Sometimes we truly do need our husbands help. We NEED something done and just can't do it ourselves. The clogged toilet may be beyond your ability and with a family of six it's important that it's working. I am short and my husband is tall and sometimes when I need his help it's height related. I just can't reach it. Even if I put a step stool on top of the coffee table, I can't reach it and I just need help. Other times I don't necessarily need his help but I want it. Seeing him do something for me makes me feel loved. My dad is a doer and that's how he shows love, so I'm sure that that's in the background there somewhere. It makes us feel cherished and taken care of to have someone do things for us.
Sometimes I think it's a competition. I want my husband to do certain things because I think it's only fair. I'm busy. Crazy busy. And I want to make sure he's doing his fair share of things around here. But marriage isn't a competition and that's a good way to make sure there's strife in a home. Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. I think competing with your husband is a good way to tear your house down. Don't be that foolish woman!
For some, getting their husband to do something gives them a feeling of power. They like to be able to tell people what to do and have it get done. I'll admit I like to tell people what to do. Not my best quality! I need to remember that and analyze my motives as I'm making out a "honey do" list. Is it because I actually need him to do it or because I want to tell someone what to do. If the latter is the case, I've got four children I can boss around and that should be plenty.
Sometimes when we find ourselves nagging we're comparing our husband to other husbands without even meaning to. Think through that thing you might be frustrated about. If you think "wow her husband washes her car once a week" or "I wish our lawn got mowed that often!" you might be jealous and that isn't fair to do to your man. Don't compare your husband to other husbands. No good can come from that! Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. If you are thinking about your husband being more like someone else's husband - that's not true. He's not and won't be and the Bible tells us to think on what is true.
There's a fine line between nagging and reminding and every couple needs to work that out. I've found that since I'm home more than my husband is, these things I want or need help getting done, are around me every day, all day long. They are at the front of my mind because I see them 24 hours a day. My husband is gone from home at least 11 hours a day. He isn't sitting there looking at the garbage can or the dog poop. His head is full of other things! He just doesn't remember some things and it's ok with him if I remind him. If I ask once or twice about something, then say "can I remind you about fixing the door nob this weekend?" - my request goes further and I've gotten his permission to remind.
Just because I'm home more doesn't mean I have to do everything. I don't mean to imply that and we both live here so some division of labor is just fine. Some husbands are great at cleaning up the kitchen. Some are very handy or are good at taking care of the kids. Work with what you've been given! If you know your husband really hates to reconcile the bank statement why don't you do it? My husband works a lot and when he's home I'd rather he was spending time with us than out mowing the lawn or in the office paying bills.
Decide "is this the hill you want to die on"? Sometimes it might be but usually I bet it's not. If you're mad that it's Thursday morning and he didn't take the garbage cans to the street, is that really something to be mad about? Being mad takes mental energy and I've decided I don't have enough as it is! Do it yourself and be thankful you live someplace with utility service!
Be thankful and show appreciation for the things your husband does do. I remember saying once "he doesn't need a parade if he takes out the trash!". What an immature thing to say. Be thankful for what he does do. If you act like that I'm guessing your husband won't be motivated to do a lot at home.
I bet he has a job. Mine does and he's really good at it. I would much rather take care of as many things at home as I can so that he has the mental energy to go be great at being an accountant. I don't want him to worry about things at home - that's my domain! When we were first married I asked him about everything - what do you want for dinner, can you change that light bulb etc. Everything! I was very young and figuring out what our roles would be, and probably trying to emulate the marriage I saw growing up. He tried so hard too. I needed his help and it was up to him to decide what was for dinner! I've grown and gone to the other end of the spectrum and it gives my husband a sense of peace knowing that I can handle it. I am running this home and that is God's plan for our marriage. Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.
The next time you find yourself nagging, examine your motives. Do you really need the help? Are you trying to make sure the workload is fair? Are you crabby about something else and just want to tell someone what to do? Be thankful for your husband and use gentle words and I bet he'll be more likely to help you.
Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
