid activities and sports.  My neighbor who's an empty nester said "You make me miss having kids around! Always something fun to look forward to!"  I hadn't thought of it that way, I was just tired from the calendar being so full.  It's just a season though.  There are things to enjoy about it, so it was good to be reminded of that.  

The first part of Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God."  Another version of it says "Cease striving and know that I am God."  I like that version the best.  It's such a good reminder to me that I need to relax (cease striving) and look at where God has me right now.  It's exhausting to be working at or working for things that aren't in God's plan for me.  

I think most moms struggle with loneliness sometimes and being a home school or stay-at-home mom can be even more isolating.  If I'm focusing on the people I wish I was able to spend time with or things I wish I could be doing instead, God isn't going to use me to my fullest.  It's not all about me after all, it's about Him.  Instead, I'm trying to look at the people God has in my path right now.  For me, that is through my kids activities because that's the season of life I'm in.  The busy one with lots of kids activities.  As I'm sitting at swim practice or taking my kids to classes, who is God bringing across my path?  I try to spend a lot of time praying about the activities we're in, so if I'm sure we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, then the people we see are there because God had worked that all out.  

I recently read "Fervant: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer" by Pricilla Shirer.  Have you read it?  It's so good!  Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book.  "Even activities He gives you to steward are not given to see how many balls you can juggle, but instead so you can participate with Him in staking Kingdom claim on patches of ground where you live."  I love this.   Here are some synonyms for the word steward: administer, guide, govern, manage, preside over.  Time is a limited resource given to me by God and it's up to me to use it well.  Not so that I can get lots done but so that I can be used by God in the lives of the people He puts in my path.  What season of life are you in?  Who is God putting you next to this season?  Are you using this time for Him?   

Watch out for poop!

We have a dog and that means there's poop in the yard.  When other people come over I can always tell the kids who have a dog in the family because they're used to watching out for poop.  The kids who don't have a dog are the ones who always walk right into it.  Isn't that kindof like life?  Each family has their stuff (poop).  You get used to the poop at your house but might walk right into at someone else's house because it looks different.  Being a mom is such a big job - I hope I'm remembering to teach my kids all they need to know as they leave this home.

I hope I remember to teach them that life isn't about them.  If you are the center of every thought in your head God can't use you.  I want my kids to be used by God and make a difference for the Kingdom.

Going along with that, I hope I remember to teach them to be aware of people.  People are what's important.  Not getting things done or acquiring stuff but people and relationships with them.  You have to slow down to see that and remember that life isn't all about you.  Most people are only with us for a season and there's something to learn from each person while they're with us.

I hope I remember to teach them that God has a plan.  That little phrase gives me peace.  I neeed to know that someone, somewhere has a plan!  God is sovereign, completely in control and has a plan.  God not only has a great big overarching plan but He has a plan for me.  And for each of my little people.

I hope I remember to teach them to be thankful.  I was listening to a speaker once who talked about how parents should view ungratefulness in their kids as a punishable offence.  I hadn't really thought of it that way.  An annoyance maybe but not something I would really think to discipline for.  It's easy to discipline for the noisy offences we can't ignore but so much more important to remember character training.

I hope I remember to teach them to be quick to forgive.  Kids are good at this already but I hope I can impress on them the importance of carrying this trait into adulthood.  Unforgiveness breeds bitterness and no one wants to be around bitter crabby people.

I hope I remember to teach them what it means to give grace.  Grace means "unmerited favor".  Getting something you do not deserve.  I'm thankful my kids have each other but I'm a little bit terrified that someday they'll sit around sharing horror stories of me.  I'm very aware of the ways I'm constantly screwing up at mothering, but I hope they give me grace. Someday my kids will be marrying into other families, each with stuff.  I hope my kids can give some grace because they are coming from a family with some poop too.  I hope that as my kids leave home they will guard their hearts to watch out for unforgiveness and selfishness.  I hope they're aware of how important relationships are.  I hope they know how to be content and that God has a plan for them.

Multi-tasking

This book is a hot item right now.  Every homeschool mama I know has it on their "to read" list.  The title does sound wonderful doesn't it?  It's a quick read but my first time through I was a little disappointed.  I expected lightening bolt, life changing information.  It was a subtle book of reminders though.

I write down important things (verses, notes from books I'm reading etc,)  in a journal and learned (from this book) that this is called a commonplace book.  I couldn't find my commonplace book to take notes the first time I read it but after I found it wanted to jot some things down.  I ended up rereading it and wrote down a lot.  I needed to read it a second time and let some things sink in.

One good takeaway from this book changed the way I view multitasking.  Moms are good at this and I've always taken pride in the fact that I can do it.  (The mistaken goal in life being to get lots done and if you're doing several things at once you're getting more done.) The author Sarah Mackenzie says this, "What we usually think of as multi-tasking is actually task switching and it's ineffective and inefficient."  When I truly thought about it, I did have that lightening bolt moment.  Multi-tasking is stressful to me.  I may try to respond to an email, answer a kid question, and cook the pasta for dinner all at once but it can't really be done.  I end up switching back and forth between things, not giving any of them my full attention.

My kids deserve my full attention.  Everything we do deserves our full attention.  Colossions 3:23  Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.  It's only been a few days since I've thrown multi-tasking out the window and I already feel more at peace.  Whatever I'm doing, I'm trying to do it well.  That means asking my kids to wait a second, then stopping and actually looking at them.  It means I have to prioritize and say "no" sometimes.  And it means I will probably burn the garlic bread less because if my job at that second is to make garlic bread, I can hang on for the 2 minutes and 30 seconds that it takes to broil.  I do not need to squeeze another task into that little window of time.

This year I've been on a mission to cease striving, trim down the extras, and give life extra margin.  White space or margin is the extra room on the paper that makes it easier to read.  So much of life now is about having every single minute filled up.  We need that white space in life though too.  Relationships and people are more important than getting lots done or checking things off the "to do" list.  There is ALWAYS going to be a big "to do" list.  As a stay-at-home mom it's discouraging because everything I do, I turn around and do again tomorrow.  Sometimes I need to set the list aside.  Instead of being hurried and harried because I'm doing too many things at once, I'm going to embrace this shift in my view of multi-tasking.  So far I feel like I'm getting just as many things accomplished yet doing a better job at them.  My kids are learning patience as they wait their turn for mom, and I feel more at peace.  I am learning patience too.

I would encourage you to read this book.  Take your time through it and let it soak in.  Cease striving.  "It is our part to offer what we can, His to finish what we cannot."  St. Jerome.

Ask your dad!!

Last weekend I went someplace leaving the four kids home with dad.  While I was gone, one of the kids fell and hurt her knee.  And called me.  Her dad was in the next room and she didn't say a word to him about it.  He had no idea!  No idea that she'd fallen or called me.

A friend recently left her little one home with dad to come home and find she'd cut her hair.  A lot.  And dad hadn't noticed.  The wonky hairdo OR the big pile of hair on the floor.

I just got home from the grocery store.  Carrying my purse and 12 grocery bags I staggered into the house and three kids (who just walked past their dad) all asked me for things at the same time.  "Mom can you tie my shoe?"  "Mom can you show me how to write DRAGON?"  "Mom can I have something to eat?"  Oh my word ask your dad - he's Right THERE!!

Wouldn't it be nice to be a dad sometimes?  The constant constant-ness of being a mom is so overwhelming.  I don't know what I'd even do with my extra head time if kids walked past me and asked someone else all the "stuff'".  Dad's can be foggy and it's endearing to the world.  Who cares if the kids clothes are on inside out.  Good job dad, they're dressed.  Who cares if they ate hot dogs for three days straight.  Good job dad, they ate food.  And I'm not even joking about this one- our kids doctor found my daughter hadn't eaten vegetables at two meals a day and sent me to see a nutritionist.  What in the heck??  Why is it acceptable for dad's to just keep everyone alive and moms get to do everything else?  EVERYTHING ELSE???

It is what it is people.  Mom friends, we can be crabby or we can choose not to be. because honestly dads have their own stuff.  I'm a stay at home mom and while I'm on call 24/7, I also have it pretty good.  If I feel like sleeping in I can.  My husband can't - he has to go to work.  If I feel like going to the zoo, taking the kids on a train trip, or going to the $1 movies I can.  My husband can't - he has to go to work.

I know I've said this before but if someone broke into our house in the night, I would wake up my husband and HE would go deal with it.  Not me.  I would call 911 or go find a bat but my first line of response would be to wake the hubby.  Can you even imagine the weight of responsibility that would be?  That our husbands live with every day?  I can't and I'm thankful I don't have to.  I'm so very thankful I have him to turn to.

Choosing Joy

One of my goals for 2016 was to choose joy.  I want my kids growing up in a happy home.  I want laughter, and fond memories, and fun.  And I want to have joy.  It takes conscious effort though and so I actually did write that on my list of goals for the year.  There's always something to complain about, but there's also always something to be thankful for.  If you want to be crabby and bitter with unhappy kids then keep on complaining and that probably comes easy.  If you want to choose joy though, then choooose joy.  It's a choice!  Be intentional with your words and your actions.

I love music.  I had ten years of piano lessons, five years of band, and six years of choir.  One of the reasons I married my husband was because he loves music.  And one of my very favorite things to do is sing with my kids.  We home school and so you'd think we'd be at home all the time. We spend a surprising amount of time in the car though and because of that they know a tremendous amount of music.  Car bickering is common among kids but it's hard to bicker if everyone's singing.  As mom's the tone of the home falls to us.  I think the easiest way to instantly change the tone of your home (car) is to turn on music.  Proverbs 23:7 says For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.  What we are listening to is important because these are the words floating around in our head.  If I'm going to be intentional about choosing joy then I need to guard what goes into my head.  

My Bible time needs to be an important part of my day too because it's easier to choose joy if your thought life is aligning with His. Sometimes it's so hard to get anything out of what we read in the Bible.  It doesn't make sense, doesn't always apply to us etc.  (Um, good for you Zipporah, but what does that have to do with me??)  Keep at it though friend.  Isaiah 55:11  says so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty,but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.  Isn't that an amazing promise?  His Word will not return void!  Even if we don't feel it, don't understand it, don't like what it says, it's making a difference in our life.  Hebrews 4:12  For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  Amen!!

The last couple years I've made a commitment to read through the Bible.  Like Genesis to Revelation - read the entire thing.  That's not an impressive feat but it was new to me.  I've always been a skip around reader.  And it's way easier to read Bible-y books or topical Christian living fluff.  Those books are ok on their own but they shouldn't be taking the place of God's word.  So now I'm doing all of it!  In my morning Bible time I start with the Bible (The One Year Bible is wonderful).  If I didn't glean anything that spoke to my heart I move on to Morning and Evening with Charles Spurgeon.  If that day didn't apply to me, then to a Bible study book or my Cubbies Teacher Manuel.  But I keep on reading until I feel God speak to me.  That does take a time commitment but God is so faithful and always gives me something within the time frame I've got that morning.  

An important part of choosing joy is this time with God.  I can't do it on my own and God certainly didn't intend for me to.

Don't be a Valentine party pooper

I love Valentine's day and people who don't, annoy me.  They are usually the same people who gripe about Christmas music before December 1st and think all Halloween fun should be Harvest festivals.  Boo!  It's about Love people!  LOOOVE!!  I totally understand if you don't like it because you don't have a significant other.  But for those who say it's a made up holiday by card companies, um who cares. It's about Love!!  As Believers, love is something that should be on our minds.  A whole holiday dedicated to the topic is the perfect excuse to do a little study on it or to go the extra mile with your loved ones.  Here are just a few verses.  

1 Corinthians 13:13  
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Romans 12:9  
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Luke 6:35  
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Mark 12:31  
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

The next time you wanna be a poop head about Valentine's Day don't think of it as candy, flowers and ways to spend money.  Think about the actual topic of love.  The people in your life need to feel love.  They need to know that you love them and more importantly, that the Heavenly Father loves them.

Shut the door!!

There are a few things that drive my husband and I crazy.  One is kids leaving the outside doors open and the other is excessive noise.  Few things catch our wrath quicker than those.  I've recently noticed how different those things are in other families.  We have friends who feel the same way about leaving lights on.  Our family is terrible about leaving lights on.  I don't usually worry about it because on most days, five of us are home, in every in inch of the house, all day.  If someone leaves a room, chances are they or someone else will be back in it in just a second.  When my kids go to another house though, they may need to be mindful of that.  Other families may not appreciate the Parker kids leaving all the lights on.

One of our jobs as parents is to teach our kids what is acceptable behavior.  Some things are obvious - no hitting.  Other rules like no touching the dishwasher, don't leave on the lights, and use indoor voices -  may vary by family.  It's OK for our kids to learn that different families might have different rules and they need to be respected.  

It's also a good thing for us moms to remember that God may put different things on our hearts for our families.  OUR families.  Some moms are super laid back and anything goes.  Other moms (ah hem) are not.  God made us each different, gave us each the kids that He did, and it's important that we don't judge one another.  We moms are in this together!  If another mom lets her kids jump on the couch cushions, so what.  (I don't need to let them do that at my house though.).  If kid bedtime is midnight, I may want to raise my eyebrows, but I need to keep them down!  It's not my place to judge how another mom is doing.  My job is to love her and encourage her.   1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Here's another good verse.  Matthew 7:1-2  Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Have you ever noticed how this happens?  What goes around comes around and if you have a crabby, snarky attitude about someone/something  - often times that same thing will come around and happen to you.

What makes you smell?

Have you noticed that sometimes when you use your oven, it smells like the last thing you baked? This happens to me a lot.  I start to bake muffins but the house now smells like pizza.  Or I put in the broccoli and out wafts the scent of cake.  It's so confusing to my kids to think they're getting cookies and really it's garlic bread.  Acch!

How do you keep that from happening?  My first guess would be to clean your oven.  Even if the nothing dripped or spilled during baking I bet if you wipe out your oven after uses it would help.

We end up "smelling" like the people in our "oven" (our vicinity).  The people we spend time with affect us and that's just how it is.  It could be a good thing but sometimes it's not.  Who do you spend the most time with?  Do they bring out the best in you?  We can be trying so hard to bake a beautiful cake and our house may end up smelling like broccoli.  Sometimes we can't help having stinky people in life.  We can wipe out our metaphorical oven though.  Renew your mind with the holy spirit.   Ask Him for help.  To renew your mind means to spend time with Him so that your thinking realigns with His.

Romans 12:2
 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Here is a blog post by John MacArthur on this topic.  http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/the-renewed-mind-and-how-to-have-it

The grass is greener...

Have you seen this?  I recently saw it on facebook and thought "Well that's the truth, I'm so busy!".  It wasn't true though.  I'm never too busy to notice what everyone else around me is doing.   I should be paying less attention though.

A little while ago I was with some homeschool moms who were talking about curriculum.  Curriculum is SO overwhelming.  Especially in the beginning but even if you've already been doing it for a few years.  There's always the thought that some other program might be better.  I think the biggest fear we homeschool moms have is that at some point, our kids will enter public school (even if it's not till college) and they won't know enough.  We're afraid that our child will be behind and it's all our fault.  And if we could just find that perfect spelling program we'd be fine.  If our child could use a math curriculum with dvd's instead of a workbook they'd learn better.  Or if they could start a computer based Spanish program they'd be all set.  There's nothing wrong with those things and if that's where God has led you, great!  Sometimes we (meaning me) need to remember though that what we're doing is good enough.  We just need to do it.  I heard a wise mama say "That spelling program sounds wonderful and may even work better for us, but I already have something to use and it's working."  It's good enough.  Such a good reminder!

When I was looking for that quote above I came across this one.  I like it so much better.  I've been so distracted by different devotionals and inspirational books lately.  I had a plan for my year and it was working great until I saw a book that I thought might work better.  I tried it, didn't like it, had trouble getting back on track with the original.  Heard of something else, tried it.  Liked it ok but couldn't remember to use the App.  And so on.  I should have stuck with what I was doing to begin with.  It worked fine.  The grass would have been greener if I'd watered it.  If I had just done it and quit trying other things I'd have been better off and would've saved some money.


Here are some verses that go along with this.

Proverbs 12:11  He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.  

Proverbs 14:23  All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Colossians 3:23  Whatever you do work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Reflections of a swim mom

We have just finished a season of swim team and I can officially say that I'm a swim mom.  I've been a soccer mom, a baseball mom, and a piano mom, but this was my first experience with the sport of swimming.  I took swimming lessons as a child so know the basics but the sport of swimming is a whooole other thing.  I learned so much!  I learned about swimming but there were also some mom lessons in there for me too.

To start with, I was reminded I need to pray about what I sign my kids up for.  There are tons of activities out there and it doesn't take long to fill up your calendar.  When you have four kids it happens before you know it!  Most moms I know are on overload.  We are all so overwhelmed by kid activities it wears on us yet at the same time we feel guilty that our little one can't do ballet or jealous that so-and-so gets to take horseback riding lessons.  And we just keep on signing them up for stuff.

 It's hard to remember that God has a plan for each of our families, but He does.  If you pray and have a peace you're following God's plan for your family then the activities you're involved in are more than just time fillers.  They're a training ground for whatever God has in store for your little ones.  I've mentioned before that my brother was in 4-H and because of that was able to start the first ever 4-H club in a youth prison.  Isn't that an amazing thing?  I was not in 4-H.  My mom didn't have the same leading that I needed to be in it. Praise the Lord she was praying for my brother and I.  If she hadn't been, and decided without praying that it was just too much work, or she didn't feel like doing it, my brother would not have the background needed to run this club he started.

There's always something to complain about.  Always.  That doesn't mean we should though.  When you complain it affects the atmosphere around you.  At the start of our swim season I was a little disappointed.  For the amount of money it cost, I had hoped for more instruction.  This year the coaches were short handed, there were more girls on the team, plus one had special needs.  There just weren't enough coaches to give individual instruction.  The moms I sat near at practice also had some frustrations and before long it seemed every practice was a complaining session.  At first I was an active participant and would come home all worked up and upset.  My crabby attitude affected my home and the way I communicated with others. I began to pray about it and at one swim meet God showed me how much our coach was juggling.  A high school student, with 25 girls on her team,  had to plan out what events each child would swim, keep track of kids and get them to their events, swim in her own events, and deal with crabby parents.  All in the midst of hundreds and hundreds of people.  Seeing what all she was doing made me feel bad that I'd been crabby and thankful that she was giving her time to do this.  When I approached her with an attitude of thankfulness it changed things.  She was responsive to questions I had and I think her coaching got better.

It's a blessing to find things your kids are good at.  Every child needs to know they are good at something and part of our "mom job" is to find those things for our kids.  My mother was so great about doing this.  If it even looked like I had an interest, she pushed me in that direction, bought me books about it, and found a class where I could learn more.  As an adult looking back I'm so much more appreciative.  I know how much work it was to drive me to things and find those resources.

While it's a blessing to find things your kids are good at, it's also a blessing when it's something that you don't hate doing.  I put off having this daughter do swim team because even though I knew she'd love it, I thought I would hate it.  Shame on me.  I did not pray about that decision and wish I would have because I didn't hate it. I loved it!  Thank you Jesus!

While it's easier if they do, your kids don't have to do the same activities.  When I started homeschooling one of my fears was that my kids would get so tired of each other they wouldn't have good relationships.  God put a wise mama in my path who said it's good for kids to each have their own thing to do.  She said don't just make them play baseball because "our family plays baseball".  My oldest two are very close in age.  The younger works really hard to keep up with the older and for the most part she does such a great job it's hard to remember there's even an age difference.  There is though, and at times it wears on her to keep up.  Especially since the older is very competitive.  Because of that I felt like God put it on my heart that this child do swim team.  She needed her own "thing".  My older is a good swimmer too and she would probably enjoy this but it's not where her heart is and I am not going to ever have her do it.  To preserve the relationship these sisters have, they each need their own activities where they're not competing with one another.

At the same time, when your children are in different activities it still does affect your other kids.  Everyone gets to go to swim meets.  Everyone is sitting at tball games or going to piano recitals.  Think how much each of your children is learning about life from all of these activities.  And even if they aren't a participant God can still be using their gifts.  My oldest came to meets with a bag packed of things to do.  Before long she was keeping all the younger kids around her busy.  She was putting on swim caps and sunblock, taking kids to the bathroom or the snack bar and God was using her.  She made those long meets easier on the families she was helping. She even taught some little girls how to sew!

Pray about what you sign your kids up for because the things God puts on your heart will be more meaningful for your family.  Organized sports are often unorganized, as are most kid activities.  There's always something we could complain about and even if we have good reasons for being frustrated, not every frustration needs to be vented.  You are a light for Him everywhere you go and how you deal with things affects the people around you.  Instead of picking the activities you don't mind doing, work at finding the things your kids are good at.  Remember that even if all the kids in your family aren't signed up for something, it still affects everyone.  There is something everyone can learn from each experience.

The Battle Within

I love taking personality tests and always find that I have a pretty even mix of introvert and extrovert qualities.  Sometimes it feels like the introvert and extrovert in me are doing battle.  Who's going to win today?

Some days in the grocery store I feel like ducking behind the plants and rushing through the self checkout.  Other times I get teary with the checker as we catch up.

Both introverts and extroverts have really neat qualities that God can use.  I tend to forget the neat qualities of introverts though.  I feel guilty about the things that stress this 1/2 introvert out, and I forget to about the ways God can use that part of me.  I found this post and thought it was such a good read.  (I haven't looked around on the site and can't vouch for anything else there, but did like this post.)

http://www.crosswalk.com/church/pastors-or-leadership/introvert-no-apology-required-11626582.html

So who am I going to be today?  I hope whoever God is asking me to be.