The Season You Are In

A while back I heard a sweet mom friend give a talk on the "seasons of our lives".  I don't remember what her title was, but it was such a good reminder.  Things are always changing and there are different seasons to life.  What season are you in?  If you think about it and identify your season it may give you some peace.  Maybe because you can be thankful for your season.  Maybe because it reminds you that it WILL come to an end, or maybe because you can see that God is going to be doing something soon.

If you're a mom with a new baby you're probably in a season of just surviving.  You're not going to be doing the same things as a mom in the season with high school kids.  If you've had a death in the family, experienced a trauma or loss, life is going to be different for a little while.  You can't just go on as normal as you have a season of recovery to go through.  If you're in a season with older kids you probably have more personal time than you used to have.  That can be an adjustment too!

We just finished our school year and I love looking back on the year and seeing all the different people God has brought into our lives.  I think it's fun to reflect on how much things have changed since the school year started.  I'm a creature of habit and don't usually like change.  I've started looking at each year as it's own season though and that helps me to have peace as we enter a year.  This year is a season.  We changed home school groups this year and life was very different because of it.  My husbands job changed this year.  His hours, responsibilities, work load, and even the town he's is are different.  It's helping us to remember that this year is adjustment year.  

I'm also in a season of life with older elementary school aged children.  I'm past the physically exhausting baby and toddler years.  It's easier to move around and do things and now we're busy with kid activities and sports.  My neighbor who's an empty nester said "You make me miss having kids around! Always something fun to look forward to!"  I hadn't thought of it that way, I was just tired from the calendar being so full.  It's just a season though.  There are things to enjoy about it, so it was good to be reminded of that.  

The first part of Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God."  Another version of it says "Cease striving and know that I am God."  I like that version the best.  It's such a good reminder to me that I need to relax (cease striving) and look at where God has me right now.  It's exhausting to be working at or working for things that aren't in God's plan for me.  

I think most moms struggle with loneliness sometimes and being a home school or stay-at-home mom can be even more isolating.  If I'm focusing on the people I wish I was able to spend time with or things I wish I could be doing instead, God isn't going to use me to my fullest.  It's not all about me after all, it's about Him.  Instead, I'm trying to look at the people God has in my path right now.  For me, that is through my kids activities because that's the season of life I'm in.  The busy one with lots of kids activities.  As I'm sitting at swim practice or taking my kids to classes, who is God bringing across my path?  I try to spend a lot of time praying about the activities we're in, so if I'm sure we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, then the people we see are there because God had worked that all out.  

I recently read "Fervant: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer" by Pricilla Shirer.  Have you read it?  It's so good!  Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book.  "Even activities He gives you to steward are not given to see how many balls you can juggle, but instead so you can participate with Him in staking Kingdom claim on patches of ground where you live."  I love this.   Here are some synonyms for the word steward: administer, guide, govern, manage, preside over.  Time is a limited resource given to me by God and it's up to me to use it well.  Not so that I can get lots done but so that I can be used by God in the lives of the people He puts in my path.  What season of life are you in?  Who is God putting you next to this season?  Are you using this time for Him?   

Watch out for poop!

We have a dog and that means there's poop in the yard.  When other people come over I can always tell the kids who have a dog in the family because they're used to watching out for poop.  The kids who don't have a dog are the ones who always walk right into it.  Isn't that kindof like life?  Each family has their stuff (poop).  You get used to the poop at your house but might walk right into at someone else's house because it looks different.  Being a mom is such a big job - I hope I'm remembering to teach my kids all they need to know as they leave this home.

I hope I remember to teach them that life isn't about them.  If you are the center of every thought in your head God can't use you.  I want my kids to be used by God and make a difference for the Kingdom.

Going along with that, I hope I remember to teach them to be aware of people.  People are what's important.  Not getting things done or acquiring stuff but people and relationships with them.  You have to slow down to see that and remember that life isn't all about you.  Most people are only with us for a season and there's something to learn from each person while they're with us.

I hope I remember to teach them that God has a plan.  That little phrase gives me peace.  I neeed to know that someone, somewhere has a plan!  God is sovereign, completely in control and has a plan.  God not only has a great big overarching plan but He has a plan for me.  And for each of my little people.

I hope I remember to teach them to be thankful.  I was listening to a speaker once who talked about how parents should view ungratefulness in their kids as a punishable offence.  I hadn't really thought of it that way.  An annoyance maybe but not something I would really think to discipline for.  It's easy to discipline for the noisy offences we can't ignore but so much more important to remember character training.

I hope I remember to teach them to be quick to forgive.  Kids are good at this already but I hope I can impress on them the importance of carrying this trait into adulthood.  Unforgiveness breeds bitterness and no one wants to be around bitter crabby people.

I hope I remember to teach them what it means to give grace.  Grace means "unmerited favor".  Getting something you do not deserve.  I'm thankful my kids have each other but I'm a little bit terrified that someday they'll sit around sharing horror stories of me.  I'm very aware of the ways I'm constantly screwing up at mothering, but I hope they give me grace. Someday my kids will be marrying into other families, each with stuff.  I hope my kids can give some grace because they are coming from a family with some poop too.  I hope that as my kids leave home they will guard their hearts to watch out for unforgiveness and selfishness.  I hope they're aware of how important relationships are.  I hope they know how to be content and that God has a plan for them.

Multi-tasking

This book is a hot item right now.  Every homeschool mama I know has it on their "to read" list.  The title does sound wonderful doesn't it?  It's a quick read but my first time through I was a little disappointed.  I expected lightening bolt, life changing information.  It was a subtle book of reminders though.

I write down important things (verses, notes from books I'm reading etc,)  in a journal and learned (from this book) that this is called a commonplace book.  I couldn't find my commonplace book to take notes the first time I read it but after I found it wanted to jot some things down.  I ended up rereading it and wrote down a lot.  I needed to read it a second time and let some things sink in.

One good takeaway from this book changed the way I view multitasking.  Moms are good at this and I've always taken pride in the fact that I can do it.  (The mistaken goal in life being to get lots done and if you're doing several things at once you're getting more done.) The author Sarah Mackenzie says this, "What we usually think of as multi-tasking is actually task switching and it's ineffective and inefficient."  When I truly thought about it, I did have that lightening bolt moment.  Multi-tasking is stressful to me.  I may try to respond to an email, answer a kid question, and cook the pasta for dinner all at once but it can't really be done.  I end up switching back and forth between things, not giving any of them my full attention.

My kids deserve my full attention.  Everything we do deserves our full attention.  Colossions 3:23  Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.  It's only been a few days since I've thrown multi-tasking out the window and I already feel more at peace.  Whatever I'm doing, I'm trying to do it well.  That means asking my kids to wait a second, then stopping and actually looking at them.  It means I have to prioritize and say "no" sometimes.  And it means I will probably burn the garlic bread less because if my job at that second is to make garlic bread, I can hang on for the 2 minutes and 30 seconds that it takes to broil.  I do not need to squeeze another task into that little window of time.

This year I've been on a mission to cease striving, trim down the extras, and give life extra margin.  White space or margin is the extra room on the paper that makes it easier to read.  So much of life now is about having every single minute filled up.  We need that white space in life though too.  Relationships and people are more important than getting lots done or checking things off the "to do" list.  There is ALWAYS going to be a big "to do" list.  As a stay-at-home mom it's discouraging because everything I do, I turn around and do again tomorrow.  Sometimes I need to set the list aside.  Instead of being hurried and harried because I'm doing too many things at once, I'm going to embrace this shift in my view of multi-tasking.  So far I feel like I'm getting just as many things accomplished yet doing a better job at them.  My kids are learning patience as they wait their turn for mom, and I feel more at peace.  I am learning patience too.

I would encourage you to read this book.  Take your time through it and let it soak in.  Cease striving.  "It is our part to offer what we can, His to finish what we cannot."  St. Jerome.

Ask your dad!!

Last weekend I went someplace leaving the four kids home with dad.  While I was gone, one of the kids fell and hurt her knee.  And called me.  Her dad was in the next room and she didn't say a word to him about it.  He had no idea!  No idea that she'd fallen or called me.

A friend recently left her little one home with dad to come home and find she'd cut her hair.  A lot.  And dad hadn't noticed.  The wonky hairdo OR the big pile of hair on the floor.

I just got home from the grocery store.  Carrying my purse and 12 grocery bags I staggered into the house and three kids (who just walked past their dad) all asked me for things at the same time.  "Mom can you tie my shoe?"  "Mom can you show me how to write DRAGON?"  "Mom can I have something to eat?"  Oh my word ask your dad - he's Right THERE!!

Wouldn't it be nice to be a dad sometimes?  The constant constant-ness of being a mom is so overwhelming.  I don't know what I'd even do with my extra head time if kids walked past me and asked someone else all the "stuff'".  Dad's can be foggy and it's endearing to the world.  Who cares if the kids clothes are on inside out.  Good job dad, they're dressed.  Who cares if they ate hot dogs for three days straight.  Good job dad, they ate food.  And I'm not even joking about this one- our kids doctor found my daughter hadn't eaten vegetables at two meals a day and sent me to see a nutritionist.  What in the heck??  Why is it acceptable for dad's to just keep everyone alive and moms get to do everything else?  EVERYTHING ELSE???

It is what it is people.  Mom friends, we can be crabby or we can choose not to be. because honestly dads have their own stuff.  I'm a stay at home mom and while I'm on call 24/7, I also have it pretty good.  If I feel like sleeping in I can.  My husband can't - he has to go to work.  If I feel like going to the zoo, taking the kids on a train trip, or going to the $1 movies I can.  My husband can't - he has to go to work.

I know I've said this before but if someone broke into our house in the night, I would wake up my husband and HE would go deal with it.  Not me.  I would call 911 or go find a bat but my first line of response would be to wake the hubby.  Can you even imagine the weight of responsibility that would be?  That our husbands live with every day?  I can't and I'm thankful I don't have to.  I'm so very thankful I have him to turn to.

Choosing Joy

One of my goals for 2016 was to choose joy.  I want my kids growing up in a happy home.  I want laughter, and fond memories, and fun.  And I want to have joy.  It takes conscious effort though and so I actually did write that on my list of goals for the year.  There's always something to complain about, but there's also always something to be thankful for.  If you want to be crabby and bitter with unhappy kids then keep on complaining and that probably comes easy.  If you want to choose joy though, then choooose joy.  It's a choice!  Be intentional with your words and your actions.

I love music.  I had ten years of piano lessons, five years of band, and six years of choir.  One of the reasons I married my husband was because he loves music.  And one of my very favorite things to do is sing with my kids.  We home school and so you'd think we'd be at home all the time. We spend a surprising amount of time in the car though and because of that they know a tremendous amount of music.  Car bickering is common among kids but it's hard to bicker if everyone's singing.  As mom's the tone of the home falls to us.  I think the easiest way to instantly change the tone of your home (car) is to turn on music.  Proverbs 23:7 says For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.  What we are listening to is important because these are the words floating around in our head.  If I'm going to be intentional about choosing joy then I need to guard what goes into my head.  

My Bible time needs to be an important part of my day too because it's easier to choose joy if your thought life is aligning with His. Sometimes it's so hard to get anything out of what we read in the Bible.  It doesn't make sense, doesn't always apply to us etc.  (Um, good for you Zipporah, but what does that have to do with me??)  Keep at it though friend.  Isaiah 55:11  says so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty,but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.  Isn't that an amazing promise?  His Word will not return void!  Even if we don't feel it, don't understand it, don't like what it says, it's making a difference in our life.  Hebrews 4:12  For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  Amen!!

The last couple years I've made a commitment to read through the Bible.  Like Genesis to Revelation - read the entire thing.  That's not an impressive feat but it was new to me.  I've always been a skip around reader.  And it's way easier to read Bible-y books or topical Christian living fluff.  Those books are ok on their own but they shouldn't be taking the place of God's word.  So now I'm doing all of it!  In my morning Bible time I start with the Bible (The One Year Bible is wonderful).  If I didn't glean anything that spoke to my heart I move on to Morning and Evening with Charles Spurgeon.  If that day didn't apply to me, then to a Bible study book or my Cubbies Teacher Manuel.  But I keep on reading until I feel God speak to me.  That does take a time commitment but God is so faithful and always gives me something within the time frame I've got that morning.  

An important part of choosing joy is this time with God.  I can't do it on my own and God certainly didn't intend for me to.

Don't be a Valentine party pooper

I love Valentine's day and people who don't, annoy me.  They are usually the same people who gripe about Christmas music before December 1st and think all Halloween fun should be Harvest festivals.  Boo!  It's about Love people!  LOOOVE!!  I totally understand if you don't like it because you don't have a significant other.  But for those who say it's a made up holiday by card companies, um who cares. It's about Love!!  As Believers, love is something that should be on our minds.  A whole holiday dedicated to the topic is the perfect excuse to do a little study on it or to go the extra mile with your loved ones.  Here are just a few verses.  

1 Corinthians 13:13  
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Romans 12:9  
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Luke 6:35  
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Mark 12:31  
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

The next time you wanna be a poop head about Valentine's Day don't think of it as candy, flowers and ways to spend money.  Think about the actual topic of love.  The people in your life need to feel love.  They need to know that you love them and more importantly, that the Heavenly Father loves them.

Shut the door!!

There are a few things that drive my husband and I crazy.  One is kids leaving the outside doors open and the other is excessive noise.  Few things catch our wrath quicker than those.  I've recently noticed how different those things are in other families.  We have friends who feel the same way about leaving lights on.  Our family is terrible about leaving lights on.  I don't usually worry about it because on most days, five of us are home, in every in inch of the house, all day.  If someone leaves a room, chances are they or someone else will be back in it in just a second.  When my kids go to another house though, they may need to be mindful of that.  Other families may not appreciate the Parker kids leaving all the lights on.

One of our jobs as parents is to teach our kids what is acceptable behavior.  Some things are obvious - no hitting.  Other rules like no touching the dishwasher, don't leave on the lights, and use indoor voices -  may vary by family.  It's OK for our kids to learn that different families might have different rules and they need to be respected.  

It's also a good thing for us moms to remember that God may put different things on our hearts for our families.  OUR families.  Some moms are super laid back and anything goes.  Other moms (ah hem) are not.  God made us each different, gave us each the kids that He did, and it's important that we don't judge one another.  We moms are in this together!  If another mom lets her kids jump on the couch cushions, so what.  (I don't need to let them do that at my house though.).  If kid bedtime is midnight, I may want to raise my eyebrows, but I need to keep them down!  It's not my place to judge how another mom is doing.  My job is to love her and encourage her.   1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Here's another good verse.  Matthew 7:1-2  Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Have you ever noticed how this happens?  What goes around comes around and if you have a crabby, snarky attitude about someone/something  - often times that same thing will come around and happen to you.