Last weekend I went someplace leaving the four kids home with dad. While I was gone, one of the kids fell and hurt her knee. And called me. Her dad was in the next room and she didn't say a word to him about it. He had no idea! No idea that she'd fallen or called me.
A friend recently left her little one home with dad to come home and find she'd cut her hair. A lot. And dad hadn't noticed. The wonky hairdo OR the big pile of hair on the floor.
I just got home from the grocery store. Carrying my purse and 12 grocery bags I staggered into the house and three kids (who just walked past their dad) all asked me for things at the same time. "Mom can you tie my shoe?" "Mom can you show me how to write DRAGON?" "Mom can I have something to eat?" Oh my word ask your dad - he's Right THERE!!
Wouldn't it be nice to be a dad sometimes? The constant constant-ness of being a mom is so overwhelming. I don't know what I'd even do with my extra head time if kids walked past me and asked someone else all the "stuff'". Dad's can be foggy and it's endearing to the world. Who cares if the kids clothes are on inside out. Good job dad, they're dressed. Who cares if they ate hot dogs for three days straight. Good job dad, they ate food. And I'm not even joking about this one- our kids doctor found my daughter hadn't eaten vegetables at two meals a day and sent me to see a nutritionist. What in the heck?? Why is it acceptable for dad's to just keep everyone alive and moms get to do everything else? EVERYTHING ELSE???
It is what it is people. Mom friends, we can be crabby or we can choose not to be. because honestly dads have their own stuff. I'm a stay at home mom and while I'm on call 24/7, I also have it pretty good. If I feel like sleeping in I can. My husband can't - he has to go to work. If I feel like going to the zoo, taking the kids on a train trip, or going to the $1 movies I can. My husband can't - he has to go to work.
I know I've said this before but if someone broke into our house in the night, I would wake up my husband and HE would go deal with it. Not me. I would call 911 or go find a bat but my first line of response would be to wake the hubby. Can you even imagine the weight of responsibility that would be? That our husbands live with every day? I can't and I'm thankful I don't have to. I'm so very thankful I have him to turn to.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Choosing Joy
One of my goals for 2016 was to choose joy. I want my kids growing up in a happy home. I want laughter, and fond memories, and fun. And I want to have joy. It takes conscious effort though and so I actually did write that on my list of goals for the year. There's always something to complain about, but there's also always something to be thankful for. If you want to be crabby and bitter with unhappy kids then keep on complaining and that probably comes easy. If you want to choose joy though, then choooose joy. It's a choice! Be intentional with your words and your actions.
I love music. I had ten years of piano lessons, five years of band, and six years of choir. One of the reasons I married my husband was because he loves music. And one of my very favorite things to do is sing with my kids. We home school and so you'd think we'd be at home all the time. We spend a surprising amount of time in the car though and because of that they know a tremendous amount of music. Car bickering is common among kids but it's hard to bicker if everyone's singing. As mom's the tone of the home falls to us. I think the easiest way to instantly change the tone of your home (car) is to turn on music. Proverbs 23:7 says For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. What we are listening to is important because these are the words floating around in our head. If I'm going to be intentional about choosing joy then I need to guard what goes into my head.
My Bible time needs to be an important part of my day too because it's easier to choose joy if your thought life is aligning with His. Sometimes it's so hard to get anything out of what we read in the Bible. It doesn't make sense, doesn't always apply to us etc. (Um, good for you Zipporah, but what does that have to do with me??) Keep at it though friend. Isaiah 55:11 says so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty,but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isn't that an amazing promise? His Word will not return void! Even if we don't feel it, don't understand it, don't like what it says, it's making a difference in our life. Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Amen!!
The last couple years I've made a commitment to read through the Bible. Like Genesis to Revelation - read the entire thing. That's not an impressive feat but it was new to me. I've always been a skip around reader. And it's way easier to read Bible-y books or topical Christian living fluff. Those books are ok on their own but they shouldn't be taking the place of God's word. So now I'm doing all of it! In my morning Bible time I start with the Bible (The One Year Bible is wonderful). If I didn't glean anything that spoke to my heart I move on to Morning and Evening with Charles Spurgeon. If that day didn't apply to me, then to a Bible study book or my Cubbies Teacher Manuel. But I keep on reading until I feel God speak to me. That does take a time commitment but God is so faithful and always gives me something within the time frame I've got that morning.
An important part of choosing joy is this time with God. I can't do it on my own and God certainly didn't intend for me to.
I love music. I had ten years of piano lessons, five years of band, and six years of choir. One of the reasons I married my husband was because he loves music. And one of my very favorite things to do is sing with my kids. We home school and so you'd think we'd be at home all the time. We spend a surprising amount of time in the car though and because of that they know a tremendous amount of music. Car bickering is common among kids but it's hard to bicker if everyone's singing. As mom's the tone of the home falls to us. I think the easiest way to instantly change the tone of your home (car) is to turn on music. Proverbs 23:7 says For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. What we are listening to is important because these are the words floating around in our head. If I'm going to be intentional about choosing joy then I need to guard what goes into my head.
My Bible time needs to be an important part of my day too because it's easier to choose joy if your thought life is aligning with His. Sometimes it's so hard to get anything out of what we read in the Bible. It doesn't make sense, doesn't always apply to us etc. (Um, good for you Zipporah, but what does that have to do with me??) Keep at it though friend. Isaiah 55:11 says so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty,but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isn't that an amazing promise? His Word will not return void! Even if we don't feel it, don't understand it, don't like what it says, it's making a difference in our life. Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Amen!!
The last couple years I've made a commitment to read through the Bible. Like Genesis to Revelation - read the entire thing. That's not an impressive feat but it was new to me. I've always been a skip around reader. And it's way easier to read Bible-y books or topical Christian living fluff. Those books are ok on their own but they shouldn't be taking the place of God's word. So now I'm doing all of it! In my morning Bible time I start with the Bible (The One Year Bible is wonderful). If I didn't glean anything that spoke to my heart I move on to Morning and Evening with Charles Spurgeon. If that day didn't apply to me, then to a Bible study book or my Cubbies Teacher Manuel. But I keep on reading until I feel God speak to me. That does take a time commitment but God is so faithful and always gives me something within the time frame I've got that morning.
An important part of choosing joy is this time with God. I can't do it on my own and God certainly didn't intend for me to.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Don't be a Valentine party pooper
I love Valentine's day and people who don't, annoy me. They are usually the same people who gripe about Christmas music before December 1st and think all Halloween fun should be Harvest festivals. Boo! It's about Love people! LOOOVE!! I totally understand if you don't like it because you don't have a significant other. But for those who say it's a made up holiday by card companies, um who cares. It's about Love!! As Believers, love is something that should be on our minds. A whole holiday dedicated to the topic is the perfect excuse to do a little study on it or to go the extra mile with your loved ones. Here are just a few verses.
1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Romans 12:9
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Luke 6:35
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
Mark 12:31
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
The next time you wanna be a poop head about Valentine's Day don't think of it as candy, flowers and ways to spend money. Think about the actual topic of love. The people in your life need to feel love. They need to know that you love them and more importantly, that the Heavenly Father loves them.
1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Romans 12:9
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Luke 6:35
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
Mark 12:31
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
The next time you wanna be a poop head about Valentine's Day don't think of it as candy, flowers and ways to spend money. Think about the actual topic of love. The people in your life need to feel love. They need to know that you love them and more importantly, that the Heavenly Father loves them.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Shut the door!!
There are a few things that drive my husband and I crazy. One is kids leaving the outside doors open and the other is excessive noise. Few things catch our wrath quicker than those. I've recently noticed how different those things are in other families. We have friends who feel the same way about leaving lights on. Our family is terrible about leaving lights on. I don't usually worry about it because on most days, five of us are home, in every in inch of the house, all day. If someone leaves a room, chances are they or someone else will be back in it in just a second. When my kids go to another house though, they may need to be mindful of that. Other families may not appreciate the Parker kids leaving all the lights on.
One of our jobs as parents is to teach our kids what is acceptable behavior. Some things are obvious - no hitting. Other rules like no touching the dishwasher, don't leave on the lights, and use indoor voices - may vary by family. It's OK for our kids to learn that different families might have different rules and they need to be respected.
It's also a good thing for us moms to remember that God may put different things on our hearts for our families. OUR families. Some moms are super laid back and anything goes. Other moms (ah hem) are not. God made us each different, gave us each the kids that He did, and it's important that we don't judge one another. We moms are in this together! If another mom lets her kids jump on the couch cushions, so what. (I don't need to let them do that at my house though.). If kid bedtime is midnight, I may want to raise my eyebrows, but I need to keep them down! It's not my place to judge how another mom is doing. My job is to love her and encourage her. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
Here's another good verse. Matthew 7:1-2 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Have you ever noticed how this happens? What goes around comes around and if you have a crabby, snarky attitude about someone/something - often times that same thing will come around and happen to you.
What makes you smell?
Have you noticed that sometimes when you use your oven, it smells like the last thing you baked? This happens to me a lot. I start to bake muffins but the house now smells like pizza. Or I put in the broccoli and out wafts the scent of cake. It's so confusing to my kids to think they're getting cookies and really it's garlic bread. Acch!
How do you keep that from happening? My first guess would be to clean your oven. Even if the nothing dripped or spilled during baking I bet if you wipe out your oven after uses it would help.
We end up "smelling" like the people in our "oven" (our vicinity). The people we spend time with affect us and that's just how it is. It could be a good thing but sometimes it's not. Who do you spend the most time with? Do they bring out the best in you? We can be trying so hard to bake a beautiful cake and our house may end up smelling like broccoli. Sometimes we can't help having stinky people in life. We can wipe out our metaphorical oven though. Renew your mind with the holy spirit. Ask Him for help. To renew your mind means to spend time with Him so that your thinking realigns with His.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Here is a blog post by John MacArthur on this topic. http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/the-renewed-mind-and-how-to-have-it
How do you keep that from happening? My first guess would be to clean your oven. Even if the nothing dripped or spilled during baking I bet if you wipe out your oven after uses it would help.
We end up "smelling" like the people in our "oven" (our vicinity). The people we spend time with affect us and that's just how it is. It could be a good thing but sometimes it's not. Who do you spend the most time with? Do they bring out the best in you? We can be trying so hard to bake a beautiful cake and our house may end up smelling like broccoli. Sometimes we can't help having stinky people in life. We can wipe out our metaphorical oven though. Renew your mind with the holy spirit. Ask Him for help. To renew your mind means to spend time with Him so that your thinking realigns with His.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Here is a blog post by John MacArthur on this topic. http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/the-renewed-mind-and-how-to-have-it
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
The grass is greener...
A little while ago I was with some homeschool moms who were talking about curriculum. Curriculum is SO overwhelming. Especially in the beginning but even if you've already been doing it for a few years. There's always the thought that some other program might be better. I think the biggest fear we homeschool moms have is that at some point, our kids will enter public school (even if it's not till college) and they won't know enough. We're afraid that our child will be behind and it's all our fault. And if we could just find that perfect spelling program we'd be fine. If our child could use a math curriculum with dvd's instead of a workbook they'd learn better. Or if they could start a computer based Spanish program they'd be all set. There's nothing wrong with those things and if that's where God has led you, great! Sometimes we (meaning me) need to remember though that what we're doing is good enough. We just need to do it. I heard a wise mama say "That spelling program sounds wonderful and may even work better for us, but I already have something to use and it's working." It's good enough. Such a good reminder!
When I was looking for that quote above I came across this one. I like it so much better. I've been so distracted by different devotionals and inspirational books lately. I had a plan for my year and it was working great until I saw a book that I thought might work better. I tried it, didn't like it, had trouble getting back on track with the original. Heard of something else, tried it. Liked it ok but couldn't remember to use the App. And so on. I should have stuck with what I was doing to begin with. It worked fine. The grass would have been greener if I'd watered it. If I had just done it and quit trying other things I'd have been better off and would've saved some money.
Here are some verses that go along with this.
Proverbs 12:11 He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.
Proverbs 14:23 All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
When I was looking for that quote above I came across this one. I like it so much better. I've been so distracted by different devotionals and inspirational books lately. I had a plan for my year and it was working great until I saw a book that I thought might work better. I tried it, didn't like it, had trouble getting back on track with the original. Heard of something else, tried it. Liked it ok but couldn't remember to use the App. And so on. I should have stuck with what I was doing to begin with. It worked fine. The grass would have been greener if I'd watered it. If I had just done it and quit trying other things I'd have been better off and would've saved some money. Here are some verses that go along with this.
Proverbs 12:11 He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.
Proverbs 14:23 All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Reflections of a swim mom
We have just finished a season of swim team and I can officially say that I'm a swim mom. I've been a soccer mom, a baseball mom, and a piano mom, but this was my first experience with the sport of swimming. I took swimming lessons as a child so know the basics but the sport of swimming is a whooole other thing. I learned so much! I learned about swimming but there were also some mom lessons in there for me too.
To start with, I was reminded I need to pray about what I sign my kids up for. There are tons of activities out there and it doesn't take long to fill up your calendar. When you have four kids it happens before you know it! Most moms I know are on overload. We are all so overwhelmed by kid activities it wears on us yet at the same time we feel guilty that our little one can't do ballet or jealous that so-and-so gets to take horseback riding lessons. And we just keep on signing them up for stuff.
It's hard to remember that God has a plan for each of our families, but He does. If you pray and have a peace you're following God's plan for your family then the activities you're involved in are more than just time fillers. They're a training ground for whatever God has in store for your little ones. I've mentioned before that my brother was in 4-H and because of that was able to start the first ever 4-H club in a youth prison. Isn't that an amazing thing? I was not in 4-H. My mom didn't have the same leading that I needed to be in it. Praise the Lord she was praying for my brother and I. If she hadn't been, and decided without praying that it was just too much work, or she didn't feel like doing it, my brother would not have the background needed to run this club he started.
There's always something to complain about. Always. That doesn't mean we should though. When you complain it affects the atmosphere around you. At the start of our swim season I was a little disappointed. For the amount of money it cost, I had hoped for more instruction. This year the coaches were short handed, there were more girls on the team, plus one had special needs. There just weren't enough coaches to give individual instruction. The moms I sat near at practice also had some frustrations and before long it seemed every practice was a complaining session. At first I was an active participant and would come home all worked up and upset. My crabby attitude affected my home and the way I communicated with others. I began to pray about it and at one swim meet God showed me how much our coach was juggling. A high school student, with 25 girls on her team, had to plan out what events each child would swim, keep track of kids and get them to their events, swim in her own events, and deal with crabby parents. All in the midst of hundreds and hundreds of people. Seeing what all she was doing made me feel bad that I'd been crabby and thankful that she was giving her time to do this. When I approached her with an attitude of thankfulness it changed things. She was responsive to questions I had and I think her coaching got better.
It's a blessing to find things your kids are good at. Every child needs to know they are good at something and part of our "mom job" is to find those things for our kids. My mother was so great about doing this. If it even looked like I had an interest, she pushed me in that direction, bought me books about it, and found a class where I could learn more. As an adult looking back I'm so much more appreciative. I know how much work it was to drive me to things and find those resources.
While it's a blessing to find things your kids are good at, it's also a blessing when it's something that you don't hate doing. I put off having this daughter do swim team because even though I knew she'd love it, I thought I would hate it. Shame on me. I did not pray about that decision and wish I would have because I didn't hate it. I loved it! Thank you Jesus!
While it's easier if they do, your kids don't have to do the same activities. When I started homeschooling one of my fears was that my kids would get so tired of each other they wouldn't have good relationships. God put a wise mama in my path who said it's good for kids to each have their own thing to do. She said don't just make them play baseball because "our family plays baseball". My oldest two are very close in age. The younger works really hard to keep up with the older and for the most part she does such a great job it's hard to remember there's even an age difference. There is though, and at times it wears on her to keep up. Especially since the older is very competitive. Because of that I felt like God put it on my heart that this child do swim team. She needed her own "thing". My older is a good swimmer too and she would probably enjoy this but it's not where her heart is and I am not going to ever have her do it. To preserve the relationship these sisters have, they each need their own activities where they're not competing with one another.
At the same time, when your children are in different activities it still does affect your other kids. Everyone gets to go to swim meets. Everyone is sitting at tball games or going to piano recitals. Think how much each of your children is learning about life from all of these activities. And even if they aren't a participant God can still be using their gifts. My oldest came to meets with a bag packed of things to do. Before long she was keeping all the younger kids around her busy. She was putting on swim caps and sunblock, taking kids to the bathroom or the snack bar and God was using her. She made those long meets easier on the families she was helping. She even taught some little girls how to sew!
Pray about what you sign your kids up for because the things God puts on your heart will be more meaningful for your family. Organized sports are often unorganized, as are most kid activities. There's always something we could complain about and even if we have good reasons for being frustrated, not every frustration needs to be vented. You are a light for Him everywhere you go and how you deal with things affects the people around you. Instead of picking the activities you don't mind doing, work at finding the things your kids are good at. Remember that even if all the kids in your family aren't signed up for something, it still affects everyone. There is something everyone can learn from each experience.
To start with, I was reminded I need to pray about what I sign my kids up for. There are tons of activities out there and it doesn't take long to fill up your calendar. When you have four kids it happens before you know it! Most moms I know are on overload. We are all so overwhelmed by kid activities it wears on us yet at the same time we feel guilty that our little one can't do ballet or jealous that so-and-so gets to take horseback riding lessons. And we just keep on signing them up for stuff.
It's hard to remember that God has a plan for each of our families, but He does. If you pray and have a peace you're following God's plan for your family then the activities you're involved in are more than just time fillers. They're a training ground for whatever God has in store for your little ones. I've mentioned before that my brother was in 4-H and because of that was able to start the first ever 4-H club in a youth prison. Isn't that an amazing thing? I was not in 4-H. My mom didn't have the same leading that I needed to be in it. Praise the Lord she was praying for my brother and I. If she hadn't been, and decided without praying that it was just too much work, or she didn't feel like doing it, my brother would not have the background needed to run this club he started.
There's always something to complain about. Always. That doesn't mean we should though. When you complain it affects the atmosphere around you. At the start of our swim season I was a little disappointed. For the amount of money it cost, I had hoped for more instruction. This year the coaches were short handed, there were more girls on the team, plus one had special needs. There just weren't enough coaches to give individual instruction. The moms I sat near at practice also had some frustrations and before long it seemed every practice was a complaining session. At first I was an active participant and would come home all worked up and upset. My crabby attitude affected my home and the way I communicated with others. I began to pray about it and at one swim meet God showed me how much our coach was juggling. A high school student, with 25 girls on her team, had to plan out what events each child would swim, keep track of kids and get them to their events, swim in her own events, and deal with crabby parents. All in the midst of hundreds and hundreds of people. Seeing what all she was doing made me feel bad that I'd been crabby and thankful that she was giving her time to do this. When I approached her with an attitude of thankfulness it changed things. She was responsive to questions I had and I think her coaching got better.
It's a blessing to find things your kids are good at. Every child needs to know they are good at something and part of our "mom job" is to find those things for our kids. My mother was so great about doing this. If it even looked like I had an interest, she pushed me in that direction, bought me books about it, and found a class where I could learn more. As an adult looking back I'm so much more appreciative. I know how much work it was to drive me to things and find those resources.
While it's a blessing to find things your kids are good at, it's also a blessing when it's something that you don't hate doing. I put off having this daughter do swim team because even though I knew she'd love it, I thought I would hate it. Shame on me. I did not pray about that decision and wish I would have because I didn't hate it. I loved it! Thank you Jesus!
While it's easier if they do, your kids don't have to do the same activities. When I started homeschooling one of my fears was that my kids would get so tired of each other they wouldn't have good relationships. God put a wise mama in my path who said it's good for kids to each have their own thing to do. She said don't just make them play baseball because "our family plays baseball". My oldest two are very close in age. The younger works really hard to keep up with the older and for the most part she does such a great job it's hard to remember there's even an age difference. There is though, and at times it wears on her to keep up. Especially since the older is very competitive. Because of that I felt like God put it on my heart that this child do swim team. She needed her own "thing". My older is a good swimmer too and she would probably enjoy this but it's not where her heart is and I am not going to ever have her do it. To preserve the relationship these sisters have, they each need their own activities where they're not competing with one another.
At the same time, when your children are in different activities it still does affect your other kids. Everyone gets to go to swim meets. Everyone is sitting at tball games or going to piano recitals. Think how much each of your children is learning about life from all of these activities. And even if they aren't a participant God can still be using their gifts. My oldest came to meets with a bag packed of things to do. Before long she was keeping all the younger kids around her busy. She was putting on swim caps and sunblock, taking kids to the bathroom or the snack bar and God was using her. She made those long meets easier on the families she was helping. She even taught some little girls how to sew!
Pray about what you sign your kids up for because the things God puts on your heart will be more meaningful for your family. Organized sports are often unorganized, as are most kid activities. There's always something we could complain about and even if we have good reasons for being frustrated, not every frustration needs to be vented. You are a light for Him everywhere you go and how you deal with things affects the people around you. Instead of picking the activities you don't mind doing, work at finding the things your kids are good at. Remember that even if all the kids in your family aren't signed up for something, it still affects everyone. There is something everyone can learn from each experience.
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